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Jun 24 transient commented on Savage Love.
@GETOUT, you seem like you want out (as you should) but feel guilty about it, and you are looking for permission to end it. I believe you get to keep your nice guy card even ending this relationship, because she's unwilling to make a bit of effort toward meeting your needs. That she would expect you to live a celibate life and die a virgin to accommodate her mostly irrational feelings is a testament to her selfishness and a preview of your miserable coupled life together. You already know... the answer is to GET OUT.

@Dan:
#2: Way to go - more encouragement for straight men to be passive aggressive when dealing with women. They are already huge emotional babies that have major communication issues - they don't need a pass to be a douche and "let" her break up with him. Jesus.
#3: Spot on.
Oct 16, 2014 transient commented on Savage Love.
Two brilliant responses. Nice work.
Oct 9, 2013 transient commented on Savage Love.
Hmmm... a bi husband who is "EXTREMELY monogamous"... and that doesn't read to you as gay and closeted, Dan? Seems that if he was truly bi, he'd be eager to get out and play with his wife and another guy. But if he was gay but contentedly married, perhaps he is afraid of opening Pandora's box...
Oct 2, 2013 transient commented on SLLOTD: Fully-Clothed Fantasy.
I'm a straight woman and this would be a huge turn-on for me... I can't imagine I'm the only one...
Aug 20, 2013 transient commented on Savage Love.
DIMI, there are guys coming back from war missing arms, legs and all kinds of body parts. I've seen some of these guys give interviews and they are so driven and motivated to not let these horrible injuries hold them back in life - one guy (I think he lost an arm and a leg) recently got married. Seek out some of these stories and start focusing on the people who say they can, despite their handicaps.
May 23, 2013 transient commented on Savage Love.
TO THE OP OF CLOSURE (even though Dan told you to stay out of the comments):

I'm not saying that this is relevant to your situation, but your story is so much like mine that I wanted to share something with you. When I was 14 I had a boyfriend who similarly (as all horny 14 year olds do) kept trying to take things as far as he could. I wanted to make out, he wanted his hands on my breasts, etc. etc. A few years later I was reflecting back on that first sexual experience with the boy who became my high school boyfriend, and my first love, and the person I lost my virginity to. I was expressing that I had felt violated by that experience, and shared my story - one that sounded about as harmless as your story sounds - and he reacted by telling me I was being ridiculous. It bothered me because I felt like I had a right to be upset, but I just dropped it and didn't talk to him about it again. Fast forward to my early twenties - I'm having all kinds of difficulty coping with change (moving, starting college, breakup with the high school boyfriend). I started seeing a therapist to work through my emotions. It was through this weekly sessions with a wonderful therapist who I trusted that I started to realize I was projecting some sexual abuse I'd experienced in my very early childhood onto this "first" sexual experience with my boyfriend. The emotions - and ickiness, and feelings of violation - were actually not related to this boy. It was easy for me to associate them with him though, because he was the first boy I'd ever fooled around with and been sexual with, and that sexual awakening led me to feeling dirty and wrong and bad. I had repressed some memories that eventually I was able to recognize, and that began my long journey to healing. I wanted to share my story with you in case something resonates. Maybe it's not a bad idea to talk to a therapist about your feelings and figure out where they are coming from. It may not be abuse in your childhood as in my situation, but it seems you are displacing some feelings for some reason or another. 14 year old boys are inexperienced with their dicks, as Dan pointed out, and are completely sex-crazed and hormone riddled. It doesn't sound like there was a willful violation of your person.
More...
May 15, 2013 transient commented on Savage Love.
meh... i suspect your heart wasn't in this one dan.
May 13, 2013 transient commented on SL Letter of the Day: What Kind of Straight Guys Watch Gay Porn?.
Hm. I'm perplexed by this answer. Are men and women that different? I am a straight female and sometimes get off watching lesbian porn. But in real life the thought of being sexual with another woman is a huge turnoff. What it is for me is the taboo aspect of it (even though it's really not taboo anymore). Likewise, sometimes I get off watching porn with very, very old or very, very ugly couples - I don't actually have ANY interest in being with a really, really old or a really, really ugly person in real life. It's the fact that it's strange and not the norm (taboo) that gets me off. Are you saying there are no men like this? How can that be?
May 13, 2013 transient commented on I'm Fine, You Guys, I'm Fine.
Dan, pretty soon you're going to be too young for your own column!
May 1, 2013 transient commented on Savage Love.
"She's not into sensitive, fashionable, and artistic types—she may not be into entitled assholes, either—and it's time to take the hint that she's practically pegging you with."

Oh, Dan. I love you so.
 

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