commented on Police Reports Illustrated: Man Walks Into a Capitol Hill Gay Bar
@4, who knows, maybe he felt it would be a more social event rather than prospective dating. Regardless, the friend was BS by implicating that not enjoying being hit on by gay men makes you homophobic. As for the guy saying "yeah, kinda," let me know how often you are able to produce a Shakespearean response on short notice when stressed out, let alone go into greater detail like "I don't dislike gay people, I just have no attraction to them and getting hit on by all those guys was uncomfortable."
commented on Savage Love
@YIGI, comment #8 covers a lot of great info. One other thing I would like to add is that while the notion of what type of sex is "normal" has been expanding greatly, from merely PIV to oral, anal, mutual masturbation, and now growing acceptance of toys, kink, fantasy and roleplay, our mindset of what it takes for someone to orgasm is still stuck roughly where it was when sex was only thought of as PIV.
Differences in what it takes for people to orgasm are still treated as abnormal. With women the notion that a woman who can cum from PIV, a woman who needs to use her fingers to get herself off, and a woman who needs a hitachi magic wand vibrating at full speed for 20 minutes are all NORMAL, that variance is the norm, is just starting to creep into people's consciousness. Even then discussions are still wrapped around the notion that it is just a matter of finding the right spots to make a woman cum, the possibility that even after finding the right spots the amount of stimulation needed to achieve orgasm can vary wildly from woman to woman is barely discussed.
Now, as a nod to your frustration about men not being able to win, it is worth pointing out that while discussion about differences in what makes women orgasm is woefully inadequate, there is precisely ZERO discussion about differences in what men need to orgasm. But that is partly because most men know how to get themselves off at least through masturbation (many women enter partnered sex not knowing how to bring themselves off). That said, the notion that the stimulation men need to orgasm also exists on a spectrum is rarely discussed. Even to the extent it comes up it is pathologized where if a man needs relatively little stimulation to orgasm he is faulted for premature ejaculation, and if a man needs a $#!T ton of stimulation to maintain an erection (more than a mouth or pussy can provide) he is faulted as being impotent.
The solution? Incorporate discussions about what you and your partners can do to bring each other off without judgement of "wow, you need a lot" or "wow, you orgasm too quickly" then work to find habits that work for both of you. Also treat orgasms that come from sex other that PIV as valuable as equally valuable. Lastly, don't obsess about all sexual activity needing to be equally pleasurable or orgasm delivering for both partners at the same time. Have some time where everything is focused on what is pleasurable to her, then some time where everything is focused on what is pleasurable to you.
commented on Update on Friday Night's Shooting at the UW Milo Yiannopoulos Demonstration
I think I remember reading on the SLOG a useful example of how to appropriately evaluate hate speech vs. censorship of ideas.
A book store had placed Mein Kampf prominently on the displays greeting customers when they came through the door. When asked, the staff explained that it was to demonstrate that the book store would not censor books or shy away from controversial subjects. However, the customer(?) pointed out that given the toxic history of Mein Kampf, having it placed so prominently would not be seen as a statement about censorship, but an endorsement or promotion of antisemitism. The staff thought it over, agreed, and moved the book to less visible part of the store.
Milo Yiannopoulos does not express controversial views, he expresses hate speech and denigrates minorities. Allowing him to speak on campus at an official school event should not be thought of as having a conservative columnist like George Will speak, it should be thought of as comparable to having David Duke of the KKK speak on campus.
commented on Savage Love
While I don't know much about (safe) actualization of a suicide fetish, you didn't make a mention of any porn or erotic material as an outlet. On the off chance you haven't already investigated it, there is a sub-genre of Hentai (Japanese erotic comic books) focused on characters happily committing suicide for their own erotic thrill. Since it is a niche genre you might have to find raw (untranslated) manga online, then pay someone $1 a page to translate it - or make good use of google translate and do the scanlation yourself.
Beyond that there are plenty of suicide themed snuff pornos, erotic stories, and other fantasy material catering to people like you.
Nov 30, 2016
commented on Savage Love
GDH, apparently Dan is being a dick this week and just being flippant, so here are the bullet points of what he should have said (as taken from his podcast and other columns)
*Sex toys are awesome and you and your girlfriend should do some exploration
*If a contractor builds a house with a nail gun instead of a hammer we don't say "well he used a power tool so it doesn't count." The same goes for orgasms produced by sex toys
*You will have options to acquire them at your comfort level. If you and your girlfriend are comfortable going to a sex shop then make an event from it. If you want online discretion, babeland.com
is great. If obviously phallic objects are unnerving for you, consider the Magic Wand "massage" tool which you can purchase on sex toy sites or even Amazon (note: this is considered the Cadillac of vibrators for women and my gf loves it when I use it on her).
Nov 28, 2016
commented on Trump Is Also One of The Losers Benefitting from Fake News
A major frustration I have is with people creating a false equivalency, claiming liberals and conservatives live in their own equally invalid bubbles. Horse puckey. This is not liberals reading the New York Times and conservatives reading the Wall Street Journal, this is liberals reading the New York Times and conservatives reading Breitbart. The former is one of the best and most reliable sources of information in the world, the latter is white nationalist publication (though that barely scratches the surface of their prejudices). You don't acquiesce to bigotry, you fight it.