Apr 11
wendykh commented on SL Letter of the Day: Kiddie Porn Catch 22.
#23 is the winner here. Turn it in after he passes. Yes, I'd rather now. But if she won't turn dad in, better do it after death than not at all. It's amazing what they can trace from images. Turn it in.
Apr 7
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
I'm guessing those who think it's a stupid decision for a 22 yr old to have sex with a man in his 40s haven't had the pleasure of putting up with average 20 something het male sex.
Also: neither all commentors nor writers are American. I do not envision the car as some uber safe transport, especially as 2 immediately family members died in one. Even so looking at stats for motorcycles compared to cars... please. Stop trying to call bikes safe. Fun? Sure. Your choice? Sure. Safe? Bitch please. Just stop.
I'm another one at a university that has the same prohibitions (or lack thereof) mentioned in 22. My husband teaches in a department where I take courses. No one cares. I don't take his classes. I know a couple of people who have taken courses from the partners. No one cares. Someone else just grades it. It's not a big deal. In fact this thing about promoting someone's work for her boobs? Yeah ironically it just doesn't happen here. It just doesn't. You don't have to promote her work for her boobs, because there's no crime in fucking her to begin with.
Finally, it's gross to presume an entitlement to sex. If you're not the kind of person I want to have sex with, including but not limited to armed forces members, republicans, vegans, BDSM enthusiasts, smokers, cheap scroogey fuckers, fat people.... Well, exhibiting any of those behaviours is not going to make my panties wet and I'm not going to want to have sex with you. It's not "abusive" or "manipulation". It's simple cause and effect. If you want to turn me on, be clean and hygenic, dress well, smile a lot, be kind to kids and small animals, have a wicked sense of humour. If you want to turn me off, join the army, vote for Harper, gain 50lbs, start smoking. I'm unlikely to want to fuck if you do these things. I may get desperate and change my mind but in general I'd much rather fuck someone not doing those things, and I'll be thinking of it as desperation sex rather than actual satisfaction.
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Also: neither all commentors nor writers are American. I do not envision the car as some uber safe transport, especially as 2 immediately family members died in one. Even so looking at stats for motorcycles compared to cars... please. Stop trying to call bikes safe. Fun? Sure. Your choice? Sure. Safe? Bitch please. Just stop.
I'm another one at a university that has the same prohibitions (or lack thereof) mentioned in 22. My husband teaches in a department where I take courses. No one cares. I don't take his classes. I know a couple of people who have taken courses from the partners. No one cares. Someone else just grades it. It's not a big deal. In fact this thing about promoting someone's work for her boobs? Yeah ironically it just doesn't happen here. It just doesn't. You don't have to promote her work for her boobs, because there's no crime in fucking her to begin with.
Finally, it's gross to presume an entitlement to sex. If you're not the kind of person I want to have sex with, including but not limited to armed forces members, republicans, vegans, BDSM enthusiasts, smokers, cheap scroogey fuckers, fat people.... Well, exhibiting any of those behaviours is not going to make my panties wet and I'm not going to want to have sex with you. It's not "abusive" or "manipulation". It's simple cause and effect. If you want to turn me on, be clean and hygenic, dress well, smile a lot, be kind to kids and small animals, have a wicked sense of humour. If you want to turn me off, join the army, vote for Harper, gain 50lbs, start smoking. I'm unlikely to want to fuck if you do these things. I may get desperate and change my mind but in general I'd much rather fuck someone not doing those things, and I'll be thinking of it as desperation sex rather than actual satisfaction.
Mar 6
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
I don't get the locked up cock fetish at all. To me it's like forcing a flower to grow in a tiny test tube. Sad.
