Apr 6, 2011
Annee commented on Savage Love.
I hope Dumb goes on that date and plays it safe. He may just be awkward, or he may be a weirdo, but I think it's worth a shot (meeting in public and maybe even having friends nearby).
The odds are >99% that it won't work out, because it's highly unlikely that the very first person who asks her out is "the one" or even "a one". However, if the date isn't a total disaster maybe it will help her get out there more and meet more people. And, there is that 0.01% probability that it could work out.
The odds are >99% that it won't work out, because it's highly unlikely that the very first person who asks her out is "the one" or even "a one". However, if the date isn't a total disaster maybe it will help her get out there more and meet more people. And, there is that 0.01% probability that it could work out.
Mar 30, 2011
Annee commented on Savage Love.
I agree with #6. For a while Savage Love and the podcast were the "Sex at Dawn" weekly show and now it's all "It Gets Better" all the time.
It's excessive and it gets annoying. I think that more emphasis needs to be placed on the "advice column" parts of the column / podcast / blog. I'm not saying that all promos or opinions need to be removed, but I think that 50% of what is currently offered would be a better amount.
It's excessive and it gets annoying. I think that more emphasis needs to be placed on the "advice column" parts of the column / podcast / blog. I'm not saying that all promos or opinions need to be removed, but I think that 50% of what is currently offered would be a better amount.
Feb 9, 2011
Annee commented on Savage Love.
SCIL is crazy. She looked for her "first love" on the internet so this crisis in her 2nd marriage was totally precipitated by her. I think she needs drama to exist.
I don't think the problem is monogamy, either. I don't think this is about the sex, it's about the crazy. If she were openly poly she'd also find a way to create drama.
She really needs to grow up, but that is unlikely to happen. Whatever she does, she's always going to be in crisis, and I don't envy the men she screws around with in the future.
I don't think the problem is monogamy, either. I don't think this is about the sex, it's about the crazy. If she were openly poly she'd also find a way to create drama.
She really needs to grow up, but that is unlikely to happen. Whatever she does, she's always going to be in crisis, and I don't envy the men she screws around with in the future.
Feb 2, 2011
Annee commented on Savage Love.
I think the response to NSNA was a little harsh. He was asking, rather than "inflicting himself" on someone. He had tried dating asexuals but found that he was not quite asexual, but just low libido.
I think he's asking the right questions, at least, and trying to be conscientious.
I think he's in an OK position, actually, because there are more low-libido women than low-libido men out there I think.
One thing is, if he's under 30 or dating women under 30 he might have more of an issue, because women's sex drives can change a lot (in my own experience) in their 20s and so if he meets a nice minimally sexual 24-year-old, she may turn into a raging nympho at 31, and that could be a problem.
I think that he just has to treat this like a foot fetish -- date women and disclose on the 10th date that he has a lower than average libido, but he is attracted to them, blah blah blah. He'll probably get dumped a few times but hopefully if he keeps looking he'll figure it out.
I think he's asking the right questions, at least, and trying to be conscientious.
I think he's in an OK position, actually, because there are more low-libido women than low-libido men out there I think.
One thing is, if he's under 30 or dating women under 30 he might have more of an issue, because women's sex drives can change a lot (in my own experience) in their 20s and so if he meets a nice minimally sexual 24-year-old, she may turn into a raging nympho at 31, and that could be a problem.
I think that he just has to treat this like a foot fetish -- date women and disclose on the 10th date that he has a lower than average libido, but he is attracted to them, blah blah blah. He'll probably get dumped a few times but hopefully if he keeps looking he'll figure it out.
Jan 29, 2011
Annee commented on Savage Love.
I think SUPER's girlfriend's reaction was a major red flag. Unless she apologized in the next week, I think she should be toast.
It isn't just that the fantasy bothered her, it's that she psychoanalyzed her boyfriend and diagnosed him as a villainous, sexist, immature neurotic.
If something bothers her, or makes her jealous, she needs to take responsibility for her own emotions and reactions, instead of pointing the finger. If she reacted badly in the moment, she needs to apologize promptly and initiate a mature discussion. If she can't do that he needs to dump her.
I agree with Dan that this is a red flag for a manipulator or abuser.
If my boyfriend told me he was into scat or incest fantasies, I might be disturbed, even as a longtime Savage Love reader (yes I know these fetishes are common but they still gross me out). However, I hope I would at least understand that my reactions or feelings of insecurity and grossness are just feelings and don't mean that the other person is Ted Bundy. I don't have to like it, but I don't have to call the other person names either.
