BeingABear
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May 18 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
SHRUG: A lack of impulse control can be a symptom of dementia, stroke or other illness affecting the brain. If your dad's over-sharing is something new, his doctor should be notified and he should get a full neurological work up.
May 5 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
Re WHAT: As a female who enjoys anal, I don't buy for a second that what your boyfriend is doing is accidental. Maybe he tried it innocently once and found you didn't enjoy it, but now he's continuing to penetrate you anally without your consent. This is far beyond his being a selfish jerk. Forget the plug and end this relationship.
Dec 8, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
The reason that Certified and Licensed Massage Therapists bristle at being compared to sex workers isn't because we think there is anything wrong with sex work. It's because we are often victims of sexual assault by clients who've been let to believe that what we do is a front to sex work, and when we refuse on ethical and legal grounds to perform a sex act, these misled individuals think they're justified in taking it by force.

Thank you, Dan, for contributing to the misinformation that leads sexual assault of health professionals who've devoted many hours of study, passed medical boards and received certification and maintained state licensure in our profession. Next time, try comparing sex service to other service jobs, maybe waiting tables or being a retail clerk, where a sexual implication would not be taken seriously.
Oct 1, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
I honestly have to think that LW1 is the only one who ISN'T an asshole. The LW has been dating this guy for a mere eight weeks and they have no agreement to be monogamous. Despite this, LW is concerned that the activity on the side might be assholeish, which assholes generally don't care about. I would say that as long as the LW isn't misleading dating-guy into thinking there's monogamy where there isn't, then seeing other people doesn't make the LW an asshole.

LW2: Stringing some poor girl who wants monogamy along while you do whatever you want while plotting to break up with her? Asshole. Let her go so that you can both find the relationships you want.

LW3: Pretending to be monogamous with a guy while you help raise his child and then screwing around, potentially hurting not only the relationship but the child by destabilizing an important part of her life? Double asshole. Monogamy is not natural for most people, it's a choice that they make despite temptation (that's why it's called "commitment"). If you believe you can't choose monogamy, let the bf know and find a way to gracefully depart the relationship in a way that softens the blow to his kid. Anything less would be asshole three times over.
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May 24, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
Ms Lang may be suspicious that HISMOM is a fake, but I have to wonder about a "childhood sexuality expert" who isn't familiar with Sigmund Freud's Stages of Psychosexual Development. Of course, Freud isn't the be-all-and-end-all of psychology, but he made many good points about why and at which ages we learn to associate pleasure with different erogenous zones. (Anal he associated with potty-training age, immediately after oral, or nursing age.)
May 13, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
LW1: Your partner is focused on getting their orgasmic organ stimulated and reaching their own orgasm during sex? Congratulations--you married a man!

Re LW2: I don't think she's talking about having coffee with people she's not attracted to. She's talking about seeing an an attractive lesbian who, when getting hot and heavy, suddenly has a hard dick. It's not as simple as not asking for a second date after coffee. I don't see anything wrong with saying that she's looking for a cis-gender lesbian in her online profile. She's not only clearly stating her orientation, but she's helping prevent a potentially humiliating experience for a trans lesbian.
Mar 7, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
LW2: If you're horny enough to get off with your vibrator, then you're horny enough to get off with your boyfriend. The question is which one you value more.
Feb 18, 2015 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
Re Good Son: Your dad should join a support group for spouses of people with your mom's illness. They're all in the same boat, and many are likely seeking the same kind of "support." (It worked for my father and the woman who wound up becoming his 3rd wife when they met each other through a support group for spouses of terminal cancer patients.)
Oct 29, 2014 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
LW1: Forget your son's masturbatory habits, and take your cat to the vet. Cats who pee on the floor instead of the litter box are usually doing it because they're feeling pain with urination from an infection or, worse, crystals that can form a blockage and be life threatening. Your son is fine, but your cat needs medical attention.

As far as the toothbrush thing goes, start buying toothbrushes in bulk and make sure that everyone in the household knows that they can grab a fresh one if they find the one they've been brushing their teeth with is suddenly covered with pee (or shit)...and get the son a gift cert for some appropriate toys.
Oct 25, 2014 BeingABear commented on Savage Love.
LW2: I don't think that your husband's masturbating has anything to do with you at all, really. Women may see masturbation as a substitute for sex with a partner when the latter is unavailable or inadequate, but men often use it as a way to relive tension and relax that has little or nothing to do with their intimate relationships. It's great that he is open with you about his private habits, but just because your man sometimes needs a release without the ritual of finding mutual satisfaction with a partner is not a reflection on you or your marriage.