Dec 19, 2012
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
NOPE if you're reading one thing I want to point out is your fantasies do NOT mean you want these things in real life! I have fantasized about some jacked up stuff. Incest, creepy coercive gang bangs, sex in public places (I don't mean like in a secluded park, I mean like in a plane seat, making others around us uncomfortable). I used to be really grossed out by this and finally realized that um no I don't ACTUALLY want to bang various relatives. I just like the concept and the power dynamics and the ick factor *while fantasizing*. I mean I even fantasized about banging my sister. I DON'T HAVE A SISTER! And in real life I was grossed out by the idea of banging my dad, never found him remotely attractive in THAT way. Then I realized in my fantasies, it wasn't HIM. It was *A* dad. I'm not even sure the me was really me. I mean I've fantasized I was a guy before. It's like a running porno movie in my head and I'm the director! :-D
And even if you ARE imagining your actual parents, etc, the reason you're feeling ooked out is because you don't actually want to do this in real life. You see them in person and think OMG! NO! YUCK! So don't be too hard on yourself.
That said, it can also be disturbing and gross and I totally get wanting to change your thought patterns there. It's really not too unlike Dan's thing where he tells guys to not wank off too much in one position or with the same kind of stroke lest they get too accomodated to it that way and can't others. It took me a bit to wean myself off the more extreme stuff, several months, years in some cases, but I got there eventually and I am REALLY happy I did it. Other fantasies I decided to just get over it and some of those eventually went away as I became bored with them. For the incest ones, it wasn't too hard... I substituted someone who was NOT a relative but a similar dynamic (say a family friend or something). I felt a lot better once I stopped thinking about stuff I found repulsive. Hugs to you, I completely get it. Make sure you find a sex positive therapist, and one who won't think you ACTUALLY want to fuck little kids/your parents or who won't shame you and although you might not consider it this way but one who won't go on and on and on about your family of origin and how you were clearly so horribly, terribly, brutally hurt and now you're so very, horribly, terribly broken. You're not a charity case, you lived through something awful, you're a damn fighter, you just need to learn new ways of thinking not to have some break down where you admit you're destroyed and incredibly messed up and unfixable. That kind of therapy doesn't help very many people and usually just makes them feel more miserable and depressed!
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And even if you ARE imagining your actual parents, etc, the reason you're feeling ooked out is because you don't actually want to do this in real life. You see them in person and think OMG! NO! YUCK! So don't be too hard on yourself.
That said, it can also be disturbing and gross and I totally get wanting to change your thought patterns there. It's really not too unlike Dan's thing where he tells guys to not wank off too much in one position or with the same kind of stroke lest they get too accomodated to it that way and can't others. It took me a bit to wean myself off the more extreme stuff, several months, years in some cases, but I got there eventually and I am REALLY happy I did it. Other fantasies I decided to just get over it and some of those eventually went away as I became bored with them. For the incest ones, it wasn't too hard... I substituted someone who was NOT a relative but a similar dynamic (say a family friend or something). I felt a lot better once I stopped thinking about stuff I found repulsive. Hugs to you, I completely get it. Make sure you find a sex positive therapist, and one who won't think you ACTUALLY want to fuck little kids/your parents or who won't shame you and although you might not consider it this way but one who won't go on and on and on about your family of origin and how you were clearly so horribly, terribly, brutally hurt and now you're so very, horribly, terribly broken. You're not a charity case, you lived through something awful, you're a damn fighter, you just need to learn new ways of thinking not to have some break down where you admit you're destroyed and incredibly messed up and unfixable. That kind of therapy doesn't help very many people and usually just makes them feel more miserable and depressed!
Dec 5, 2012
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Oh god not this shit again. I was looking forward to a new column. I once believed I was "oriented" poly too. Until I found someone who actually loved me and fucked me properly. Yeah I thought I had before as well. Did I change or did my circumstances? I don't know. Who cares? IME tho this poly orientation bullshit seems to be the way people (usually men) use to justify philandery to their spouse. How come it's considered gauche for a bisexual to say "I need to have sex with men AND women" and not commit to monogamy, but it's totally down for polys to not be able to commit? Double standard or what? I suppose maybe I'm still poly because I refuse to commit to not sleeping with other women, but I'm perfectly fine only being with one guy (ironically the husband does not think the gender matters, to me it's ENTIRELY different...and this is hy I just don't fit in with most bi folks).
Nov 22, 2012
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
I have never met anyone who was poly after meeting someone they actually wanted to be exclusive with, and for whom they felt it was worth it to be exclusive.
