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Mar 27 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Got It Good.
@17 - a combo platter of reasons. For one, well, y'know how after fifteen years of friendship you can wind up loving somebody dearly despite rather glaring faults? Well, there's that.He's an excellent individual when you aren't navigating sexual boundaries with him. And he started late, y'know, sexually speaking - he got zero touch of any kind 'till he was 22 (that was me) and like the other guys I know in that category he seems to be similarly delayed in ageing out of the typical early-20's guy Bang-Everything Modus Operandi. He is learning, but slower and later than the friends I have who were even marginally sexually active in their teens.
We have honest conversations, and he knows how I feel about his behavior, and I don't spare his ego when he trips on his dick and falls on his face.

And while I do feel morally compromised at times I also feel like one of the reasons he lets himself off the hook for things he shouldn't is that he's received almost no pressure from his male friends to behave any differently - a lot of mutual behavior-excusing goes on there. I want to fight on the other side of that equation, and I can't do that if I just say "fuck you, dick-bag, we aren't friends anymore".
Mar 26 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Got It Good.
I dated basically the same guy at basically that same age - plus he had no refractory period, so there was never-ever a respite. Two years in and I'd started hating both him AND sex - even though he was mostly a sweetheart and a good lover, outside of this (admittedly glaring) issue. I dumped him in year three. Thing is? ten years later, I'm still really good buds with him, and the sexual entitlement he displayed in those years has never ever left him. He's a serial CPOS now, and the same selfish obtuseness that allowed him to be such a demanding, whiny, pressury partner now seems to allow him to justify a lot of fairly unforgivable behavior.

I too hope this girl dumped him years ago, because I will never stop thanking the proverbial Lord that I got out before he started cheating with prostitutes. This kind of behavior is a REALLY bad sign.
Sep 29, 2013 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Not Gonna Happen.
Ms. Erica, I completely agree that if she's uninterested in ALL sex that's very different from being "tacitly playing along" with the rape fantasies in particular and being regularly into the Vanilla. If she's into the Vanilla but not the force but she still plays along... she's totally being GGG, and he has no "this is her fault" complaint. At all, in any way. That... being... said... I'm the kind of person he SHOULD be fucking. I have the reverse kink - I want a partner to do just what he's saying... but I want him to WANT to do that. Without that desire, without the greed in their eyes... it's not right, it's not hot. This isn't the case with every act, but with this crucial central lifelong fantasy it's really really important that the person is just as into the force and the... the whole thing... as I am. And lucky me, I'm young enough to know that if I don't find somebody who will do this for or to me - I will be fundamentally unsatisfied forever. I'm deff. on the side of the wife probably having un-plumbed sexual depths as well. But if she doesn't, that's ok too. But it sounds like he won't ever get what he wants from her, weather or not he has the right to ask.
Oct 31, 2012 PocketMouse commented on Not Everyone Is Looking Forward to Heteroween.
I think if North American society were less willing to take a woman's display of her own sexual agency and/or own body as an excuse to say they "look/act like a hooker" (@52, I'm lookin' at you, kid) Halloween wouldn't be this eruptive slut parade (i mean slut in a positive way here), as women would feel more able to celebrate their bodies 365 days a year and not just on the one night it's generally considered acceptable. You would get a more interesting mix of ideas on Halloween and a relaxing of the sexy-as-priority... so long as permitting women this agency ALSO happened in a society where a woman's worth became less attached to her youth and commercial attractiveness.

Bodies can be celebrated without diminishing their inhabitants so long as people aren't made to feel that their body and attractiveness is not the most important contributor to their worth. We currently exist in a time and place where girls are both inundated with the message that being pretty/hot is basically the most important thing, AND that acting on sexual desire or exposing their bodies to receive sexual desire is whorish, or dimishishes them, or is anti-feminist, or crude. Neither of these things are true, and playing this Twister-game of expectations ties many of our girls in crazy knots.

It is in allowing for - and celebrating - the differences, variety, and vast list of possible attributes that make a person valuable in the world that we can find a solution here. Sexy? Awesome. Brainy? Rad. Caring? Excellent. Love your big tits? Prop 'em up and show 'em to the world. Prefer wearing an entire shirt and rocking a party with your wicked sense of humor? That's killer too. Fat hairy guy in a diaper dressed as Cupid shooting people with arrows all night? Hi-fuckin'-larious. Let's be permissive and celebratory here, shall we?

And @52, I think your desire to see people normalize their appearance in order to, I don't know, what exactly? Not look like "weirdos" or... "tacky"? To... you? Well, it's pretty damned backwards and repressive, I've gotta say.
Feb 14, 2012 PocketMouse commented on Dear Huffington Post....
It's almost adorable, their wide-eyed conviction that these things are "rough" for Dan. It's childlike, this feeling that because somebody objects to your viewpoints - even strenuously and insultingly - that you are then OBVIOUSLY worried about it, right? That this must be followed by consternation and shock and chagrin, naturally, my god, you have OPPONENTS! How terrible! How terrible indeed, to be such a sycophantic toady that you would be concerned so primarily with one's own approval from such utterly insignificant corners, HuffPo.

