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Oct 19, 2016 lizvocal commented on Savage Love.
Underlying "rape culture" (a term I don't like, but it fits here) is the assumption that women's bodies are public property. Total strangers think it is ok to put their hands on a pregnant woman's belly, to comment on a little girl's looks, or to tell grown women to smile. Most of this isn't explicitly sexual, but communicates the assumption that women and girls out in the world are there for public consumption, not for their own agendas. That's why it feels bad to the subject, even when the intentions are benign. SJW might call these "microagressions" but I think we need a bigger conversation of the assumptions underlying the behaviors, not more perpetuation of the feeling of victimization.
Aug 29, 2016 lizvocal commented on Anthony Weiner Caught Doing What Weiner Does.
I am old enough that I have never suffered a barrage of unwanted dick pics online. (This is not a complaint.) But if I ever did, I would put them up online on a website titled, and encourage others to send in their unwanted dick pics. I am told that this would violate the copyright of the dick sender. But I think a different argument could be made, assuming the pics were "junk only" and not identifiable.

The pics were sent to me without my consent and without my explicit promise of confidentiality. They are a digital, easily reproducible media. The sender should assume that once such pics leave his possession, they will be shared with the world, just as he did when he sent it to me. By sending them to an unknown, non-consenting person, he forfeits whatever copyright he might have enforced.

Or as Miss Manners says when people complain that a friend shared their secret with others, who shared your secret first?

Aug 25, 2016 lizvocal commented on SL Letter of the Day: Natural Vs. Unnatural Threesomes.
I signed in just to say, yes, spontaneous threesomes happen, even unto middle age. But in my case, it was a rando guy and a dear friend who needed to get laid. I was happy to help out. Hint: after college, science fiction conventions are a great place for naughty shenanigans.
Jun 6, 2016 lizvocal commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Little Big Man.
I fucked a guy who had this same insecurity. Even though he had a girlfriend, plus me, my girlfriend and another girl on the side, he was still convinced his dick was substandard. Too many years of porn convinced him that 6 or 7 inches was still on the small side. So sad. Porn is not the real world, people!
Mar 29, 2016 lizvocal commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Terminator.
Thanks goodness we all eventually get old, get hemorrhoids, and anal goes off the table for good.
Nov 4, 2015 lizvocal commented on Savage Love.
I had a friend, who after years of enthusiastic sex and multiple orgasms, suddenly couldn't come anymore. When her regular doctor told her to get used to it, I staged a major intervention. She was so discouraged. But I badgered her relentlessly until she went to Mayo Clinic. Turned out it was a perfectly treatable problem that needed some physical therapy for her pelvic floor muscles. She is back to happy and enthusiastic sex. The medical profession needs a kick on its collective ass for how they treat women, especially older women.
Jul 28, 2015 lizvocal commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: No Way Out.
In your fifties is no time to give up on life and love. Every minute you spend being miserable is another minute you cannot recover. You only get one precious life, don't allow anyone to waste your time. Fifty should be your most dangerous time: old enough to know what you want, and young enough to have the energy to get it.
Jan 22, 2014 lizvocal commented on Savage Love.
I had a 45 yo friend who suddenly started having trouble reaching orgasm. Her (female!) gyno thought maybe that was just age and she should accept it. Balderdash. I talked her around for about a week and finally she went to the Mayo clinic for a full work up - they have very comprehensive services, BTW. It turned out to be a treatable nerve problem, and not a permanent state at all. Never let anyone tell you your sex life is over! You are worth an answer!
Oct 8, 2013 lizvocal commented on Swank Congressional Gyms Are More "Essential" Than Park Rangers and Programs for Poor Kids.
Moms with kids shut out of Head Start should drop them off at the House gym. That would be a great protest!
Apr 24, 2013 lizvocal commented on SL Letter of the Day: Mate Or Mat?.
I have read letters like this first LW for years in Savage Love, and I wonder why no one ever suggests that the spouse with no sex drive might have been sexually abused as a child.

Child sexual abuse is almost never reported and even less frequently prosecuted (don't believe me, ask your local Children's Advocacy Center). There are appallingly high numbers of cases that never get reported. The creation of sex offender registries has caused a drop in reporting from within families. It's just one more thing to hold over a victim's head, "you don't want to see Daddy on the registry, do you?"

I wonder why no one ever brings it up when talking about adults who are so fucked up about sex? Talking dirty to strangers, but can't open her eyes to look at her husband during sex? That screams survivor of abuse to me.

I wish Dan would bring on one of his guest experts to talk about the adult survivors of child sex abuse.