Polyamory and monogamy are way more than sexual behaviours. There's a lot of other factors invovled. I've said before Mister Husband and I used to be monogamish, but quit. No we weren't jealous or felt guilt or anything but it's too much of a PITA with kids and work and lives to have enough time to devote to *everyone* properly. If he had time to have sex, it needed to be with me and if I was satisfied then fine he could fuck others but no there was no going out for sex and cocktails in the afternoon with the secretary bullshit when I was home wishing he would take ME out for that. And no I wasn't fat and frumpy and out of shape and/or whining or not interested or vanilla in bed.
We enjoyed it while we did it but finally putting up with scheduling and dealing with other people's bullshit was too much. We have enough problems managing just our own connection and making sure our communication is good to drag in dealing with someone else's issues as well. Just not worth the bother.
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Polyamory and monogamy are way more than sexual behaviours. There's a lot of other factors invovled. I've said before Mister Husband and I used to be monogamish, but quit. No we weren't jealous or felt guilt or anything but it's too much of a PITA with kids and work and lives to have enough time to devote to *everyone* properly. If he had time to have sex, it needed to be with me and if I was satisfied then fine he could fuck others but no there was no going out for sex and cocktails in the afternoon with the secretary bullshit when I was home wishing he would take ME out for that. And no I wasn't fat and frumpy and out of shape and/or whining or not interested or vanilla in bed.
We enjoyed it while we did it but finally putting up with scheduling and dealing with other people's bullshit was too much. We have enough problems managing just our own connection and making sure our communication is good to drag in dealing with someone else's issues as well. Just not worth the bother.
Oct 18, 2012
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Women get to choose what to do about a *pregnancy*
Neither men nor women get to choose to abandon responsibility to a *child*. Whether that be to place for adoption or raise the child. Stop confusing pregnancy with actual living children. If you are a man who WOULD choose to have an abortion should you impregnate someone, you need to use a condom, your own condom that you bring and know the status of, every single time.
Rather than bitching they want the right to abandon an actual living breathing human, men would be better served demanding effective birth control options for themselves. The fact there are so many for women is simply a hold over from the societal expectation that a pregnancy was our problem, not his.
And for the record, if the mother remarries, her new partner can adopt the child (although personally I strongly advise against anyone ever allowing a non-biological partner to adopt their child... Way too many people out there who did and lost their custody rights when the divorce came later) if the father (or mother actually, in the case the dad has custody) signs away his rights.
As for not fucking people due to politcs... I don't even want to be friends (as in beyond common courteous superficial discourse) with people who hold certain political opinions, why would I fuck them?
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Neither men nor women get to choose to abandon responsibility to a *child*. Whether that be to place for adoption or raise the child. Stop confusing pregnancy with actual living children. If you are a man who WOULD choose to have an abortion should you impregnate someone, you need to use a condom, your own condom that you bring and know the status of, every single time.
Rather than bitching they want the right to abandon an actual living breathing human, men would be better served demanding effective birth control options for themselves. The fact there are so many for women is simply a hold over from the societal expectation that a pregnancy was our problem, not his.
And for the record, if the mother remarries, her new partner can adopt the child (although personally I strongly advise against anyone ever allowing a non-biological partner to adopt their child... Way too many people out there who did and lost their custody rights when the divorce came later) if the father (or mother actually, in the case the dad has custody) signs away his rights.
As for not fucking people due to politcs... I don't even want to be friends (as in beyond common courteous superficial discourse) with people who hold certain political opinions, why would I fuck them?
Sep 19, 2012
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
I think when people say it's degrading to women they mean this because it reduces the position of the woman to nothing but a well positioned hole for him to enter, since often they aren't touching her in any way but that, maybe with hands on her ass, and he can't see her face or anything so she could be yk, anyone. I don't see it like that, but some women do I know.
As for taste... I've had a large sample from both genders... and pussy juice is in no way shape or form comparable to semen at all, tho both have their dinstinctness and slight unpleasantness. But I have to admit I have never, ever tasted sperm from even the most pure living vegan who never ate asparagus and gorged on pinapple that was anything better than gross at best. And it's not the psychological issue for me at all, it is all out the sea water and snot taste/texture combo, to varying degrees depending on the dude and his diet. It might taste like very weak/liquidy snot/seawater but in the end, that's what it tastes like to me.
