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Nov 16, 2016 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
There don't need to be different labels put on post-trauma sex. Sex is life affirming. Feelings of grief, loss or shock are commonly remedied with sex, regardless of the event. What better time to remind yourself that you're alive?
Nov 16, 2016 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
@13 That's why they say, "Don't move to Canada, move to a swing state!"
Sep 29, 2016 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
LW3: Your girlfriend feels like she missed out on her teenage dating years by being with you? How old was she when you started screwing her?? A seven year age difference might not seem like much when the ages are 36 and 29, but it's immense if you started "dating" at 20 and 13. Let her go. You don't have to dump her, just let her go so she can discover normal relationship development. From now on, try dating women who are already adults and don't cruise the schoolyards for your next girlfriend.
May 18, 2016 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
SHRUG: A lack of impulse control can be a symptom of dementia, stroke or other illness affecting the brain. If your dad's over-sharing is something new, his doctor should be notified and he should get a full neurological work up.
May 5, 2016 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
Re WHAT: As a female who enjoys anal, I don't buy for a second that what your boyfriend is doing is accidental. Maybe he tried it innocently once and found you didn't enjoy it, but now he's continuing to penetrate you anally without your consent. This is far beyond his being a selfish jerk. Forget the plug and end this relationship.
Dec 8, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
The reason that Certified and Licensed Massage Therapists bristle at being compared to sex workers isn't because we think there is anything wrong with sex work. It's because we are often victims of sexual assault by clients who've been let to believe that what we do is a front to sex work, and when we refuse on ethical and legal grounds to perform a sex act, these misled individuals think they're justified in taking it by force.

Thank you, Dan, for contributing to the misinformation that leads sexual assault of health professionals who've devoted many hours of study, passed medical boards and received certification and maintained state licensure in our profession. Next time, try comparing sex service to other service jobs, maybe waiting tables or being a retail clerk, where a sexual implication would not be taken seriously.
Oct 1, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
I honestly have to think that LW1 is the only one who ISN'T an asshole. The LW has been dating this guy for a mere eight weeks and they have no agreement to be monogamous. Despite this, LW is concerned that the activity on the side might be assholeish, which assholes generally don't care about. I would say that as long as the LW isn't misleading dating-guy into thinking there's monogamy where there isn't, then seeing other people doesn't make the LW an asshole.

LW2: Stringing some poor girl who wants monogamy along while you do whatever you want while plotting to break up with her? Asshole. Let her go so that you can both find the relationships you want.

LW3: Pretending to be monogamous with a guy while you help raise his child and then screwing around, potentially hurting not only the relationship but the child by destabilizing an important part of her life? Double asshole. Monogamy is not natural for most people, it's a choice that they make despite temptation (that's why it's called "commitment"). If you believe you can't choose monogamy, let the bf know and find a way to gracefully depart the relationship in a way that softens the blow to his kid. Anything less would be asshole three times over.
May 24, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
Ms Lang may be suspicious that HISMOM is a fake, but I have to wonder about a "childhood sexuality expert" who isn't familiar with Sigmund Freud's Stages of Psychosexual Development. Of course, Freud isn't the be-all-and-end-all of psychology, but he made many good points about why and at which ages we learn to associate pleasure with different erogenous zones. (Anal he associated with potty-training age, immediately after oral, or nursing age.)
May 13, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
LW1: Your partner is focused on getting their orgasmic organ stimulated and reaching their own orgasm during sex? Congratulations--you married a man!

Re LW2: I don't think she's talking about having coffee with people she's not attracted to. She's talking about seeing an an attractive lesbian who, when getting hot and heavy, suddenly has a hard dick. It's not as simple as not asking for a second date after coffee. I don't see anything wrong with saying that she's looking for a cis-gender lesbian in her online profile. She's not only clearly stating her orientation, but she's helping prevent a potentially humiliating experience for a trans lesbian.
Mar 7, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
LW2: If you're horny enough to get off with your vibrator, then you're horny enough to get off with your boyfriend. The question is which one you value more.