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May 17 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love.
Can't imagine too many men would line up to get a giant needle in the dick no matter how awesome the resulting boner might be.
May 16 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Dating While Ace.
@43 - Thank you. As I mentioned, this is a sensitive subject for me because of what my friend is currently going through. And yes, ignorance is a factor, and that's understandable, but it is possible to ask inoffensive questions, and that usually begins with 'Is this okay?' Thank you again for being so reasonable! :-)
May 16 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants to Flash You Without Being Creepy About It.
@47 - It depends on the theme of the night, sometimes. I attended a 'Me, Myself & I' party that was more or less people flashing themselves and others wanking to it. Touching was permitted, but only if all parties consented, and it never really devolved into full-on sex. Mostly a lot of eyeballing each other and jerking off. As you might imagine, the majority of the audience was male-bodied. Quite a thrill to be ogled in a safe space.
May 15 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love.
@144 Who's the bully again? The one who insists that an individual's personal identity doesn't matter because of how other people perceive them, or the one who is trying to point out that argument is a bunch of bullshit? I know who I'm putting my money on.
May 15 sanguisuga commented on Guest Editorial: A Letter to Upstream Organizers Regarding That Stupid Bag Policy.
I didn't attend any of these shows, but I just have to say that as a diabetic, if anyone tries to take my kit (meter, strips, insulin, pen needles, glucose tabs) away from me or insist that I buy a locker and not have my medical supplies on hand in case of an emergency, they would be sued within an inch of their gd lives.
May 15 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Dating While Ace.
I think that perhaps I am a bit defensive because so often the questions *are* aggressive, or challenging. "How do you know if you haven't tried?" See @5 for a perfect example of that. And then there's @14 who throws in the "Have you considered therapy?" as if something is fundamentally wrong and/or broken with the person. Sure, people are curious and maybe a little unaware of different sexual identities, but it makes a difference if you preface it that way, and ask if the person can explain it more fully, or if it's okay to ask questions. Instead they just barge in with the expectation that someone will unpack their most personal thoughts just because they want to hear about their weird 'kinks'.

I have a close friend who is struggling with their gender identity as well as realising that they are asexual. They've had sex, usually because it was expected or because they thought that it was necessary to keep certain people in their life. But of course they never really liked it, and now has difficulty being in an intimate/romantic relationship because they can't trust that the other person is with them just to be *with them* and not because of the prospect of sex. And as in @37's example, any time they try to explain this to their family and/or old friends, they push back with "No, I know you and that's not you". I mean... It flabbergasts me that once you're in that little box in someone's head, you've just gotta stay there to keep them happy. Why can't people just accept other people for who or what they are?
May 14 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Dating While Ace.
I guess I'm just a different breed, then. I take the things that people tell me about themselves at face value. "I don't like melted cheese," doesn't result in a quiz. It results in "Oh, so pizza is out - let's go for pho instead." If someone comes out to me as asexual, I accept that. I don't tell them that they're weird, or that they're broken, or that they must have some sexual trauma in their past or anything like that. The only question I might ask, and only if I'm romantically involved with that person is "Is cuddling okay?"
May 12 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Dating While Ace.
@35 - This. So much of our society revolves around sex. There are images and expectations plastered everywhere - you can't escape it. And for someone who has no interest in sex or is actively sex-repulsed , that's a hell of a thing to have shoved in your face day after day. By identifying as asexual, they can find a community of like-minded individuals and not have to deal with that nonsense. Hang out and chat, maybe even go bowling, ffs. The thing I don't understand is why people feel compelled to challenge anyone on their own sexuality. Unless someone close to you (general you, of course) comes out as ace and you want to support them, you don't need to understand it. You just need to listen, and yes - accept people for who they are.
May 10 sanguisuga commented on Savage Love.
@46 - I had a sometime partner with a malfunctioning penis (botched circumcision), and he had a strap-on sheath that we tried a couple of times. It didn't work for me primarily because he had gone for a rather substantial piece of equipment, and it kept knocking my damn cervix. Some gals are into that - I am not. Had we continued on in our relationship, I would have wanted to pick something out for myself, or perhaps we would have gone shopping together. I think it could work, if she has an open mind. But for some women, toys are just a poor substitute.