Nov 22, 2013 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Am I the only one suspicious this every three weeks or so thing is some groping, french kissing, and LIBIDO getting a BJ? Especially with a girl paranoid of the pain?
Sep 11, 2013 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Okay I'll come out and say why I think the dick sheath idea sucks... in my experience, one does get "accustomed" to a certain size. No just using it now and then won't make her "accustomed" to the enhanced size, but if she starts going to town on it often, or using bigger dildos, she will. And then the lack of sensation issue will be even worse. Now I know 37 women are going to reply and say I'm insane and that never happened to THEIR pussy, but it happened to be, and my girlfriends (obviously, not ALL of us, but many) so... I'm just sayin'.... this could maybe make the problem worse.
Aug 21, 2013 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Am I the only one who thinks this diaper thing from PISS could be entirely nothing to do with sex? I'm sorry but if my 12 yr old daughter could get her shit together enough to buy tampons to avoid the horror of telling her parents she menstruated (she's super, super private) and hide her cycle for months, you'd think this kid could buy some fucking pullups? Maybe I'm weird but I'm sensing a kid jealous about younger step/half siblings and having issues about growing up/not being a kid/going through puberty possibly.

He could indeed just be a big ol' perv. He could also be having some fucking ISSUES.
Aug 21, 2013 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
100% with you Dan on the whiner. And frankly, he probably did come to you for that. As a person with a physical handicap I HATE when people baby me and don't tell me to STFU like they would anyone else.

I have an eye with no muscles, over which I wear an ocular prosthesis. I managed to score myself 3 very sexy husbands with fabulous careers and good manners and large dicks. (over time, I'm a serial monogamist not a poly chick). I have never had a problem getting laid. I have a buddy in a wheelchair who despite being paralyzed in his legs gets more pussy than most guys I know, for a variety of reasons. (He showers regularly for one, is respectful for two, truly enjoys women and sex for three, girls feel safe with him for four, he has a great personality and is always the one having fun and a good time for five... I could go on?). I have a friend with a missing arm thanks to a shitty farming accident... didn't change the fact he was a sexy, sexy, sexy man who married the cheerleader. If you're not getting laid DIMI, it's not due to your fingers.
Jun 6, 2013 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
I'm amazed by the people who think EFFED hasn't told her husband his thing is not her thing. I mean I wouldn't mention it either, as it's so bleeding obvious. He's told her the fantasy, she said no, so he starts dirty talking about it in bed? And doesn't notice she's shut down sexually? Give me a break.

And while we're here I hate that NYT article. Talk about STILL being from a fucking hetero male POV. The amount of women in good relationships where they are having hot satisfying sex who want sex with other men (as in actually want it, not just think about it, not just fantasize about it, not who say it sounds interesting, but who actively are out trying to get yet MORE dick) is pretty insignificant. No not because we're oppressed by society. Because we're getting fucked properly.

Hetero women often will lie about their sexual satisfactin. "Sex isn't the most important thing." Especially when a guy is "good on paper" and would "make a good father/provider." Add in social conditioning where it's considered so terribly rude to admit a guy isn't satisfying you in bed, and where we're taught a guy who makes us crazy in the head because he's so crazy in the bed is definitely a bad thing, and instead we should strive for something nice quiet and calm. Don't want to get too rowdy or anything. Gah. No wonder we settle for lame unsatisfying sex.

Then a bunch of men go study it and a few women and think hey "maybe women actually wanna fuck a lot of people!" Maybe. Or maybe they'd like to just get laid properly for once by a guy who isn't a complete asshole.
Apr 11, 2013 wendykh commented on SL Letter of the Day: Kiddie Porn Catch 22.
#23 is the winner here. Turn it in after he passes. Yes, I'd rather now. But if she won't turn dad in, better do it after death than not at all. It's amazing what they can trace from images. Turn it in.
Apr 7, 2013 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
I'm guessing those who think it's a stupid decision for a 22 yr old to have sex with a man in his 40s haven't had the pleasure of putting up with average 20 something het male sex.

Also: neither all commentors nor writers are American. I do not envision the car as some uber safe transport, especially as 2 immediately family members died in one. Even so looking at stats for motorcycles compared to cars... please. Stop trying to call bikes safe. Fun? Sure. Your choice? Sure. Safe? Bitch please. Just stop.

