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Apr 28, 2015 PocketMouse commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Photo Play.
Think one of the reasons Dan missed it here (sorry Dan, we so rarely disagree) and so many kinky women seem to be DTMFA-ing immediately... is that almost all of the kinky women I know have encountered this thing from a dude before. It's hella common. Dude insists on monogamy, isn't forthcoming with his kinks, you fall in love and agree to be locked down. You figure, hey, it's worth it. I love him, I'm willing to pay this price of admission. It's a big price. You spend a few months/years/decades daydreaming about the kink you could have, but continuously re-uping your decsion that it's ok, because love and compromise, and 6.5 out of 10. Suddenly it turns out dude is a super-perv on the side, and he's been hiding it from you, exploring it with others, lying about his real desires even when you pour wine down his throat and tell him all your secret beasts.

It's cruel and it's selfish. And it's a very, very bad sign.
Mar 21, 2015 PocketMouse commented on The Meteoric Rise of Totchos.

Mar 21, 2015 PocketMouse commented on The Meteoric Rise of Totchos.
Been eating these at Granville Island Market in B.C. since ought three. MMmmmmMM.
Jan 14, 2015 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: New Dad's Urge Surge.
@23. Nobody gets medals. Women don't get medals for not abandoning the newborn on a windy hilltop and running in the opposite direction - so why would a dude get a medal for not "driving the marriage off a cliff"? Two people who decide to have a baby, they take on very predictable responsibilities and consequences thereafter. Part of that super-predictable shit is "you might not get a bangin' sex life for awhile, neither of you, #sorrynotsorry". You know what the medal is? The medal is the BABY. The medal is "I was there for her while she put her body through the ringer birthing and feeding my child, and I was there for the baby, and we were as good to each other as we could be given the sleeplessness. And now look at the beautiful child we made together." Being a good father doesn't start when the kid learns to play catch, it starts when the woman carrying the baby can't stop hurling and you bring her a f*king ginger ale.
Mar 27, 2014 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Got It Good.
@17 - a combo platter of reasons. For one, well, y'know how after fifteen years of friendship you can wind up loving somebody dearly despite rather glaring faults? Well, there's that.He's an excellent individual when you aren't navigating sexual boundaries with him. And he started late, y'know, sexually speaking - he got zero touch of any kind 'till he was 22 (that was me) and like the other guys I know in that category he seems to be similarly delayed in ageing out of the typical early-20's guy Bang-Everything Modus Operandi. He is learning, but slower and later than the friends I have who were even marginally sexually active in their teens.
We have honest conversations, and he knows how I feel about his behavior, and I don't spare his ego when he trips on his dick and falls on his face.

And while I do feel morally compromised at times I also feel like one of the reasons he lets himself off the hook for things he shouldn't is that he's received almost no pressure from his male friends to behave any differently - a lot of mutual behavior-excusing goes on there. I want to fight on the other side of that equation, and I can't do that if I just say "fuck you, dick-bag, we aren't friends anymore".
Mar 26, 2014 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Got It Good.
I dated basically the same guy at basically that same age - plus he had no refractory period, so there was never-ever a respite. Two years in and I'd started hating both him AND sex - even though he was mostly a sweetheart and a good lover, outside of this (admittedly glaring) issue. I dumped him in year three. Thing is? ten years later, I'm still really good buds with him, and the sexual entitlement he displayed in those years has never ever left him. He's a serial CPOS now, and the same selfish obtuseness that allowed him to be such a demanding, whiny, pressury partner now seems to allow him to justify a lot of fairly unforgivable behavior.

