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tamar

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Jan 4, 2012 tamar commented on Savage Love.

Thanks, vennominon. I was surprised to see the way the letter read, but I understand the need to cut extraneous (for the purpose of Dan's column) rambling details.... I rarely comment here but read regularly, and it is interesting (and a bit disconcerting) to be on the other side of things.

Jan 4, 2012 tamar commented on Savage Love.

#33 - I am happy to reap the benefits, because after we married 9 years ago (and after five years together with great sex) his libido basically died. I think he is probably not cut out to be monogamous with anyone. Something about knowing that I don't have to be the last woman he ever sleeps with seems to make a difference to him sexually, and while I like sex, I especially like sex with him and knowing he is happy.

Jan 4, 2012 tamar commented on Savage Love.

FYI, I am the person who wrote letter 1. I know that editing is necessary and undoubtedly my letter was not clear, as I dashed it off quickly after reading Dan's request in the column, but I would not call my husband's experiences 'sex without emotion and affection.' He is friends with his FWBs - often, we both are. I think I made that point in my original letter, but it was so much longer originally that cutting was certainly necessary. We are going to the wedding of one next month, have had many visit us and one even lived with us for awhile when she ran into financial trouble. In fact, when we first talked about this, I told him that it was important to me that he treat these women with respect and affection. Just FYI....

Dec 6, 2011 tamar commented on SL Letter of the Day: Taste Testing.

I agree that perhaps you could try to "ask" in a different tone. I am not crazy about the taste when I am licking him off after he's been inside me, but our relationship has a bit of D/s going on and when he grabs me by the scruff of the neck and tells me what I am going to do, I find it very sexy. Obviously if you try this and he balks, it would be inappropriate to pressure him further, but maybe all he needs is a more highly charged atmosphere.

Aug 24, 2011 tamar commented on There Is No "P" In "LGBTQITSLFA".

I am also still a little confused about "queer." My friend came out to me as "queer" recently as this was the conversation:
Her: I'm queer - do you know what that is?

Me: Not sure, actually - I saw a documentary recently and in that, it seemed the people who identified as queer meant it as a gender thing - that they didn't identify as a particular gender.

Her: Hah! No, that's not it at all. It means that I don't want to have sex with people because of anything physical. I'm not attracted to their sex organs or breasts or whatever - I am attracted to them because of who they are as people and how I feel about them on an emotional level.

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Now, I can't personally imagine not having a physical response - I always thought that "demonstrating our love" thing was fake, but apparently not! So I am still working on wrapping my head around that.

Aug 15, 2011 tamar commented on You Must Choose One.

Most of the lingerie guys are adorable. The elephant trunk guy is creepy. So, definitely the second.

Aug 4, 2011 tamar commented on SL Letter of the Day: Name That Poon.

Vaclabia sounds like a disease.

Cooch is cute, I guess. I tend to use pussy and don't see why it would be creepy. My sister also uses yoni with her little daughter - that strikes me as a little New Agey, but not bad if you want a non-sexual nickname.

Jul 30, 2010 tamar commented on SL Letter of the Day: Can He Keep His Fingers Erect? His Tongue? How About His Forearms?.

#25 - Nickadoo was just stating what s/he knows about the open relationships around him. As it happens, my husband and I have the same kind of deal - we can have some fun, but we have agreed not to fool around with anyone we would want to seriously date if we were single. That doesn't mean that there isn't any emotional attachment at all, but that, to us, it is important to focus our romantic love only on one another. Yes, it is always possible that someone could fall in love with someone else (just as monogamous people do) but we do our best to avoid that. I have made a commitment to him and to our life together, so even if a guy came along who might be "better" for me, I am not interested.

If you feel comfortable simultaneously carrying on serious romantic relationships with more than one person, and the other people in your life are comfortable with that as well, then go ahead. I have heard of this, but it certainly seems to be much less common.

p.s. I am in the DTMFA crowd on this guy - he sounds like a bad choice in oh, so many ways.

Jun 24, 2010 tamar commented on SL Letter of the Day: Feminism For Dummies.

Interesting exchange. BTW, I completely got your subtext in the last letter, though I don't claim to be Super Reader.

Jan 30, 2010 tamar commented on Florida State University.

Yeah, maybe your gag answer was funny but it wasn't all that helpful (and this is from a woman who quite enjoys a hand on the back of the neck.) Concentrating on breathing between strokes is the key for me. It's easy to accidentally hold my breath too long if I'm not concentrating and that's always makes me gag.