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Oct 11 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
The other thing is, you should go find Elliot Rodger's manifesto and read it. Your letter, though slightly more genteel, is cut from the same cloth. The stuff about "missing out on me" and "they would rather be abused, cheated on, and kicked around" could have been written by him. Your creepy factor just went up by about five hundred percent.
Oct 11 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
Sorry for being Captain Obvious here, but I just have to point it out, since OLDER clearly is making some embarrassing mistakes in his arithmetic assumptions:

You say you are 64. The children of a woman your age are credibly in the age range of 30 - 46 years old. Forty-six. Not kids any more. That's effectively damned near as old as you are, doofus. There goes one of your assumptions about "baggage," up in old-fart smoke.

As far as your thing about exes goes, you should be aware that at your age, to NOT have any exes in your past is itself a red flag.
Sep 23 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@142: It is his body. When he is good and ready, he will do it. In the meantime, she is casting about for leverage to make it happen. That isn't her place. You are quibbling about the exact meaning of "force," but what she is doing is trying to make a choice happen that doesn't belong to her.

If she really, really, REALLY never wants kids in her familial life in any capacity whatsoever, she already has an option: to divorce him. She already knows she has that option, and has already vowed to use that option, should the situation arise. But that's not good enough for her, she wants to make him undergo a surgical procedure so that she doesn't ever have to face even the possibility of using that option. That is excessively controlling of her. She is working out her insecurities on his body.
Sep 21 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@SNIP - Go stand in front of a mirror and repeat the following: "I am trying to coerce another human being to undergo a surgical procedure, in order to not have to face the fear of possibly losing him to someone else -- when I'm the one who has vowed to initiate the divorce if it happened."

Repeat until it sinks in just how psychopathic you sound.
Sep 21 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants To Want Her Husband Again.
@43: I didn't mean to imply the hormone problems were not real, or not the actual problem. What I meant was that when one is emotionally out of control for medical reasons, it's particularly hypocritical to blame the support people for taking your claim of being sick at face value and responding in a way appropriate to a medical situation, rather than concluding you're just being a dickhead and giving you the kicking-to-the-curb that just-being-a-dickhead rightly deserves.

@27: see #28.

@28: It was brave and candid of you to admit that you were mistreating him. Points for that. Regarding your numbered points, however, they don't seem to be adding up to a strong argument for why you should keep trying with him. In reverse order: 3) You have my sympathy if he was ignoring you to play games. That's asshole behavior on his part, and maybe he deserves some of your anger; 2) if he's always been too quiet and reserved for your liking, he's not the right guy for you; 1) It sounds like you are still buying into the idea that his deer in the headlights was a bigger problem than your rageaholic outbursts, which to me says you aren't ready to give them up; and b) as long as you feel that way you aren't ever going to see him as anything but contemptible, because your rage is secretly just fine and it's everyone else's response to it that's the problem. Coming from that place, that loving feeling is unlikely to spontaneously regenerate (if it ever truly existed in the first place).
Sep 20 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants To Want Her Husband Again.
I'll allow as I might have gotten hold of it by the wrong end (I see #19's interpretation was diametrically opposite to mine, and I'm not thrilled that Comitatus liked it), but those were the warning bells that went off in my head when LW mentioned the thing about "cowering." That completely changed the tenor of the narrative for me. Not the first letter I have read where the writer seems to be saying (in some cases actually came out and said it), "I lost all respect for you when you let me walk all over you." Sorry, but that's the way a sociopath justifies their own predatory behavior. Walking all over someone is the behavior to atone for in the first place, not the part where they put up with it, or handled it poorly. Especially not if the malefactor is claiming a medical origin for their misbehavior, because that normally calls for a compassionate response, not a boot up your ass, no matter how richly deserved.

