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Sep 26, 2012 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
@6: It's been my experience that the worst lovers are selfish lovers. It's also been my experience that a straight guy who doesn't get feminism is permanently arrested in a very adolescent and selfish view of the world and people. Just sayin'.
May 16, 2012 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
Dan's reply to SPANK the wanker was really confusing. But yeah, having sex with yourself or anyone else in a remotely public place, even a toilet, is making yourself vulnerable. I wonder whether the peeper was someone who's noticed SPANK's pattern of using the lonely men's room and hoped to get in on the action?

And maybe there are hidden security cameras? I mean, no one wants to believe it, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that security could spy on the activities in a bathroom stall.
Jul 19, 2011 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
I still don't believe it. That it's not piss. Just don't. Even a "crack" team (haha) in Vienna doesn't convince me. Why Vienna? No researchers anywhere else? I think it's yet another Porn Myth that makes a bazillion dollars for a few sleazy dudes while simultaneously giving poor old regular women another hoop to jump through. It's not enough to look like a porn star, even down to having plastic surgery on your hoohah, and having to fake an interest in other women when you don't feel it. The world would be a happier place if guys didn't learn about sex with women from porn.
Feb 12, 2011 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
"Cunty"? For real? For shame.
Jan 18, 2011 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
CAR and her BF sound like real-life vampires and I don't mean that in a good way. I think they're much lower than SUPER's (hopefully) ex. She sounds like just an insensitive snot and there's always hope that she learned her lesson. But CAR and BF just keep using people and thinking they're awesome for doing it. Yig.

and I vote for "sement"! The infamous names of Palin, Boner, Beck, Limbo et all really deserve something a lot worse. It almost has to involve diarrhea, pus, vomit, or rotted animal carcasses, or all four.
Dec 8, 2010 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
When I can get the image of a flabby funky White Supremacist holding his enormous butt cheeks open while flakes fall out of his hair like snow on the Himalayas out of my mind, maybe I'll be able to have sex again. Some day.
Nov 19, 2010 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
When tempted to cheat (i.e., lie to someone you're in a relationship with), first try to fix the relationship by being honest and kind about what you're not getting. "I wanna stay with you but the the lack of sex / interesting sex is a dealbreaker for me." Be honest about what you want and how hard you're willing to work with your partner to get it. After you've given it your best and it still won't work, then break up with kindness and dignity, and look for someone you're compatible with.

To stay and live a lie is cowardly, lazy, immature and selfish. It's probably not something you'd be thrilled with if someone else did it to you. You're just trying to avoid facing reality, or trying to stay comfortable, at someone else's expense. It sucks and is shameful. It's a hideous thing to model for children (and yeah, on some level they know a lie is being lived and they suffer).
Nov 10, 2010 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
37 NALT: Here's what you do: you open a mouth. In YOUR church. You say, a la Anne Rice, that YOU are a Christian who is TIRED of evil, stupid people claiming that Christianity is about hatred. You organize. You publicly and energetically support pro-human rights candidates. You hold meetings and you stage protests and you write letters. You meet with your pastor or the head of the congregation as many times as necessary. You REFUSE to belong to a church or be counted as part of a group that promotes hatred or intolerance.

What you DON'T do is lay down like a whipped dog and say there's nothing you can do about evil in the Christian churches, except make little mewing apologies and wimpy disclaimers when another child kills himself.
Nov 4, 2010 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
Apollo - people dare suggest breaking up over a fundamental incompatibility because it's usually the most humane and rational and loving (ultimately) thing to do. Granted you and your wife went into marriage from the worst environment to prepare you for it, but imagine if as soon as you were aware of sexual incompatibility, you set out to either remedy it or end the relationship. So you would have either fixed it, or been free to find more truly compatible partners. That would have made one hell of a lot more sense than ongoing suppression, guilt, and deceit.

You say it worked out wonderfully for you, then great. But suggesting it as somehow just what people do, as if there really is no alternative? Nuh-uh.

And I agree that all three in Poly Heaven sound enough like their relationship is a reaction to their weird upbringings for NITTWIT to not be so worried about informing their childhood abusers or how they'd take it.
Jul 28, 2010 Belleweather commented on Savage Love.
I always enjoy reading the Don but I do get a bit tired of "Please let me usher you out of the cage of old definitions of normativity into the cage of new definitions of normativity. As you transit, please be sure to enjoy your five seconds of actual freedom to be yourself."

Stop with the generalizations and pronunciations of what's 'normal', FTLOG. Anyone of any gender can like or not like porn. Or monogamy. Or anything else. And open marriages can work (only ever seen it not working myself, but remain willing to take it on theory) but they tend to come with more baggage than a Samsonite factory and more drama than Italian opera.