Not enough like Twitter.

Jan 4 Forlorn commented on Savage Love.
Cytomegalovirus isn't mono. That's a different bug, the Epstein-Barr virus.

CMV is not generally dangerous to people with functioning immune systems and people who are not fetuses.
Dec 1, 2012 Forlorn commented on I, Anonymous.
LMAO @anyone insisting all serious domestic abuse calls are prosecuted. Anywhere on earth.
Dec 1, 2012 Forlorn commented on Savage Love.
Not *all* people are naturally non-monogamous. I don't disagree that probably most people are, but there are some of us who are monogamous and are simply intrinsically that way.
I would just wish that people who I respect, like you, Dan, would stop acting like the way I am is less natural. It's just different.
Nov 17, 2012 Forlorn commented on I, Anonymous.
He doesn't stop for crossing guards with flags? He's a menace that needs to learn to use a bus.
Nov 10, 2011 Forlorn commented on I, Anonymous.
Argh, and one more thing. All you can really do until she realizes she IS powerful and she IS worthy of safety and she IS brave and then she can leave is decide for yourself how much of watching this you can handle without causing irreparable damage to yourself.

It doesn't make the friends of someone being battered evil to have to withdraw to preserve themselves. It is my hope, only, that it be a choice you make, and not one the abuser makes for you by turning your actions against his victim.
Nov 10, 2011 Forlorn commented on I, Anonymous.
Notgettingit, this woman is not responsible for her friends' violence (or her boyfriend's). You're definitely not getting it.

Batterers perform a sort of debilitating brainwashing. By now she could easily believe all the violence is her fault and she needs to make everything the way it should be so he doesn't *have* to hit her. Or she could just be terrified - the most dangerous time in a battering relationship is when the victim is trying to leave.

The reasons why she doesn't just leave are complex and sometimes a sign of how much her own psyche has been twisted against her and sometimes a sign of a very realistic fear, and often a bit of both.

Some abusers may respond well to have their ass kicked by someone who cares about their victim; many more will use it. If anyone said anything bad about my ex's treatment of me, he used that to "prove" that person hated him and didn't really love me and wanted just to break us up because *they* wanted to control me or they were prejudiced. He used the very real fears and concerns and anger of my family and friends to isolate me further and further and keep me from anyone who could help or protect me.

It helped him that I had been abused as a child - but that's not true for all battered women. All I can really say is that battering and constant fear and blaming oneself changes the mind completely in destructive, terrible ways, and it's all done very purposely.

So notgettingit, fuck off blaming the victim for the actions of her friends or her abuser. And Anon, as much as your anger is righteous and justified, keep in mind a couple things:
If you go to jail, you can't protect her when she finds the power to leave.
You can't change the crazy going on for her.
Don't help him isolate her from those she can depend on when the time comes to flee.
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Oct 13, 2011 Forlorn commented on I, Anonymous.
His behavior is abhorrent and creepy. Art models are providing something valuable, and he is being grossly disrespectful of that, and does not deserve one second more of any of their time.

"typical puerile dude with raging hormones" theory aside, most people are respectful enough of people offering them a valuable, non-sexual favor not to act like snickering douchebags.
Aug 23, 2011 Forlorn commented on Savage Love.
It boggles my mind that PORTLAND even thought of selling his son's underthings. That's insane. You want to make money pandering your child to pedophiles?
WHAT in HELL.
There is something seriously wrong with a parenting thought process that could even spawn that thought.
I can't even fathom it. Dan was much kinder to PORTLAND than I could be. I wanna just give him a sound smack on the back of his head and say loudly and sternly "NO, NO, NO, YOU MORON."

It's your job to protect this kid, PORTLAND, not pimp him out, even if you feel you're doing so in an abstract way, you're still trying to sexually sell your child.

I hope you will one day be as disgusted with yourself as I am with you right now. That you even discussed this with him was seriously inappropriate. Consider family counseling, because your dynamics are fucked up.
Jul 20, 2011 Forlorn commented on Savage Love.
#39... I <3 you, you are awesome.

I'm not an ejaculator, though I make puddles. I have a sensory disorder and the plus side is I am very, very sexually sensitive. I come a lot. I've come from having my elbows rubbed and no other contact.

We are all a little different from everyone else. Female ejaculation is just one of those differences. It's not a "trick" someone can learn - it's like curling your tongue. You can, or you can't, and neither is bad.
Mar 23, 2011 Forlorn commented on Savage Love.
I'm not going to get in to trying to "fix" DRY's libido so that it better suits people other than her, but I will also speak up as someone who dearly loves and is wildly attracted to a partner that has, for some time, been experiencing very low interest in sex.

It is crushing. It is spirit-destroying. No matter how often I try to remind myself that there's a lot of things it can be, it still just feels like me. Like I'm not attractive. Like he loves me, but I may as well be a close, cuddly friend.

It feels like something that felt like part of being alive, something vibrant, some intrinsic, life-affirming, joyous part of me is being painfully starved to death.

There has been more than one night in which I have been awake long into the night, just weeping in pain.

I'm naturally monogamous. I'm not interested in sleeping with anyone else. But if I'd known way back before we became this couple that this was coming, I can guarantee you it would have caused me to seriously reconsider the relationship, because sex does matter, but more importantly, knowing your sexual self is loved by your partner, that your needs are important to your partner, that your partner finds you as sexually attractive as you find them is crucial.

I'm not going to fuss too much. My partner has a mixture of illnesses going on and is depressed, and I have all sorts of hope things will get better for us. When he's well, if it remains like this, we're going to have a huge problem.

But it is absolutely devastating to the self-esteem and emotional equilibrium to be in this place, and DRY, if you love this man (heck, even if you don't and you have one shred of honor), you make sure he understands exactly what your outlook on sex is and how your libido works. He's not a Ken Doll there to make your Barbie life complete, he's a human, sexual being.
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