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Oct 18, 2011 drizzle89 commented on A Nerd of Her Own.
There's more to life than consuming culture. Sooner or later you probably want to produce something of your own.

"You should learn to hack" is like "you should get a library card." There is no good reason to avoid something that is free, easy to start, and brings you power and joy.

There ends my public service announcement. Geek guys are awesome. I'm engaged to one. I swoon for his bookshelf.
Aug 26, 2011 drizzle89 commented on Can Slog & "Savage Love" Readers Save This Word?.
There's a standard term for this in (of course) French: "mari complaisant." A woman who's okay with her husband sleeping around is a "femme complaisante."
Apr 20, 2011 drizzle89 commented on Black Gay Poet Is Not Rick Santorum's Favorite Poet.
This is why SB is a troll:

Average outcomes would certainly rise in a national health scenario. Those who now choose cable tv and 4 cell phones over doctor visits for their children would have access to the medical community they've chosen not to use (at my expense of course.) So yes, babies would be better cared for in poor communities, elderly care likewise might improve ON AVERAGE. What would diminish is the level of care for those who have chosen to care for themselves already. For me it isn't worth it, since I already subsidize the bad choices of the poor. Frankly, I have enough to do caring for my own family that IS my responsibility without adding those of others into the mix that aren't.

I'm an actual libertarian, and I have a rough idea of what's said on the anti-national-health care side. It's usually less "screw the poor" and more "we can't afford this and given the government's track record, it's not going to make anybody healthier." Average outcomes probably won't rise. SB is doing a decent impression of a conservative, but this weird combination of spite and naivete tips his hand.
Apr 20, 2011 drizzle89 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Round Up, Round Down, Or Refuse to Round At All.
I've got an ethical question:
I'm a straight girl in a relationship with a guy, but girls can turn me on. I kissed a girl at a party -- my boyfriend knew and didn't mind, and the girl knew I had a boyfriend, and so I thought I was in the clear.

But my bisexual BFF says this is a horrible thing to do, that straight girls should just stay away from women because this makes a travesty of actual lesbian love -- it's wrong to want to fool around with girls but settle down with a guy.

Apr 12, 2011 drizzle89 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Postmarital Sex.
If you stay with him, you're going to have to be VERY nice to him.

Even if he seems tolerant, a lot of people are willing to tolerate in others what they're afraid to tolerate in themselves. He's a Muslim in the process of breaking a lot of Muslim taboos, and if/when he does have penetrative sex, it could FREAK HIM THE FUCK OUT. It's an enormous stress doing something that you were raised to believe was wrong. If he's uncharitable, there's a chance he could blame you for making him "bad" -- if he's nice, he'll just have awful self-esteem issues. That's a lot of pressure on you. Someone's gotta break him in (he sounds like he's not going to be an observant Muslim or virgin forever) but that someone has got to be able to withstand some heavy-duty feelings. If you're not interested in playing therapist, that someone shouldn't be you.
Mar 23, 2011 drizzle89 commented on Gay Men and Sexually Transmitted Infections.
1. Oh, Dan. Your argument kind of makes sense -- kind of -- but it reminds me a little bit of the conservative thing "We MUST punish homosexuality! Because otherwise ALL the men will want to be gay! Because the gays get to have so much sex! Ladies, you're a drag and the only reason we put up with you now is the fear of God." Which is kind of dispiriting to me, as a lady. I'm the only thing keeping men from having a wild good time? Is fucking my boyfriend twice a day not good enough? Am I simultaneously not sexy enough to satisfy a man and too sexy to serve my social function as a curb on sexuality?

2. Have you guys ever heard of a small world graph? You don't NEED a lot of highly sexually-active people to spread disease -- you only need a few with lots of partners. It's really a remarkable result. Erdos-Renyi. Look it up.
Feb 17, 2011 drizzle89 commented on Savage Love.
if you're not "conservative" by heart, then stop fucking faking it. I've never been married, but I've pretended to be staid and "normal" and it's totally exhausting. You don't have to be Ward Cleaver. Stop telling yourself "I can't do anything I wanna do!!!!" You're a grown man, your wife is not your mother, and if you really want something, you can get it.

Make a list of things you wanna do. Then see -- are any of them feasible? Are you telling yourself you "can't" do something that you could actually do and let off some steam?

If your heart's desire is to go to Burning Man or something, maybe you can do that. If you want to get the kids out of the house and have a sexy weekend, you can do that. People who think they're expected to play a certain role often deny themselves pleasures because they think they're not "allowed" to be themselves.
Feb 17, 2011 drizzle89 commented on Savage Love.
It's not the wife, it's the age. You just don't like being 40.

You want a good role model for how you can be middle-aged, married to the same woman for twenty-five years, and still have a good time? Look at my dad.

He just never let himself get boring. He's ambitious about his career and is constantly aiming higher at an age when most people coast. He's ambitious about fitness, and beats college kids twice his height at basketball. He puts effort into how he dresses -- he looks DAPPER, all the time. He can charm a waitress into giving him extra good service. He isn't going out to wild parties all the time, but he does go out, and he does like fine liquor. He's always been faithful to my mom and loving to his kids, but he HAS A LIFE OF HIS OWN, and it's a pretty damn good life.

When you think about it, it can be better to be a mature man than to be a partying twenty-year-old. You have more authority; you can shape the world more effectively. Think about Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock -- is he having a lousy time, just because he's middle-aged? No, he's on top of the world. It's a matter of confidence and ambition. You're not over the hill, the good part is just starting.
Feb 2, 2011 drizzle89 commented on Savage Love.
NSNA: At first I thought "I should introduce you to my churchy girlfriends!" There are *so* many pretty Christian girls who are turned off by sex but are waiting for love and romance.

But... Dan should have noticed the tip-off words "lack of confidence, stamina." NSNA, you're not asexual, or minimally sexual, you're messed up. You need to figure out why you're not confident and fix it. You need to exercise -- there's a fair chance it'll raise your testosterone, make you better at sex, and make you good-looking enough to raise your confidence (vanity can be a good thing.) It's pretty likely that you're only "minimally sexual" because of your *present* situation, and you could be "maximally sexual" and you'd enjoy it.
Nov 15, 2010 drizzle89 commented on A Libertarian Perspective on Health Care.
Okay, fuck you.

My best friend told me he can't sleep at night because the pain in his legs never stops. He has a degenerative disease that'll have him in a wheelchair in ten years. And he has no insurance to treat it.

You might be surprised to learn that his insurance provider stopped covering his condition immediately when Obamacare went into effect. If you outlaw discriminating against people with preexisting conditions, what do you think insurers are going to do? Reduce coverage and raise prices, that's right! Thanks to the new law, my friend is in unbearable pain, every day.

Policies can hurt real people. The lack of universal health care hurts people in tragic ways. So does universal health care. When libertarians like me oppose universal health care, it's not because we're cruel freaks who want to see people suffer. It's because we think it's the way to minimize suffering, to make medical care cheaper and more easily available. You might want to consider that not everybody agrees on the best strategy for increasing access to medical care.

Some of us are silly and blindly ideological, sure. Some of us are poorly educated and can be fooled into believing quack remedies. (That's more sad than funny, guys.) But most of us are interested in helping people.