I am luckily married to a man who has no issue about not coming in the mouth, nor does he consider it an inferior BJ. In fact he rather prefers extensive handjobs with massage oil. Let me add I'm extremely creative with the handjobs, it's more like an hour long massage, not just yk, jerking him off.
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As for taste... I've had a large sample from both genders... and pussy juice is in no way shape or form comparable to semen at all, tho both have their dinstinctness and slight unpleasantness. But I have to admit I have never, ever tasted sperm from even the most pure living vegan who never ate asparagus and gorged on pinapple that was anything better than gross at best. And it's not the psychological issue for me at all, it is all out the sea water and snot taste/texture combo, to varying degrees depending on the dude and his diet. It might taste like very weak/liquidy snot/seawater but in the end, that's what it tastes like to me.
I am luckily married to a man who has no issue about not coming in the mouth, nor does he consider it an inferior BJ. In fact he rather prefers extensive handjobs with massage oil. Let me add I'm extremely creative with the handjobs, it's more like an hour long massage, not just yk, jerking him off.
Sep 12, 2012
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Dude.
If I was not ALREADY discussing sex with my aunt, and she gave me that kind of crap, especially putting it under my pillow, I'd start freaking out terrified she was trying to groom me for hot lesbian incest sex, probably sob hysterically to my BFF because I'd be afraid to tell my parents, and my BFF would probably freak to her mom, who would then call CPS.
Just fucking NO. Do not buy her a thing. Mention sscarleteen and (if you absolutely must) that if she wants something you'll happily provide a cc number for some website up to X amount. Say it in person so she can see you're not perving.
If I was not ALREADY discussing sex with my aunt, and she gave me that kind of crap, especially putting it under my pillow, I'd start freaking out terrified she was trying to groom me for hot lesbian incest sex, probably sob hysterically to my BFF because I'd be afraid to tell my parents, and my BFF would probably freak to her mom, who would then call CPS.
Just fucking NO. Do not buy her a thing. Mention sscarleteen and (if you absolutely must) that if she wants something you'll happily provide a cc number for some website up to X amount. Say it in person so she can see you're not perving.
Aug 29, 2012
wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Waving tits in a face is not initiating sex. Now if the drunk girl climbs on your dick and starts screaming "yippe-kai-yay!".... yeah sorry I guess I'm an asshole but I can't call that rape either. Rape is not regret.
If unconsented sex is rape based on the fact someone is sleeping, then the sexsomniac is being raped even as they do the raping. Ridiculous. Amnesia does not = lack of consent.
I have an exGF who is VERY sexual in her sleep, very responsive, and cuddly, and easily aroused for sex. She'll start the hand movements and gentle groping, and then when she wakes up to the kissing and very aroused partner will be all "oh my you're always waking me up for sex, what is that?" She totally refused to believe she is being sexual in her sleep at all... So I filmed her :-O She was very surprised how touchy feely she is while sleeping.
And sorry but NO waking up to sex in a bed where you went to sleep naked with your significant other and then when you asked them to stop and they did IS NOT RAPE. Seriously. There's something seriously fucked up about feeling raped under those conditions. Only a privileged fucking male could call that rape.
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If unconsented sex is rape based on the fact someone is sleeping, then the sexsomniac is being raped even as they do the raping. Ridiculous. Amnesia does not = lack of consent.
I have an exGF who is VERY sexual in her sleep, very responsive, and cuddly, and easily aroused for sex. She'll start the hand movements and gentle groping, and then when she wakes up to the kissing and very aroused partner will be all "oh my you're always waking me up for sex, what is that?" She totally refused to believe she is being sexual in her sleep at all... So I filmed her :-O She was very surprised how touchy feely she is while sleeping.
And sorry but NO waking up to sex in a bed where you went to sleep naked with your significant other and then when you asked them to stop and they did IS NOT RAPE. Seriously. There's something seriously fucked up about feeling raped under those conditions. Only a privileged fucking male could call that rape.
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