The girlfriend's crime isn't being vanilla or boring in bed. It's leaping to accusations and her attempt to shame her boyfriend that make the whole thing disturbing.
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It isn't just that the fantasy bothered her, it's that she psychoanalyzed her boyfriend and diagnosed him as a villainous, sexist, immature neurotic.
If something bothers her, or makes her jealous, she needs to take responsibility for her own emotions and reactions, instead of pointing the finger. If she reacted badly in the moment, she needs to apologize promptly and initiate a mature discussion. If she can't do that he needs to dump her.
I agree with Dan that this is a red flag for a manipulator or abuser.
If my boyfriend told me he was into scat or incest fantasies, I might be disturbed, even as a longtime Savage Love reader (yes I know these fetishes are common but they still gross me out). However, I hope I would at least understand that my reactions or feelings of insecurity and grossness are just feelings and don't mean that the other person is Ted Bundy. I don't have to like it, but I don't have to call the other person names either.
The girlfriend's crime isn't being vanilla or boring in bed. It's leaping to accusations and her attempt to shame her boyfriend that make the whole thing disturbing.
Dec 27, 2010
Annee commented on Savage Love.
I think #155 and #164 make good points. I think that really dysfunctional situations often have a 'villain' and a 'saint' but these roles can be very deceptive. For example, sometimes a family martyr sacrifices not only him/herself but also their children.
However, by snooping and being overly-involved in the family drama, MOM and his brother are being part of the problem, not part of the solution.
The best advice for MOM and the brother is simply "Get a Life." They should worry about their own romances, not their parents', especially since it sounds like they're old enough to be doing their own thing. They aren't obligated to defend their mother any more -- let her defend herself -- but should instead look at protecting their lives and their spouses/children from any potential abuse or idiotic drama.
I think #155 and #164 make good points. I think that really dysfunctional situations often have a 'villain' and a 'saint' but these roles can be very deceptive. For example, sometimes a family martyr sacrifices not only him/herself but also their children.
However, by snooping and being overly-involved in the family drama, MOM and his brother are being part of the problem, not part of the solution.
The best advice for MOM and the brother is simply "Get a Life." They should worry about their own romances, not their parents', especially since it sounds like they're old enough to be doing their own thing. They aren't obligated to defend their mother any more -- let her defend herself -- but should instead look at protecting their lives and their spouses/children from any potential abuse or idiotic drama.
Dec 15, 2010
Annee commented on Savage Love.
The mud fetish is no big deal in my opinion. I think it's kind of hot, and fairly understandable. Everyone knows about mud wrestling and the movie Ghost, so there's plenty of precedent and context for this kind of thing.
If MUD had better social skills, he'd have had messy, slimy sex with dozens of women by this point in his life. Sometimes when you make a really big deal out of something, it becomes an insurmountable obstacle, even when it's really not anything important or unusual.
If MUD had better social skills, he'd have had messy, slimy sex with dozens of women by this point in his life. Sometimes when you make a really big deal out of something, it becomes an insurmountable obstacle, even when it's really not anything important or unusual.
Dec 1, 2010
Annee commented on SL Letter of the Day: Slam, Bam, Slam, Bam, Slam, Bam—Without A Thank You, Ma'am?.
The funniest thing is that this a-hole wants to be a father someday. LOL, what a role model he will be...
Nov 26, 2010
Annee commented on SL Letter of the Day: Senior Swishbuckler.
I have another piece of advice for CH: I think you should stay away from telling this or any girl that you have a goal of sleeping with a woman before graduation. That makes it sound like you are just checking a box, and like she's a nothing but a means to an end.
I am assuming you have some attraction to women, and to this girl in particular. I think saying something like, "I'm 99.9% gay, but that other 0.1% is intrigued by women, and I do find you attractive, so if your offer still stands..."
No need to lie, but you don't have to spell out every part of your motivation, either.
I think you will have a lot more luck if you plays up the sexy attraction angle and play down the "bucket list" angle.
I am assuming you have some attraction to women, and to this girl in particular. I think saying something like, "I'm 99.9% gay, but that other 0.1% is intrigued by women, and I do find you attractive, so if your offer still stands..."
No need to lie, but you don't have to spell out every part of your motivation, either.
I think you will have a lot more luck if you plays up the sexy attraction angle and play down the "bucket list" angle.
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Take responsibility for your actions and work on living your life with integrity, and hope your daughter learns from your example and thinks about what she has done.
If you make your amends and clean up your mess, maybe you will teach her how to do the same.