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Nov 30, 2011 amazonvera commented on HA HA HA HA HA HA—Cut It Out! You're Killing Me!.
@38, it's really more like if it was illegal for you to chew on quarter teaspoon of malted grain, chase it with a quarter teaspoons of barley, and then drive.
Nov 29, 2011 amazonvera commented on HA HA HA HA HA HA—Cut It Out! You're Killing Me!.
It's funny how even after all these years, a Republican busted like this needs to include a caveat in their statement about people who are sexually inappropriate in a professional setting to make sure they're not giving Clinton an out.
Nov 29, 2011 amazonvera commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven.
@103, it's really not just a problem with the authorities, although I think that since the problem with the authorities is the reality and shows little sign of significant change in the near future, it's a little silly to imagine that it can somehow be separated from "the idea" in any real sense.

The problem with the idea, though, is that it takes women who have had their right to make their own basic decisions taken away from them in one of the most traumatic ways possible and makes that event just the beginning of them not being free to make the choices that seem best to them (and the outcomes of which only they will have to experience) while sending them a false message that they, the victim, are responsible in some way for rape or rape culture. That, the "idea", is extremely harmful to both individual victims and general victims, as many of the aforementioned people and groups have spelled out. It's not cool, and well-meaning people who proceed that way have got to stop.
Nov 29, 2011 amazonvera commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven.
@97, yes, just imagine "allowing" women who've had their right to autonomy and personal control violently ripped away from them to make their own decisions about how to proceed from there. The very idea.
Nov 29, 2011 amazonvera commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven.
@90, many advocacy centers and specialists for raped women and/or rape prevention and justice have talked and written extensively about why pressuring or obligating rape victims to report their assault to the police is a well-meant but terrible idea that is harmful to victims, their recovery, and the willingness of future victims to get help. Throwing in some kind of false idea of responsibility for future victims is also a really harmful tactic.
Nov 28, 2011 amazonvera commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven.
@58, I've made no mention of either party's gender playing into this event and I don't see either gender holding a particular monopoly on either accurate or asinine statements about rape, so I don't know why you think some idea of polarized gender has anything to do with my comment.

I have no problem with partners of victims feeling traumatized (another issue that doesn't have anything to do with my comment), and I've already said that his feelings of "disgust," as he puts it, toward his girlfriend because of her "being violated" may be totally normal. But sometimes things that are normal are also pretty messed up and need to be worked on and worked through.
Nov 28, 2011 amazonvera commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven.
@61, if you really think that a rape victim willing to disclose the incident to a boyfriend has no reason to "be afraid of telling this story to the police if it's anything close to the truth," then I think that you need to take a good look inward when you talk about statements that are "laughably naive, not to mention demonstrably false."
Nov 28, 2011 amazonvera commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Forgiven.
Wow, this comment thread is gross. Maybe she was raped and maybe she wasn't, but trying to play armchair detective by creating imaginary rules about how rape victims do or don't behave or how the choices they made beforehand are part of the problem is the kind of bullshit that creates an environment where rape is common and justice for victims is very much the opposite.

I agree with Dan that SFMiP needs to get to the bottom of what he believes about this incident (while understanding that, statistically, it's far more likely though in no way certain that his gf is telling the truth), but the part where SFMiP writes "or not see a mental image of her losing control and being violated when I look at her" is disturbing, and I think he needs to get to the bottom of that, too. It sounds like his issue isn't that he doesn't believe her but that he does and he doesn't know how to get past feeling repulsed by her as a victim. I won't say that's not one of many normal responses, but it's not cool and it would be a really shitty reason to dump someone.
Nov 25, 2011 amazonvera commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Fabulous Baker Boy.
Those are some fairly gender neutral "ladies" underwear, and the idea that a guy who once in a blue moon finds another dude mildly attractive is automatically not straight is a little silly. On the trying to get his wife into playing with his butt thing, maybe she'd be more into it if he took a clearly dominant role during ass play. It is possible to do that, and it might make her feel a little more secure in the fact that he can still be "manly" while they play with his butt. I agree with the suggestion above to start with something like a buttplug (or maybe an Aneros?) where she can be pretty passive when it comes to penetrating him, or where he can even put it in himself to start.
Nov 16, 2011 amazonvera commented on More Damning Evidence of My Transphobia Emerges.
@ 176 Lol, I'd assume that we all have better things to do with our time than comment on slog, but I'm fine with my cumulative use of far-less-than-hours, though I appreciate your concern. As far as your impression of Dan's actions the only factual error that I see there is that you claim Dan mea culpa'ed for the old transgression of "for lack of a better word." That's not an old transgression, and while he seems open above to looking into the fact that it may have been problematic, there's no mea culpa yet. Other than that, you're entitled to your opinion of his behavior. My point in this thread is and continues to be that the trans people who have some pretty reasonable and relevant issues with Dan on this incident are also entitled to theirs and I see him and a lot of others kind of ignoring and marginalizing their opinions while talking about being trans allies. I think that's a problem. It doesn't mean that I think Dan hates trans people or that I agree with all trans people about this issue (which would be impossible).

@177, Okay. But if the offensive thing I say to my friend is, by it's nature, a bit of a negative reflection on my character, than I don't know how you expect them to air their grievances, whatever the tone, without mentioning that.

@Ankylosaur, no, you and I don't agree and aren't "compatible." You seem to have a habit of badly twisting and ignoring people's words in order to create imaginary common ground, and it's actually really dismissive. If you'd been paying attention to what I'm saying, you'd know that I disagree with not only your perceptions of trans people's issues with Dan on this topic but also pretty much your entire approach to marginalizing language, though I'll admit that only in these last exchanges where you asserted that people being offended by slurs that get directed at their community is just like irrational racial hatred did you really cross into batshit crazy territory for me, so I'm happy to consider our interaction concluded.