San Diego, California, USA
report this user
Spikeygrrl is on the computer (duh!).
Jan 5, 2012 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
@127: You will be at peace when you are finally open to relating to a potential romantic partner who will not sell you out to "the next great fuck."

A same-sex attraction can be all kinds of fun in fantasy, but if you follow through on it in reality -- not just once, to see what it's like, but as a stable preference -- it WILL wreck your chances for a solid, monogamous MARRIAGE (one man, one woman).

IMO you would best be served by making up your mind and sticking to it. Until you do, your male partners will ALWAYS fear "a woman instead," and your opposite-sex partners will always fear "just another cock when she'd probably rather do a cunt."

NO potential romontic partner wants to think that he or she is with you just on the whim of a moment, which may at any further moment totally reverse. (How does a man displaced by a woman, or vice versa, even get a CHANCE to fight back for the relationship he or she has built a future on?!)

If you're utterly convinced that to stay sexually entertained you've just gotta be "gay" despite the CRUSHING downsides (that's a whole other post!), then for goodness sake, just do it! Don't go ensnaring straights into your lifestyle, it's NOT's FAIR!!! OTOH, if you're het, just do it _sans_ PC apology! Do NOT take the Woody Allen option (by which posing as bisexual just gives you twice the choices on Date Night). That doesn't ring true to anyone, of ANY preference, who wants a serious relationship, not just a quick fuck on Date Night. PEOPLE WILL BE HURT.

Just quit that. Be a freakin' adult and JUST QUIT THAT. There are other people in this world besides you, and it is NOT your job to gratuitously make their lives miserable. Alternatively, go live as a hermit on some isolated mountain-top where your selfishness cannot continue to strew harm wherever you go.
Jan 5, 2012 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
Good Women/Wives who put up with "monogamish" relationships (translation: lifetime get-out-of-jail-free card for cheating) still haven't figured out that they in and of themselves are good enough to DESERVE exclusive affection -- or who are continuing to behave so badly themselves that they truly do NOT deserve a faithful partner.
Nov 26, 2011 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
Re the "expert" advice to LW1: I don't doubt for a moment that the "expert" who was consulted would be LIVID if anyone presumed to tell him/her/it how "correctly" to refer to his/her/its own sexuality. To exhort the LW to no longer identify himself as "straight" is just as offensive as those rabid religionists who exhort post-surgical transgenders to identify as persons who have voluntarily mutilated their deity-specified bodies for no better reason than transient thrills.

Please, Dan: Practice what you preach, and apply the same standard to your "consultants."

-- Spikeygrrl (30 years a BDSMer but still 100% "straight," thank you very much!)
Nov 2, 2011 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
When you're adult/responsible enough to pay your own health care bills, THEN go ahead and have any kind of sex you want.

As long as you still rely on your parents'/guardians'/government's dime to clean up the health messes you are very likely to make with blithe promiscuity, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER IT. When you're adult enough to pay your own way, you're old enough for potentially harmful sex. I'll defend (almost) to the death your right to have almost any kind of legal sex you want...so long as you don't selfishly expect somebody else to pay for the risks that YOU choose to incur.
Nov 2, 2011 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
Re LW1: There's a way to get everything you want and nothing you don't from just one person: Pairbond with a person who wants everything you want and nothing you don't.

The INSTANT you let in "exceptions" you're in an untenable position similar to (though not necessarily identical to) LW1.

Once those sharp lines are blurred, at the end of the day EVERYTHING blurs. Which may be just fine for one partner -- like the bf here -- but is NEVER OK with BOTH partners.

Skip this shit. Enumerate your deal breakers VERY early on: on the first date is prolly too soon, on the fifth date is almost certainly too late. Yeah, you'll go on a lot of 1st-5th dates that go nowhere -- at least nowhere you WANT -- but you WON'T end up married for five or ten years to someone who has a need you never even suspected (and might even have accomodated had you only known).
Jul 25, 2011 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
@93: Your 10 minutes per week obviously doesn't have to factor in hauling all your stuff to the car (or bus), transit time to the laundromat, sitting there until all your loads are done, folding/hanging everything, and the return trip home. Even if you have only one load, there's your two hours right there.
May 20, 2011 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
@Erica P: When watching a male masturbate, there's actually a THERE there: THERE IS NO QUESTION whether a man with an erection is authentically aroused.

OTOH, when watching a female masturbate -- for herself, rather than for her partner -- there's no THERE there! How can it be arousing to watch a woman's hands on her vulva, barely vibrating? Women's orgasms depend on what's in her HEAD, not what's between her legs!!!

This has nothing to do with persons or personalities. Men are wired visually, women aren't.
Aug 25, 2010 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
As a 5'10" woman, I can attest that sheerly by the law of averages 50% or more of the men one is likely to date will be shorter than onesself (last I looked, the average height for a male in the U.S.A. was 5'9", down from 5'10" two decades ago before the rapid increase in Hispanic immigration). To insist on "someone taller" masochistically eliminates 50% of the available dating pool!

Narrowing down further by close-cropped hair, "fullback shoulders," and strong angular facial features (I have several times over the years, usually in dim light, been mistaken for a cross-dresser), the dating pool narrows still further.

BTL, women like me are frequently DESPERATE for men like you: men who will not condemn us as unfeminine, or (worse) who just ass/u/me we're lesbian and never make that pass! Advice: Try the Personals, like I did (and have been happily married for ten years because of it). State your preferences clearly. This method allows you to quickly winnow out the unsuitables so you don't waste the next decade or three pickling yourself in alcohol and self-pity at singles bars.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
Jul 14, 2010 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
@27 If infidelity does ever become "routine," doesn't that make it MORE unforgivable rather than less? When infidelity becomes "routine," Dan is actually right for once -- oh how I hate to admit it! -- when he questiions why be married/supposedly-monogamous in the first place?

Choose the action: marriage -- and you choose the consequences: monogamy. It really is that simple.
Jun 19, 2010 Spikeygrrl commented on Savage Love.
@219: "Subspace" is an extremely common Term Of Art amongst BDSM'ers, and a very useful one it is. But I've gotta admit that when I first heard it some 30 years ago my fevered brain leaped right to Trek, too.

(It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.)