I'm another one at a university that has the same prohibitions (or lack thereof) mentioned in 22. My husband teaches in a department where I take courses. No one cares. I don't take his classes. I know a couple of people who have taken courses from the partners. No one cares. Someone else just grades it. It's not a big deal. In fact this thing about promoting someone's work for her boobs? Yeah ironically it just doesn't happen here. It just doesn't. You don't have to promote her work for her boobs, because there's no crime in fucking her to begin with.

Finally, it's gross to presume an entitlement to sex. If you're not the kind of person I want to have sex with, including but not limited to armed forces members, republicans, vegans, BDSM enthusiasts, smokers, cheap scroogey fuckers, fat people.... Well, exhibiting any of those behaviours is not going to make my panties wet and I'm not going to want to have sex with you. It's not "abusive" or "manipulation". It's simple cause and effect. If you want to turn me on, be clean and hygenic, dress well, smile a lot, be kind to kids and small animals, have a wicked sense of humour. If you want to turn me off, join the army, vote for Harper, gain 50lbs, start smoking. I'm unlikely to want to fuck if you do these things. I may get desperate and change my mind but in general I'd much rather fuck someone not doing those things, and I'll be thinking of it as desperation sex rather than actual satisfaction.
Mar 6, 2013 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
I don't get the locked up cock fetish at all. To me it's like forcing a flower to grow in a tiny test tube. Sad.
Dec 19, 2012 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
NOPE if you're reading one thing I want to point out is your fantasies do NOT mean you want these things in real life! I have fantasized about some jacked up stuff. Incest, creepy coercive gang bangs, sex in public places (I don't mean like in a secluded park, I mean like in a plane seat, making others around us uncomfortable). I used to be really grossed out by this and finally realized that um no I don't ACTUALLY want to bang various relatives. I just like the concept and the power dynamics and the ick factor *while fantasizing*. I mean I even fantasized about banging my sister. I DON'T HAVE A SISTER! And in real life I was grossed out by the idea of banging my dad, never found him remotely attractive in THAT way. Then I realized in my fantasies, it wasn't HIM. It was *A* dad. I'm not even sure the me was really me. I mean I've fantasized I was a guy before. It's like a running porno movie in my head and I'm the director! :-D

And even if you ARE imagining your actual parents, etc, the reason you're feeling ooked out is because you don't actually want to do this in real life. You see them in person and think OMG! NO! YUCK! So don't be too hard on yourself.

That said, it can also be disturbing and gross and I totally get wanting to change your thought patterns there. It's really not too unlike Dan's thing where he tells guys to not wank off too much in one position or with the same kind of stroke lest they get too accomodated to it that way and can't others. It took me a bit to wean myself off the more extreme stuff, several months, years in some cases, but I got there eventually and I am REALLY happy I did it. Other fantasies I decided to just get over it and some of those eventually went away as I became bored with them. For the incest ones, it wasn't too hard... I substituted someone who was NOT a relative but a similar dynamic (say a family friend or something). I felt a lot better once I stopped thinking about stuff I found repulsive. Hugs to you, I completely get it. Make sure you find a sex positive therapist, and one who won't think you ACTUALLY want to fuck little kids/your parents or who won't shame you and although you might not consider it this way but one who won't go on and on and on about your family of origin and how you were clearly so horribly, terribly, brutally hurt and now you're so very, horribly, terribly broken. You're not a charity case, you lived through something awful, you're a damn fighter, you just need to learn new ways of thinking not to have some break down where you admit you're destroyed and incredibly messed up and unfixable. That kind of therapy doesn't help very many people and usually just makes them feel more miserable and depressed!
Dec 5, 2012 wendykh commented on Savage Love.
Oh god not this shit again. I was looking forward to a new column. I once believed I was "oriented" poly too. Until I found someone who actually loved me and fucked me properly. Yeah I thought I had before as well. Did I change or did my circumstances? I don't know. Who cares? IME tho this poly orientation bullshit seems to be the way people (usually men) use to justify philandery to their spouse. How come it's considered gauche for a bisexual to say "I need to have sex with men AND women" and not commit to monogamy, but it's totally down for polys to not be able to commit? Double standard or what? I suppose maybe I'm still poly because I refuse to commit to not sleeping with other women, but I'm perfectly fine only being with one guy (ironically the husband does not think the gender matters, to me it's ENTIRELY different...and this is hy I just don't fit in with most bi folks).