LW is welcome to explain how I misunderstood (frankly I would prefer to hear Hubby's side of the story in his own words about now), or ignore, as she sees fit.
Sep 19 avast2006 commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Wants To Want Her Husband Again.
"The relationship was great until 1) my PMDD made me a psychological at times and while we tried everything to fix it (new meds take time) he cowered instead of standing up to me."

I had to look up PMDD. Mayo Clinic says, "Although regular PMS and PMDD both have physical and emotional symptoms, PMDD causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt your work and damage your relationships." In other words, you were a towering bitch to him for months, and blamed it on your hormones; and when he was patient with you instead of slapping you down hard for behaving like a sociopath, instead of taking responsibility for your abuses, you no longer see him as manly for putting up with them.

Your further response to that was to compound your misbehavior towards him by cheating on him multiple times, justifying it by how little you see him as a sexual being, as if that was somehow a characteristic of him, not you.

And now here Dan is trying to convince you to persuade your husband to put his stamp of approval on you fucking other people, not him. (I don't believe for a moment that's going to rekindle any response in you towards your husband, by the way.) Given all the contrition and earnestness you were waving around in front of Dan, and the fact that you conspicuously left that tidbit about "PMDD" and "cowering" out of the main letter, I don't blame him for giving you the benefit of the doubt, but in light of the new information my impression is that you were trolling for a hall pass from a likely sympathetic authority figure the whole time.

My advice is not for LW but for husband: Your abuser already offered to walk away. You would be wise to let her.
Sep 16 avast2006 commented on Clinton Counterfactual From '08 Disproved by Clinton Nomination In '16.
@35: Bernie's a Jew, Clinton's a woman. Perhaps not the exact same set of bigots objecting to each, but a substantial block of them in either case,

At this point, Bernie is a moot point -- other than that the election is hers to lose. She and her followers certainly managed to piss off a lot of the voters that she is going to need in order to win in November (and I say that as one of the ones who is pissed at the way the primary was run, but is voting for her anyway because it's not like I haven't been voting for the least-worst candidate most of my voting life). The question at this point is, what is she going to do to woo those people back in the remaining seven weeks? Ginning up a preemptive case of sour grapes like Dan is doing here isn't going to accomplish shit. It may well reinforce their sense of alienation. If you need people's votes in order to win, you aren't going to get them by berating them into compliance.
Sep 16 avast2006 commented on Chris Hayes: Hacked Emails Are Just the Beginning.
A world where people put their phone in a box with a lid when they get home -- and mostly leave it there -- sounds pretty good to me, too.

The other thing about the hype here is that yes, the equipment is hackable -- through the OS. And then the OS gets updated, the update goes out over the air, and the hole gets closed. It's been that way for nigh on a decade already. Incidents will occur in ones and twos, and the hole that allowed it gets fixed. This isn't going to be the widespread complete abandonment of any expectation of privacy that is implied by that tweet-storm.

The third thing is that yes, even if you aren't Colin Powell, vengeful exes might be interested in your webcam, but it's not like you have several million vengeful exes -- all with the hacker skills necessary to get into your devices** - the way that Colin Powell has people interested in his comments about email servers.

(** Surely you aren't still using their name as your password? ... Oh. I guess humanity is doomed after all.)
Aug 10 avast2006 commented on Savage Love.
@UMW: You didn't mention how often you and your wife _do_ fuck. That's kind of important. "There's nothing you can do to make sex more appealing to me," means something a hell of lot different when you are fucking once a month than when you are already fucking once a day. I expect your frequency is somewhere in between, but you get the idea. Is she being frigid or are you being greedy? Be honest, now.

Second, how many brain cells does it take to figure out that maybe you should try to time your attempts at initiating when the two of you aren't just about to go do something else that fucking would interrupt? From over here in the peanut gallery, it looks like you are trying to test her. Does she love me/desire me enough to abandon existing plans? Miss the first half of the the party? Lose the reservation at the restaurant? Go hungry? Even if that wasn't your intent, that ends up being your effect. Show a little common sense.