TMI
- Dicks or Vaginas
- Elliott Bay or Amazon
- Bring It On or Stomp the Yard
- SF or LA
- Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
Dec 25, 2011
Peri commented on SL Letter of the Day: It's Christmastime In the Shitty.
Seriously, ignore the trolls, HISC. You sound like a good guy facing hard times, and I agree with sweettreehhugger that you come off very well in your writing, so a personals ad, an online profile, or even just emailing others to answer their ads/profiles would probably be a great place to start.
As for the woman you're with, I'm also not one for having affairs with married women with small children, especially not when--as others have mentioned--she doesn't prioritise you at all unless she thinks you're about to run. Maybe first adjust your views to the point that she is to you what you are to her: that may make it easier to leave her and look for someone who will actually meet your needs, and whose needs you can meet. Like other posters have said, dating can be a pain, but there are people out there who will appreciate you for who you are, and understand your current situation, and want the same companionship you're searching for.
I wish you luck whatever you do, and hope 2012 brings some improvement in your job situation and happiness to your life.
As for the woman you're with, I'm also not one for having affairs with married women with small children, especially not when--as others have mentioned--she doesn't prioritise you at all unless she thinks you're about to run. Maybe first adjust your views to the point that she is to you what you are to her: that may make it easier to leave her and look for someone who will actually meet your needs, and whose needs you can meet. Like other posters have said, dating can be a pain, but there are people out there who will appreciate you for who you are, and understand your current situation, and want the same companionship you're searching for.
I wish you luck whatever you do, and hope 2012 brings some improvement in your job situation and happiness to your life.
Aug 16, 2011
Peri commented on I, Anonymous.
Right on @ 54, @53, @49, and all the others commenting on context and laughter. Sometimes it will turn out that the other party IS a massive jackass, but try to let it roll off you and remember that it's their problem, not yours, and just go on doing the best you can.
Aug 16, 2011
Peri commented on Meanwhile in Iowa.
@112 and all the others arguing sexism here: because Michelle Bachmann is anti-sex. If this were a politician with absolutely no views on sex or sexuality, this would be a boring photo. If it were of a politician with a sex scandal in their past, it would be funny. Instead, it's of a politician who's terrified of gays and gay sex, of sexuality outside of marriage, of teaching children about sex and sexuality, and about as anti-feminist as you can get. That makes it fucking hilarious. Crying misogyny over this is just crying wolf. You sound ridiculous.
May 20, 2011
Peri commented on Terry Returns to Shadle Park High.
Count me as another (mostly lurker) who's deeply impressed with the idea, scope, and effects of the IGBP; who's incredibly happy for Terry; and whose thoughts and well-wishes go out to you, Kim, and to your family. Take care. x
May 15, 2011
Peri commented on The Single Most Important Political Action a Gay Person Can Take.
'James Bondage, James Bondage: he's got me tied up and held as a hostage...'
Dude, not heard that song in years.
That being said, good for you, Vince. I agree with Dan, but it's easier said than done to come out knowing that your family will most likely reject you or that you'll face discrimination and cruelty. It takes a lot of guts. Kudos to anyone who attempts it.
Dude, not heard that song in years.
That being said, good for you, Vince. I agree with Dan, but it's easier said than done to come out knowing that your family will most likely reject you or that you'll face discrimination and cruelty. It takes a lot of guts. Kudos to anyone who attempts it.
May 11, 2011
Peri commented on SL Letter of the Day: Miserable By Design.
'I think a big reason why Dan comes to this conclusion is that she clearly tells the LW these details. How else would he know that this guy keeps asking her back to his place? Cultural difference or not, she is getting off on making the LW jealous.'
Really, @90? Because I would DEFINITELY tell my boyfriend if one of my friends were like that. It's probably something he'd notice himself if/when he met the guy, and it's something I would definitely feel guilty keeping secret: not telling the bf would feel like concealing it from him, and I'd want him to know that he has nothing to worry about. Yeah, this girl COULD be stringing guys along, but again, details like her telling him this could be to make him aware that SHE'S aware. Wouldn't you worry more about your gf being suckered by a guy who was intent on her when she was unaware of his feelings/intentions and viewed him only as a trusted friend? This could just be the girl saying, 'Yeah, I know he wants to sleep with me, and I wanted to let you know I'm aware of the situation and not going to let anything happen.'
Really, @90? Because I would DEFINITELY tell my boyfriend if one of my friends were like that. It's probably something he'd notice himself if/when he met the guy, and it's something I would definitely feel guilty keeping secret: not telling the bf would feel like concealing it from him, and I'd want him to know that he has nothing to worry about. Yeah, this girl COULD be stringing guys along, but again, details like her telling him this could be to make him aware that SHE'S aware. Wouldn't you worry more about your gf being suckered by a guy who was intent on her when she was unaware of his feelings/intentions and viewed him only as a trusted friend? This could just be the girl saying, 'Yeah, I know he wants to sleep with me, and I wanted to let you know I'm aware of the situation and not going to let anything happen.'
May 10, 2011
Peri commented on SL Letter of the Day: Miserable By Design.
THANK YOU, @77!!!!! Several people on this thread have it right, but @77 is the best take so far. Another Savage Lover in Japan who thinks Dan is underestimating cultural misunderstandings and the need for context here. As @77 pointed out, a lot of what Westerners might construe as 'date-like activity' is perfectly normal here, including a girl and guy going out to eat or out for drinks--and the man paying. (I've had a hell of a time trying to put a stop to that one, and, ironically, the only Japanese guy I've been able to convince NOT to pay at least some of my tab is my boyfriend.) It's hard as a girl over here to find male friends who are 100% uninterested in fucking/dating you, but as long as she's been clear about boundaries with them, I don't see what the LW has to be upset about. He's dating a hot girl who's a great fuck and is desired by everyone--that should be an ego boost for HIM.
