Nov 26, 2012
commented on Is Polyamory a Sexual Orientation?
Comment 22: Nailed it! If being poly is in the same category as being born that way than his partner cannot be changed on the subject any more than he can. If she can be convinced that poly is the way to be than he can just as easily be convinced that monogamy is the price of admission for this particular relationship. I dig that the poly crowd has found a community and acceptance of and for each other--as a dyke I am all for finding strength by finding others--but surely not everyone who finds a community of like-minded individuals is by definition born that way. There's a poly group that meets every week at my favorite coffeehouse. On a different day there's a Scrabble group. Does this mean that the Scrabble group, though the power of having met online and then in person, can ONLY play scrabble? Can Doctor Who fans not watch Star Trek? I know these are not all the same things, but I do think it's important to make a distinction between who we are and what we like. Not every part of our identity is hard wired. Perhaps the writer of that letter is not as selfish as has been assumed. Maybe he is not just trying to keep the door open to sex with other people but instead is trying to keep the door open on a community and identity that has given him strength and hope in darker times. All well and good, but is it not also possible to be part of that community while in a monogamous relationship, or would these loyal and true friends desert him?
Sep 4, 2009
commented on The Empty Spaces
I completely understand your friends exhaustion and your grief. About a year ago my "little engine that could" theater company had to fold because it had become clear to those of us trying to fight the good fight that our little engine was never going to make over the hill of making any money. We all looked around as small companies like ours but with more experience than us were dropping like flies and realized we didn't want to be starting all over again at 45 the way our friends were. The larger "regional" theaters here in Boston are the same in Seattle, cast almost exclusively from NYC. Mind you that's also thanks in no small part to the fact that we are too "close" to NYC to merit being an Equity town in our own right so even local Equity members have to maintain timeshare apartments in NYC in order to have a place to live so they can be available for casting calls for shows in their actual hometown. (The shows in Boston are nearly exclusively shows from NYC so honestly what's the dif?) Those who can't afford that scratch and claw for the handful of jobs Equity allows to cast locally. Many the actors in Boston let their union status expire just so they can act more often...for little or no pay of course.
My day job was working in a cubicle at one of the regional theaters here (at least I could see the shows for free) and I watched them celebrate as they stayed in the black not because of the brilliant shows they put on but because they bought up the main performance spaces used by smaller companies and raised the rent through the roof. Sure they made money that first year, but six of those companies went under because they couldn't pay that rent and make enough to break even, so who's gonna be renting that space next season? Who else? Corporate event companies who are thrilled such prime real estate became available. The spaces in Boston that were the centers of artistic discovery, experimentation, and new work, will soon be home to cute little improv sketches about an insurance agency's IT department. I suppose in the end when the theaters have completely cannibalized themselves and there's no one left but the administrations then they can hire out the spaces for their own corporate events. At least that will mean SOMEONE will be in the theaters.