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Oct 11 tal commented on SL Letter of the Day: Thanks For the "Cure," Mom..
it seems not too difficult to acknowledge how much hurt her shaming caused him in the past without discussing present or future sexual activities, which avoids discussing the wife's sex life entirely.

"I would never thank you for the horribly hurtful attempts you made to shame me for my sexual desires and interests as a teenager. You caused me a great deal of unnecessary pain, and if I ever find you doing something similar with my child you will have no further contact with us."
Sep 14 tal commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Skip That White Wedding.
I just got married, and there were a fair number of people who had to leave early, they were there for the ceremony and the beginning of the reception and then had to give their goodbyes and scoot out. I think you would be able to avoid a lot of grief if you planned on being there for an hour only, though coming up with a reason for having to leave might be difficult (the people who left my reception early had a long car ride to get started on)
Aug 17 tal commented on "The Victorians" From Port Townsend Refused Entry From B.C.'s Butchart Gardens For Being Themselves.
So the links in the stranger article are broken because they put an html tag into the link, if you delete that off the end you can get to the links. Hopefully they'll fix that soon.
Aug 6 tal commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Punting.
@28 but they're on just about equal footing with regard to one-night-stands; assuming their hometown isn't incredibly tiny and in the middle of nowhere they can both go to bars after hours near a conference and hook up with someone random.

And he has much better chances of setting up a recurring fwb relationship, something WGHA can't do unless they have to travel regularly to the same set of cities.

Finally, the time to complain about a perceived imbalance in fairness of a set of rules is when you set them, with your words, not by breaking them.
Jul 20 tal commented on Savage Love.
@22 while I don't know that that's necessarily the case it would definitely be entertaining. Some of the best-written female roles have been ones that were first written with the intent of having the character be male, but while I think this improves Hollywood's ability to write women as *people* I'm not sure a simple gender swap automatically improves the movie.

I think there are some crutches that get used when writing female characters to indicate certain types of ladies, where male characters tend to get more individual characterization (not valid for any daytime tv show, to be sure). Encouraging a gender swap does encourage a certain re-centering of the character's defining traits, as many characters could be either gender without major rewriting.

It's going to be interesting to see if this is just a one-off experience or if we're going to start getting female characters who are more individuals and less female type stand-ins.
Jul 20 tal commented on Savage Love.
@32 you're right, they should have talked about twinkies for a couple of minutes and thrown cheez-its and coke in for good measure. They paid for their ghostbusters product placements, they should get to be in both!
Jul 20 tal commented on Savage Love.
@20 I have so much love for the original movie, both because it is legitimately awesome and iconic and also because I am filled with nostalgia for it. I also really enjoyed the new movie and had a great time watching it, and I have trouble answering that question.

I think both of them are excellent movies, but they are both very much products of their time and I like now time better than I like the time of 32 years ago. It is easier to watch and enjoy a movie lacking in some of the problematic themes of the original, but that does not necessarily make it 'better than the original'. There are a lot of old movies that you have to watch with some mental filtering for their context, and the way that a lot of sexually predatory behavior is lauded in the original is like watching old movies where being gay is the joke or being racist is just assumed. You can enjoy it as long as you can suspend the perspectives of today, which is a tiny price to pay for so many amazing movies.

Someday this new version will require the same suspension of modern perspective to be enjoyable, and I think it will be as worth the effort as the original movie is now.
Jun 22 tal commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Target Engaged.
@37 where is this place that doesn't set up common-law marriage-style-things as strictly opt-in? You have to be actively presenting as a married couple everywhere in the USA, for example. There is no "Surprise! You're now considered married!" place listed on wikipedia at least, they're pretty clear that, like standard marriage, you have to be freely consenting.
Feb 25 tal commented on I, Anonymous.
@10 I'm sure in due time they'll move on. I'm also sure that you're not the one to tell them when 'due time' has passed. And telling someone who is legit working to get over something that they should move on with their life before due time has passed kinda makes you a misery-inducing little shit.
Aug 19, 2015 tal commented on Savage Love.
@62 when my SO isn't around and I sleep on her side of the bed I find all sorts of stuff behind her nightstand just by letting my eyes wander as I nod off. Mostly it's used tissues, but occasionally it's been stuff that I knew she was looking for. Her nightstand is just built that way, you can see more from the bed than standing in front of it.