I too hope this girl dumped him years ago, because I will never stop thanking the proverbial Lord that I got out before he started cheating with prostitutes. This kind of behavior is a REALLY bad sign.
Sep 29, 2013 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Not Gonna Happen.
Ms. Erica, I completely agree that if she's uninterested in ALL sex that's very different from being "tacitly playing along" with the rape fantasies in particular and being regularly into the Vanilla. If she's into the Vanilla but not the force but she still plays along... she's totally being GGG, and he has no "this is her fault" complaint. At all, in any way. That... being... said... I'm the kind of person he SHOULD be fucking. I have the reverse kink - I want a partner to do just what he's saying... but I want him to WANT to do that. Without that desire, without the greed in their eyes... it's not right, it's not hot. This isn't the case with every act, but with this crucial central lifelong fantasy it's really really important that the person is just as into the force and the... the whole thing... as I am. And lucky me, I'm young enough to know that if I don't find somebody who will do this for or to me - I will be fundamentally unsatisfied forever. I'm deff. on the side of the wife probably having un-plumbed sexual depths as well. But if she doesn't, that's ok too. But it sounds like he won't ever get what he wants from her, weather or not he has the right to ask.
Oct 31, 2012 PocketMouse commented on Not Everyone Is Looking Forward to Heteroween.
I think if North American society were less willing to take a woman's display of her own sexual agency and/or own body as an excuse to say they "look/act like a hooker" (@52, I'm lookin' at you, kid) Halloween wouldn't be this eruptive slut parade (i mean slut in a positive way here), as women would feel more able to celebrate their bodies 365 days a year and not just on the one night it's generally considered acceptable. You would get a more interesting mix of ideas on Halloween and a relaxing of the sexy-as-priority... so long as permitting women this agency ALSO happened in a society where a woman's worth became less attached to her youth and commercial attractiveness.

Bodies can be celebrated without diminishing their inhabitants so long as people aren't made to feel that their body and attractiveness is not the most important contributor to their worth. We currently exist in a time and place where girls are both inundated with the message that being pretty/hot is basically the most important thing, AND that acting on sexual desire or exposing their bodies to receive sexual desire is whorish, or dimishishes them, or is anti-feminist, or crude. Neither of these things are true, and playing this Twister-game of expectations ties many of our girls in crazy knots.

It is in allowing for - and celebrating - the differences, variety, and vast list of possible attributes that make a person valuable in the world that we can find a solution here. Sexy? Awesome. Brainy? Rad. Caring? Excellent. Love your big tits? Prop 'em up and show 'em to the world. Prefer wearing an entire shirt and rocking a party with your wicked sense of humor? That's killer too. Fat hairy guy in a diaper dressed as Cupid shooting people with arrows all night? Hi-fuckin'-larious. Let's be permissive and celebratory here, shall we?

And @52, I think your desire to see people normalize their appearance in order to, I don't know, what exactly? Not look like "weirdos" or... "tacky"? To... you? Well, it's pretty damned backwards and repressive, I've gotta say.
Feb 14, 2012 PocketMouse commented on Dear Huffington Post....
It's almost adorable, their wide-eyed conviction that these things are "rough" for Dan. It's childlike, this feeling that because somebody objects to your viewpoints - even strenuously and insultingly - that you are then OBVIOUSLY worried about it, right? That this must be followed by consternation and shock and chagrin, naturally, my god, you have OPPONENTS! How terrible! How terrible indeed, to be such a sycophantic toady that you would be concerned so primarily with one's own approval from such utterly insignificant corners, HuffPo.

It is as foolish as the continued misinterpretation of Dan's position on monogamy/nonmonogamy as "relationships don't matter and you don't believe in them"

They cannot filter nuance, can they? Or understand that a logical social position may not in fact be particularly controversial even though the right keeps screaming about it.

Big, clunky brains. Imprecise, filled with faulty logic, and no screens in place to sort good ideas from bad. It feels sometimes like these people come at ideas with giant blundering meaty paws and a language made up primarily out of grunts. Jesus, I need a cup of coffee.
Nov 28, 2011 PocketMouse commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sex and the Demanding Boyfriend.
@91 - exactly. EXACtly. And @89... haha, thanks for your commiseration. And yes, i'm doing far, far better. In fact, my current fellow's response to this post was "jesus, just because I get a hard on in your presence doesn't mean it's necessarily YOUR problem" :) They make 'em better at 32 than they do at 22, that's for damn sure.