It is as foolish as the continued misinterpretation of Dan's position on monogamy/nonmonogamy as "relationships don't matter and you don't believe in them"

They cannot filter nuance, can they? Or understand that a logical social position may not in fact be particularly controversial even though the right keeps screaming about it.

Big, clunky brains. Imprecise, filled with faulty logic, and no screens in place to sort good ideas from bad. It feels sometimes like these people come at ideas with giant blundering meaty paws and a language made up primarily out of grunts. Jesus, I need a cup of coffee.
Nov 28, 2011 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sex and the Demanding Boyfriend.
@91 - exactly. EXACtly. And @89... haha, thanks for your commiseration. And yes, i'm doing far, far better. In fact, my current fellow's response to this post was "jesus, just because I get a hard on in your presence doesn't mean it's necessarily YOUR problem" :) They make 'em better at 32 than they do at 22, that's for damn sure.
Nov 22, 2011 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sex and the Demanding Boyfriend.
MBIH, I COMPLETELY sympathize with you. I could have written this letter myself, at that age. I dated an essentially physically insatiable man from age 20 to age 23. @6 and @8 - you're so wrong. My ex could come - with ejaculation, though of diminishing quantity - up to 12 times a day. He orgasmed in pairs, also: the second would follow usually five to ten minutes after the first, and he considered himself unsatisfied with just the one. He also became whiny, petulant, and crabby with me if I ever said no. I gave so many blowjobs my inner lips were constantly lacerated from hiding my teeth. I don't think, in three years, we ever watched an ENTIRE movie with the guy - fifteen minutes of laying on the couch and he'd want to fuck. The upshot of this was, after two years of being so GGG it hurt (for real), my libido dried up entirely. He became -instead of a partner and a lover - a sexual user, a horrible, horny, harrying force constantly prodding me in the back with his hard penis. His petulance and selfishness did this as much as the constant desire for sex... if he'd been more considerate, more understanding, or less bitchy about the refusals, it wouldn't have gone that way. It didn't take long after that for me to realize I was irretrievably out of love with him... that I never ever wanted his penis anywhere near me ever again. Beware, my friend. Thus is the inevitable consequence of his behavior. And your current bf runs a very real risk of driving you away... forever... and he very likely may spend a decade trying - and failing - to find a girl half as willing as you are. This was the fate of my Ex. He never has found anyone as "up for it" as I was, and I never again let his penis in, on, or around my body.
Apr 8, 2011 PocketMouse commented on Confidential to Julia Sweeney.
OH my GOD I just laughed until I stopped breathing. As the daughter of a TMI-style sex-positive dad, this makes me laaaaugh. My sex-talk was graphically complete - female lubrication and male engorgement certainly featured in the explanation - and it just makes me happy to hear that other types of sex-positive awesome folks ALSO screwed up the sex talk... (i mean, c'mon, thanks Dad but it was really a bit much) but in completely different and equally hilarious ways.
Feb 1, 2011 PocketMouse commented on Savage Love Episode 224.
Oh my god. She is SO sweet and charming! (and she's so right)
Jan 26, 2011 PocketMouse commented on Control Tower.
"The concept of female virginity being something that is "lost" is archaic. But experiencing vaginal penetration for the first time is not a silly little nonevent. Whether it's enjoyable or anticlimactic, it's a physical, social, and emotional milestone that influences your feelings about sex in the future." - Excellently put, Ms. Mattisse. The idea that something is "lost" when women have sexual experiences is faulty and sexist and still all too common. Even thoughtful men in my life can fall victim to the notion that a woman can be "used up" by having lots of fun sex with a handful or more different men...It often comes from secret insecurity, and it drives me insane. I do my best to gently nudge them towards non-sexist thought patterns, and kick to the curb the ones who prove themselves stuck in those patterns. I argue to the death against the notion that a woman is tainted or tarnished or spoilt by sex.

But your distinction is the perfect one. That "the right" is not the same as "it's a good idea", and that early sexual experiences are undeniably formative, personal, and can have deep psychological impacts on us. And that, like any learning curve, it takes most of us time to become truly comfortable wielding and operating our new equipment. And all kinds of things can rear up and surprise us that we never saw coming - turn ons and turn offs that we wouldn't have called in advance.

We are not spoilt by our sexual experiences, but we are often altered by them. And until you have some experience under your belt (so to speak) it is unwise - not wrong, but Unwise - to engage in something as extreme as a live, webcast, three-man gang bang. Especially if it's going to be your first experience with penetrative sex. (yeesh! I mean o-60 much?)


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