Other people have mentioned clarifying exclusivity, and yeah--that's something LW needs to discuss explicitly, and beyond just checking that they're kanojo and kareshi / tsukiatteru / whatever. And yes, there's also the possibility that, no matter what he's said, she's assuming he'll leave at some point, and that she has no intention of a permanent relationship with the LW. That also has repercussions on exclusivity, and, even if they ARE exclusive, his telling her to stop seeing (or change the way she sees) her friends--one of whom she's known for a decade!!--is NOT going to go over well.
Another question I have is, is/was she a hostess, or did she work at night (izakaya, bar, DJ, etc)? Many of my hostess friends see customers from their bar even during off hours: for example, one friend was paid to play golf every Sunday morning with two of her bar's customers. They paid for the golfing, her bar paid her for the time she spent there, everyone knew about the money changing hands, and everyone was fine with it--including her SO. Even if LW's gf is not currently a hostess, most of my friends who have friends that work in bars/snacks/lounges (or have worked in one themselves) are more open about both romantic and non-romantic relationships--another example: kissing (at least among my circle of friends) may also occur and not be considered cheating--and there's a flirty dynamic to a lot of friendships, including same-sex friendships between heterosexual people.
Basically, as several others have said, Japan's social customs and mores regarding dating, friendships, and sexuality vary from person to person, place to place, and generation to generation, but nearly all of them are very, very different from those in the West.
LW's gf's friends want to sleep with her. Great. Is she sleeping with them? It doesn't sound like it. In fact, it sounds like she's being pretty open about said other guys' interest, which I doubt she'd do if she planned to fuck them. And yeah, I guess she could be stringing along a bunch of guys maliciously, buuuuut...even from the LW's account, I kind of doubt it. Best thing he can do is to have an open and honest discussion with her about his feelings, their relationship, and her intentions/expectations. He doesn't sound like a bad guy--just a little jealous--but neither does the girl sound like the manipulative bitch Dan's painting her out to be.
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Other people have mentioned clarifying exclusivity, and yeah--that's something LW needs to discuss explicitly, and beyond just checking that they're kanojo and kareshi / tsukiatteru / whatever. And yes, there's also the possibility that, no matter what he's said, she's assuming he'll leave at some point, and that she has no intention of a permanent relationship with the LW. That also has repercussions on exclusivity, and, even if they ARE exclusive, his telling her to stop seeing (or change the way she sees) her friends--one of whom she's known for a decade!!--is NOT going to go over well.
Another question I have is, is/was she a hostess, or did she work at night (izakaya, bar, DJ, etc)? Many of my hostess friends see customers from their bar even during off hours: for example, one friend was paid to play golf every Sunday morning with two of her bar's customers. They paid for the golfing, her bar paid her for the time she spent there, everyone knew about the money changing hands, and everyone was fine with it--including her SO. Even if LW's gf is not currently a hostess, most of my friends who have friends that work in bars/snacks/lounges (or have worked in one themselves) are more open about both romantic and non-romantic relationships--another example: kissing (at least among my circle of friends) may also occur and not be considered cheating--and there's a flirty dynamic to a lot of friendships, including same-sex friendships between heterosexual people.
Basically, as several others have said, Japan's social customs and mores regarding dating, friendships, and sexuality vary from person to person, place to place, and generation to generation, but nearly all of them are very, very different from those in the West.
LW's gf's friends want to sleep with her. Great. Is she sleeping with them? It doesn't sound like it. In fact, it sounds like she's being pretty open about said other guys' interest, which I doubt she'd do if she planned to fuck them. And yeah, I guess she could be stringing along a bunch of guys maliciously, buuuuut...even from the LW's account, I kind of doubt it. Best thing he can do is to have an open and honest discussion with her about his feelings, their relationship, and her intentions/expectations. He doesn't sound like a bad guy--just a little jealous--but neither does the girl sound like the manipulative bitch Dan's painting her out to be.
Apr 21, 2011
Peri commented on Campus Conservative Group Attempts to Piss Off Campus Liberals, Succeeds.
I'm with @Joseph in London and @55 (Lourdes): as grating as the CR mail was to read (GRAMMAR. PUNCTUATION. FAIL. ARGH.), Dr. Lewin's response managed to lower the tone of the e-mail exchange even further. It may have satisfied her desire to vent, but accomplished nothing--unless you count enabling the CRs' desire to moan about their being demonised and victimised by the liberal establishment--and made her look inarticulate and childish. She should have sent the third e-mail or something similar if she wanted to make any sort of point at all. Biting sarcasm would've been nice; mocking the CR would have been great; 'FUCK YOU' just rings pathetic. I'm inclined to dismiss Professor Lewin for her juvenile response (and I'm definitely liberal), and I do think that her following up 'FUCK YOU' with whining about not being addressed by her title is a little rich. (Nevertheless, under any normal circumstances, students should address faculty as 'Doctor' or 'Professor' until invited to do otherwise, and I say this as someone with no doctorate who generally addressed her professors by their first name. That's just basic etiquette in an academic setting.)
Bottom line: I expected better from students and faculty from a university with a nationally recognised writing programme. What a disappointment.
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Bottom line: I expected better from students and faculty from a university with a nationally recognised writing programme. What a disappointment.
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LW1 sounds like a complete and utter prick. He's only half aware of his past flaws (DUDE! You stalked and emotionally fucked with your ex!), and totally unaware of his present ones.
WIFE, good luck!
LW3, I'd love to hear how this turns out...