shefightslikeagirl
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Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Pregnancy Derails Poly Bliss.
@31 Oh lord, is that ever NOT true about breeding? ;) I’m not “revulsed” by polyamory, I’m repelled by drama. I’m not even saying it can’t work, I’m just saying it’s pretty damned interesting how it seems to go the same route over and over. Actually, no, wait, I take it back. I personally DO find polyamory revulsive, just like I personally find children revulsive, for myself in my own life, she says, throwing asterisks all over the room like fucking confetti. And that doesn’t matter one whit for what other people do and enjoy. You didn’t “turn” anything back on me, and you certainly didn’t do it by suggesting that breeding fucks up relationships, because, well, it does. There are actual studies about THAT. (Why are some “happy” people so defensive about what makes them “happy” anyway?)
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
@37 Blahblahblah, yes, nothing I say forces anyone to do anything, it’s my opinion, blahblahblah, god I hate having to say this every time I express a thought, fucking internet.
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Pregnancy Derails Poly Bliss.
@27 Well, and also, "tell her what you to be with her" is *that, which I wasn't going to bother mentioning, because I figured they're both typos/brainos/result of him writing his response high/getting on an airplane/any one of his usual excuses for slapdashery. :)
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
@32: To be perfectly honest, I don't care if it makes me/the woman in this example feel awkward/annoyed. I just don't care. This is an interaction that needs to be moved forward if we are going to start taking each other seriously as equals. I also want to specifically mention the great divide between "feeling awkward" and "feeling threatened." Different advice/behavior for those situations.
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
LW1: It bothers me when women use either “I’m gay” or “I have a boyfriend” to waylay unwanted suitors. We need to get better at saying “no thanks” and/or “I’m not interested.” And keep saying it, regardless of the question. "I have a boyfriend" just seems another way of saying "I'm already someone's property, and you respect others' property, right?" When what they should be hearing is "I, an individual, a person, am not interested in pursuing this interaction." I know a lot of women will say they are physically afraid to outright reject a man, but the kind of man who will react with some measure of violence to “no thanks” is also going to react with some measure of violence to “I’m gay,” don’t you think? Perhaps even worse, because now he thinks he actually simply has to overcome the “competition.”
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Pregnancy Derails Poly Bliss.
With apologies for anyone for whom this sort of relationship works (I personally have never met anyone for whom it did work), this is why I can’t even imagine having multiple relationships. Christ. When one relationship is stable and moving forward (“yay! a baby!”), some other one is drama-llamaing the joint up (“oh no, mostly-my-husband’s girlfriend of four entire months is dancing away slightly!”). To expend this kind of energy during this phase of life…ugh, no thanks. Even as gentle and gracious as this letter writer was, it still seems to me that multiple-relationship people just can’t live without all the sturm und drang.
Jun 28 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Old Dirty Pics Piss Off Sex-Starved Spouse.
@51 Nope. "Everyone should shut up" is a POV one gives up when one writes to a public advice-giving column. "You haven't been there so you can't have an opinion" is also unrealistic and pointless. Why, I've never BEEN murdered, nor have I had a loved one murdered, so I guess I should just STFU about murder! Nope nope nope.
Jun 28 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Old Dirty Pics Piss Off Sex-Starved Spouse.
If they were “open” before they developed feelings for each other, re-opening the relationship seems like exactly the way to blow it up. They aren’t people who are open/poly by nature; they were two people who were fucking, and fucking other people, until they fell in love. LW is resentful of her, and it's only going to get worse. The love is already gone.
Jun 23 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
@60/marmer: That's what I think. I've been rattling around the punk scene for decades, and most of the people I know have (at least) two names; one in the scene, and one with the family/work. That's what I'd do, but then I'm not one very interested in making everyone else conform to my whims. I also don't have any nicknames, so who knows really.
Jun 23 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
I have some relevant experience with the first letter. I myself "have" a dogslave. He has a dog name. He does not use his dog name in his public/daily life, but does use it in our communications. As for whether it's a sexual identity, this is one of those "maybe it is for him, but it ain't for me" situations. To me, he's a dog. Nothing sexual about that, in my case.