Dec 1, 2016 Nomti commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: We Will Never Get Closure On CLOSURE.
@32, or, you got fat and I don't find you attractive anymore, or you got skinny and I don't find you attractive anymore, or you won't shut up about disney since they bought marvel and starwars.

Not having anything nice to say doesn't necessarily make the dumper a villain. I agree that it would be better to give something concrete if it exists, but it really might be something that would hurt to hear. In the original guy's case, it seems likely that the answer is something along the lines of, "You're an insufferable, argumentative bore and I literally can't believe I stuck around so long." That would be a horrible thing to say to a person for whom you still have affection.

In my own case, my ex-wife told me that I put her on such a pedestal and so ignored her faults that she felt that I didn't know her at all, and was instead married to this other idealized person. I, of course, immediately swore that I could and would fix it and I was so sorry and would she please come back. (She didn't.) The person up top who identified the "what went wrong" quest with the bargaining stage of grief is really on to something.
Jan 23, 2013 Nomti commented on Savage Love.
In terms of wedding advice, for the love of God (or a reasonable facsimile thereof), do counseling. If you're not in a faith tradition that does it, get a counselor. Sitting down with a professional and going through what each of you expects from your life together is invaluable. A good counselor will ask for four or six sessions, and will take you through what sort of expectations your families of origin have given you. You'll also cover money, kids, family roles, careers, where to (or if) you'll settle down. It's a great way to find friction points and get them into the open before they become problems.

Any clergy worth their salt will require it, but if you're getting a wedding for hire they may not bother; and of course if you're going to the courthouse or justice of the peace (do we still have those?) counseling is well outside their brief. I know it sounds like a pain in the ass, but it's seriously worth it. Best money and time you'll spend on your wedding.
Oct 5, 2011 Nomti commented on SL Letter of the Day: I Saw U.
If you're religious at all, you might try one of the local churches. Look for the ones that that mention something like "open and affirming" on their websites and have some sort of rainbow banner out front. If you're somewhere that has a pride parade, go to the next one and look for the congregations that march. Church will probably be a lousy place to find romance at your age, but it should be a nice safe place to come out, and there will almost certainly be a few older gay couples you can befriend.

Just a thought.
Oct 13, 2010 Nomti commented on Who You Gonna Believe?.
Ahem. Just scrolled down a bit, saw the Tony Perkins op-ed, then clicked through to his organization. Re: 17, nevermind. Also, fuck that guy.
Oct 13, 2010 Nomti commented on Who You Gonna Believe?.
I don't know who Tony Perkins is, so maybe you have cause to assume he's writing in bad faith, but another, more charitable explanation of his remarks is that he simply can't believe children raised in church would behave in such a deplorable manner. Apparently he'd be wrong, but that wouldn't make him a liar, just someone who believed in the positive power of his church to change lives.
Mar 17, 2010 Nomti commented on The Mysteries of DePauw University.
The John thing is probably evangelism. At my grad school one year, all of a sudden, "Do you agree with RB?" appeared all over campus. People talked about it, wondered about it. After about two weeks, there was an event explaining that RB was an Indian guy, raised Hindu, who'd converted to Christianity. They even gave out t-shirts: "I agree with RB!"
Sep 11, 2009 Nomti commented on There Is No Morality Without Religion.
@16 - When did all this happen? My understanding is that the rules are pretty strict nowadays, and if someone turned that guy in he should have been deposed.
Sep 11, 2009 Nomti commented on There Is No Morality Without Religion.
@Dan - there's a good reason that the ones who aren't married are doing this in secret anyway - it's wrong. It may not be against the rules for them to date and marry, but you can bet that it's against the rules for them to take advantage of their parishioners. It's sexual misconduct and if it comes out they lose not just that job, but their career, and properly so.