DexX
Melbourne, Australia
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Mar 14, 2013 DexX commented on SL Letter of the Day: Double Bi Standard.
Dan, I have to ask... why the fuck did you reprint this pathetic piece of shit column? It was one of the worst fucking things you ever wrote, and I stopped reading your stuff for a couple of years afterwards.

Am I an "angry bisexual"? Sure, but that's because shit like this MAKES me angry.

So fuck you, Dan Savage. Either reprint stuff like this with a "look how fucking shitty my advice was seven years ago when I was a frothing-at-the-mouth biphobic cuntbag" or don't reprint it at all.
May 29, 2012 DexX commented on Savage Love.
I agree that it sounds like EAT is thinking herself out of pleasure. The brain is a powerful thing, and it doesn't take much emotional distraction to completely derail sexual performance. Men do this too - while feeling self-conscious I have managed to think myself soft. Mental feedback loops like this can be hellishly hard to break.

So, what's going on in your head? If you have access to a nice, understanding guy, I strongly suggest asking him to go down on you while you just let yourself feel however you happen to feel. Pay attention to what's going through your head, and see if maybe you can work out where it's coming from.

There are lots of reasons you may feel like a guy going down on your is "gross". Do you fear you smell bad? Do you think vaginas in general look weird (or yours in particular)? Are you self-conscious because you think you get too wet? Has some insensitive guy in the past told you you're dirty or smelly or germ-ridden?

If you can track your feelings to their source, you may be able to deal with it and work on changing your feelings. *shrug* Or you might not. If you're enjoying sex but just don't like receiving oral, then what you really need to do is learn to accept that fact about yourself. :)
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Apr 18, 2012 DexX commented on Savage Love.
@17 - Snap. Fingernails, knuckles, rough skin... fingers suck for anal play. Stick with toys and cocks.
Apr 18, 2012 DexX commented on Savage Love.
All solid advice for TUSH, but I'd like to add a little bit about cleanliness.

There are douches and enemas and the like, and some people prefer them, but I want to stress that they are not essential.

My boyfriend and I have excellent anal sex (taking turns to bottom) and we only rarely use internal flush-outs devices of any kind. Our clean-out procedure is usually as follows:

1) Sit on the toilet for a while. Be patient, relax, and let your body get rid of anything that's hanging around in there. If you're not too eager to get started, doing this for a good ten minutes is not excessive. Don't push hard, though - just relax and let your body do its thing.

2) Wipe gently. I can't over-stress this. Several times I've fucked up the entire process by being too rough during clean-up and making myself too tender for fucking. If you have access to a bidet, use it. In fact, minimal clean-up is required, because next you will...

3) Have a shower. Get yourself soaped up thoroughly and get squeaky clean. (Uh, but don't get any soap inside yourself. That stings.) Again, be gentle. Don't use a rough sponge or loofah. Be kind to that sensitive hole of yours.

That's it! Dry off (yet again, gentle with that towel!) and off you go. My boyfriend and I will quite happily engage in all kinds of play after this, including rimming (which is AWESOME - first thing that ever made me realise anal play could feel good). The only thing we'll use a full flush-out for is fisting, because I top in that activity and I'm squeamish about poo. :P

One thing people won't often mention about intrusive flush-out methods is that they can cause irritation and actually make anal less comfortable. Your colon is lined with sensitive membranes, and water isn't supposed to be up there.

Another thing douche advocates may not mention is that water can get trapped a long way up, and get expelled at really bad times. This is pretty disgusting when it happens - Santorum galore. If you decide to go with a flush-out device, spend a LONG time making sure all of that water has been expelled from your body before you start playing.

I learned a lot from a book I bought years ago... urm, I think it was called The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men. Cleaning, positions, easing into it... lots of great advice. I wouldn't be the slut I am today without it.
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Mar 14, 2012 DexX commented on Savage Love.
My wife and I hate 75% of each other's music.

When we first met she was uncomfortable about how much I swear because her previous boyfriend had been abusive.

We are incompatible in a million little ways.

Tomorrow is our 16th wedding anniversary.

If the good stuff is good enough, you can live with the bad stuff.
Aug 19, 2011 DexX commented on Case Closed: Bisexual Men Exist!.
@79 - Uh... I was agreeing with you... Well, I thought I was anyway...
Aug 18, 2011 DexX commented on Case Closed: Bisexual Men Exist!.
@74 [My Name Here] - My default position these days is that Dan Savage is still biphobic, in that he doubts the reality of bisexuality and also harbours a personal dislike for it - but he knows he's wrong and is trying to change. He's a bit like a racist old grandmother who tries really hard to be nice to her granddaughter's Asian boyfriend.

And hey, I can applaud that, but just because he has been making an effort doesn't mean he's beyond criticism. Like it or not, Dan has set himself as an advocate of acceptance by launching It Gets Better. This means his behaviour and beliefs are now under closer scrutiny than ever before.

Suggesting that any bisexuals who criticise him when his "nice grandma" facade slips and exposes the prejudice beneath are extremists or blindly hateful is disingenuous, bitchy, and frankly childish. Dan might not like it, but he's not just an advice columnist and writer any more; he's the co-founder of a public movement to counter prejudice and bigotry. When his prejudice shows, even when he makes a genuine effort to do the right thing, then yeah, he's going to cop more criticism than before.

Instead of being snarky about it and belittling his critics, what he really should be doing is promising to do better in future.
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Aug 18, 2011 DexX commented on Case Closed: Bisexual Men Exist!.
I am a bisexual. I deeply love my legally married wife, and we have awesome sex. I deeply love my would-legally-marry-if-I-could male partner, and we also have awesome sex.

I don't need a fucking scientist to prove that I exist.
Jul 28, 2011 DexX commented on Savage Love.
I have had the terrible misfortune of becoming well-known in my extended social circle as being reasonable, caring, calm, and grown-up. I mean, these are all generally true, but it means I can't get away with NOT being any of these things, which is frustrating as all hell when I have to deal with petty, vindictive, passive aggressive, immature fuckheads of mutual acquaintance.

Several times in the past few years I have had serious issues with people being complete turds to me, our mutual friends have said "Oh that's just how he/she is..." while I have basically been ordered to stay on my best behaviour because I'm "better than them".

Thankfully my actual partners are mature and sensible, but CPaS's situation just reminded me of that. It sucks being the only grown-up in the room, sometimes...
Jun 27, 2011 DexX commented on Bisexuals.
To those like #105 who still declaim that bisexuality doesn't exist, I have a question for you: Who am I lying to? My legally married wife of 15 years, or my committed boyfriend of five years? Clearly I can't love and feel physically attracted to both of them, since bisexuality doesn't exist, so please let me know which of these two relationships is fraudulent.

Or, you know, you could stop being so ignorant. That would also work.