commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Needs Help! NOW!
@24 Ending a relationship by pretending to be not paying attention to or listening to someone isn't passive-aggressive?
He tells you he's lost his trust in you, "oh, what did you say? Something about trust? Hmm.. I knew someone with a trust account once." You don't actually have to break up with him, just be non-committal about anything he says including whether he visits again.
commented on I, Anonymous: Seattle's Tech-xism Problem
Why are so many of you assuming she didn't go to HR? And, once you've made that mental leap, why are you yelling at her on the internet for this transgression you have just decided she committed?
If you're making unfounded assumptions, try being a little nicer to the person you're assuming all kinds of crap about. You're telling her that she's almost as bad as the people hurting her, with no evidence at all that your first assumption is correct.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Why Is My Gay Son Hooking Up With a Girl?
For the various of you who've been wondering, Dan said (I think in Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me ?) that he had a pregnancy scare with a girl when he was in his teens, but it was only a scare and it came at the right time to shake some sense into him, that being gay isn't defense against your gay sperm fertilizing an egg if you put the two together.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Mouth to Vagina Sores?
Obviously I'm going to assume that the LW has correctly diagnosed the kinds of sores she has, but for anyone like me, who was told that oral sores are all HSV-related, you should look into whether you have cold sores (HSV-1) or canker sores (apthous mouth ulcers, non-contagious autoimmune inflammation).
If they're painful white ovals surrounded by redness inside your mouth,
they aren't contagious and you should consider changing your toothpaste if it contains SLS.
commented on Savage Love
@11 for anyone not interested in going through the page source, they're linking this comment thread
but the original link got mangled by the comment parser here.
I hope this one goes through properly or I'm going to look extra stupid :)
Nov 30, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Live In Nope
@58 I'm really not sure what he would have accepted though, he wrote:
Since the break-up, I have tried to get more info from her about what went wrong. We met up a couple of times, talked on the phone, had loads of email correspondence, took several weeks apart, followed by more correspondence, and another meet-up. [...] However, any talk about the break-up just frustrates me. The specific reasons she gives are totally solvable, e.g., “You live far away” can be solved with “I’m open to move closer,” or “We didn’t spend enough time together” can be solved with “Let’s spend more fucking time together.” Other than that, I just get vague statements like “We should be closer than we are by now in our relationship” or “I just don’t see it lasting in the long-haul” or “the more we talk, the more of my suspicions are confirmed,” all without giving actual details. [...] I’ve told her that I am frustrated by her lack of clarity, and her response is “I’m sorry that I can’t give you the information you need.”
It really sounds like she broke up with him because she was no longer feeling this relationship, and now has repeatedly sat down with him and tried to explain her feelings pretty kindly and gently.
Usually at this point you tell someone to stop pushing for an explanation of why the other person broke up with them because since they don't have a non-feelings based reason and he keeps pushing for something clear, she might resort to taking something he says or does or is that was a very slight irritation and declaring that to have been the last straw. Not because she's trying to lie or because that's genuinely the reason, just because the list of reasons is long and vague and that's the only one specific and clear and unarguable to be accepted.
She's already told him gently that this just wasn't working for her and that it's not anything he did, just that she felt the relationship should be other than it was. it's hard to see how that could be more clear.
Nov 15, 2016
commented on President Pence Is Happening
@54 I think if you're not the target of the competence, then it makes sense to prefer competent bigotry to incompetent delusion.
As one of the potential targets of Pence's governance, I would rather we stick with the big unknown that is Trump. Maybe things won't be horrible for me under Trump, I know things would be horrible for me under Pence.
Both of them have proclaimed the things they would like to do, and several of them would make my life significantly worse, so I'd rather have the one in power who's incompetent than the one who's competent, if they're both going to be trying to make my life harder.
I get that if you're not the stated target, watching a wild shot from a novice is more nerve-wracking than an aimed shot from a seasoned marksman. It makes a lot of sense. But if you're the target, it's pretty clear which one gives you better odds.
Nov 8, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: What's In a Name?
Ooof, I'm glad at least that Lucifer got nixed in favor of something from Shakespeare.
I was a kid with a weird name, and now I'm an adult with that weird name. I hated having to spell it for everyone, and pronounce it for everyone, and never being able to have anything with my name already on it, but nowadays everyone has to carefully spell and pronounce their perfectly normal names for everyone because you can never tell if Tiphane is just how their parents decided to spell Tiffany.
Once I got past the age of twelve or so I was accustomed enough to my name that it was a part of me, and that's when it started becoming a cool thing. No one else had my name, but it was technically biblical so every so often I'd encounter someone who'd met someone who'd had it. Practically no one had any associations with it, there was no "oh, I knew a girl named Melissa, she was a total asshole". Now that I'm an adult it means that others remember me more than I remember them, which is occasionally slightly embarrassing but still a net positive for me, and an unusual name means no one will have to slog through the research papers of five others to find mine, so it's a career benefit.
By going Shakespearean you've given him a name that no one he encounters will have - he won't be Jennifer R of the three Jennifers in his class. But you've also given him a name that a number of people will have a passing familiarity with, which gives them a conversation starter and gives him something to bond over with new friends.
Also, he considers it his name. Stop putting him in the middle of this fight already, he's being too mature for his age with his response and that's worrying. How much do you make him privy to conflicts between you and your husband? Find someone else to hash out this and any other disagreements you have lingering between you and your spouse, preferably a professional, and let your kid be a kid. With his weird name. Sounds like he's grown into it already.
Oct 11, 2016
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Thanks For the "Cure," Mom.
it seems not too difficult to acknowledge how much hurt her shaming caused him in the past without discussing present or future sexual activities, which avoids discussing the wife's sex life entirely.
"I would never thank you for the horribly hurtful attempts you made to shame me for my sexual desires and interests as a teenager. You caused me a great deal of unnecessary pain, and if I ever find you doing something similar with my child you will have no further contact with us."