S-Lo
Chicago
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Jan 2, 2013 S-Lo commented on Fireworks At The Needle, And How Should I Quit Smoking (Again)?.
I've never actually been a smoker that needed to quit, but I read a study that people who are most successful in the long run are the ones that view themselves as nonsmokers from the time they quit. Those that still call themselves smokers-who-are-trying-to-quit are more likely to fail. That doesn't help with the physical effects, I know, but the mental component is a big part of it, too. Hope it helps- good luck!
Oct 30, 2012 S-Lo commented on Ear Candling: "The Work of the Devil".
Ear candling is a little odd because of the open flame thing, but I got over that and love it. The best/ grossest part is unraveling the candle and seeing all the earwax that got pulled out. And, yes, it is earwax, not just wax from the candle itself. The difference is obvious.
Aug 16, 2012 S-Lo commented on Rand Paul Thinks Obama Is Arming Weathermen to Take Away Your Freedom.
@3- and that's why I love Sloggers.
Aug 16, 2012 S-Lo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Maybe More Vanilla Than I Thought.
LW- For 5 years you've been deferring to his sexual wants/needs and shelving your own. Seriously? You stopped asking for sex because he was always shooting you down? Once or twice a month?

You need to be more assertive. Either he's a selfish asshole, or he only acts like a selfish asshole because you let him. Figure out which one it is and act accordingly, but don't allow yourself to continue being this passive or him to continue being this selfish.
Jun 26, 2012 S-Lo commented on Feeling Less Safe in Seattle? Consider: Chicago's Homicide Rate Is Up 38 Percent This Year.
It feels like a beautiful not-humid summer day in Chicago. The people that are most freaked out are the ones coming in from the outside. It's terrible, but there are lots of correlating circumstances (like the population not being hunkered down by a normal winter) that are at play. But it doesn't "feel" like a terrible, scary time to be in Chicago. You make it sound like Hogsmeade when the Dementors were patrolling. :-)
Apr 3, 2012 S-Lo commented on Important Ani DiFranco Poll.
Legit. To be an indie label musician AND a woman and created success and a faithful following as she has? Credit where credit is due, even if her music isn't your thing.

I love her early stuff- 90's- but the more recent stuff doesn't resonate with me as much and even sounds a little too consistent. But Little Plastic Castle is a favorite as an album. Living in Clip is a great variety of solid songs from early albums, plus has some versions with orchestra that are unbelievable- her cover of Amazing Grace and the orchestra behind Both Hands are amazing on that album.
Mar 13, 2012 S-Lo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Permission Slippage.
@113- Totally get that. I'm working through/around these feelings as I go through this and I'm a big fan of logic.

The feelings do "just happen" sometimes, the thoughts pop into my head and I wonder where the hell they came from since they're not something I consciously think or believe. I notice, acknowledge, and consider it, but that's a far cry from embracing it and allowing it to control me. (Otherwise I wouldn't be involving myself with the open guy at all at this point.) Often that helps me figure out the root of it, dig it up and toss it out.
Mar 13, 2012 S-Lo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Permission Slippage.
@102: As I said: "It's not necessarily good logic, but we're talking about feelings, insecurities, etc." With cheating- if you're cheating, the presumption would be that you have to hide, sneak around, etc., which would -theoretically- limit the possibilities. If you're in an open relationship, all you have to say is "honey, if we don't have plans, I want to make a date" and then choose from however many playmates you have.

From a purely logical perspective, I get that a person could be emotionally available to an infinite number of people. They could be sexually attracted to an infinite number of people. Etc. Cheaters could be really good at cheating and have just as many playmates/ options. Logically. But as I'm newly wading into this arena, I'm just noting the thoughts, feelings and roadblocks in my head and tossing them out there as possibilities for what may have happened with others.

Also, of course a friend/lover would be a loss. I was thinking more of the online connections that hadn't met yet, which is how I interpreted AJ's scenario- chat, interested, they find out he's not cheating, done. Not interested. Before the friend/lover/emotional investment bit.
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Mar 13, 2012 S-Lo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Permission Slippage.
@99- it is weird. Maybe part of it is knowing that you have other options, too. The passion is perceived as diluted because you've got a wife, other play partners, etc. If you can't have a specific person, it's no loss to you, you'll still be getting laid with multiple people regularly while an other not in a relationship (or not in an open one) doesn't have that luxury. It's not necessarily good logic, but we're talking about feelings, insecurities, etc. These are the things rolling about in my head as I navigate these new waters, and I imagine some other women might be the same, though certainly not all.

Of course, I would never respond to an online cheater, the cheating was with friends during particularly wretched dry spells- a necessary evil, as it were.
Mar 13, 2012 S-Lo commented on SL Letter of the Day: Permission Slippage.
@66- secretagent- I cannot fathom cheating with a guy whose wife is my friend. (One wife was nasty to me years before anything happened between us- I think she knows her husband's proclivities & tastes, the other wife I've never met in over a dozen years of professional and/or social gatherings.) So, from a cheating/fling perspective, the wife can't be a friend. The one whose wife I know- I would NOT want to be with if he were single; the other I could see myself with "but for..."

From the open perspective, I'm not sure yet. He's all set for us to meet, playing with them could be an option, he thinks we'd make great friends. Still trying to wrap my head around it- I have a hard time understanding being as secure in a relationship as they are, given my own experiences. I'm not sure how I'll feel about meeting and/or being friends with his wife.

I think the reason I responded to him versus other guys in open relationships because he stated a clear FWB goal that I share: it includes being friends: socializing, good conversation, etc., not just sex. Single guys that I've tried to negotiate a FWB with have generally interpreted it as "I can ignore her call, but she should be ready to go whenever I want." No.

@84- Chase- It's possible, but I don't consciously think they prefer me to their wives. After all, I know that they are staying with their wives, not coming to me. It's been years since the actual flings happened, so clearly I'm not high on the priority list (nor should I be).

I think part of the emotional fulfillment is being made #1 by someone who genuinely cares for me, even if it's for an evening. With the open guy, for example, one of their rules is no actual sleeping together- sleepovers OK, but separate beds required. That draws a clear (understandable) line about who is #1 at all times. I respect that, but it's my problem with FWB- I can get orgasms from a vibe. (Though those have gotten quite old, too.) I can't get cuddling and waking up wrapped in someone's arms- which are things that the men I've met seem to be terrified will turn me to boiling bunnies, even if they're not someone I actually want to date.
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