shefightslikeagirl
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Aug 22 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Quick Hits.
Dr Joy Browne had (has?) a tendency to give "well, then, get a better-paying job" type advice along the lines of "well, then, move to a better city." Always bothered me. So does "well, then, get a different boyfriend/girlfriend." Man, must be nice to be able to just pluck these things off trees.
Aug 16 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Daddy's Pretend Girl Worried About Daddy's Actual Girl.
This notion of "I have a fetish which I enjoy, and I regard with suspicion anyone else who would engage in such a thing" is what ended my marriage (more or less).
Aug 8 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Punting.
Some of these young people (<30) seem to think they are Bad People if they don't do open relationships. Like, they are stodgy and old fashioned, even though for a lot of the letter writers, it's not something that seems natural, or even workable, for them. That's how this letter felt to me. LW seemed fine being monogamous, but thought the right/kind/modern thing to do was open the relationship, when even the boyfriend didn't seem that interested in doing so.
Aug 2 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Just Say No.
Is part of LW's fantasy actually being knocked out? Or just being "incapacitated"? I haven't had this particular fantasy, but it still seems like I'd want to just pretend, because I'd want to be able to experience my "abductor"'s excitement, etc., as well. (But I am more voyeur than anything.)
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Pregnancy Derails Poly Bliss.
@31 Oh lord, is that ever NOT true about breeding? ;) I’m not “revulsed” by polyamory, I’m repelled by drama. I’m not even saying it can’t work, I’m just saying it’s pretty damned interesting how it seems to go the same route over and over. Actually, no, wait, I take it back. I personally DO find polyamory revulsive, just like I personally find children revulsive, for myself in my own life, she says, throwing asterisks all over the room like fucking confetti. And that doesn’t matter one whit for what other people do and enjoy. You didn’t “turn” anything back on me, and you certainly didn’t do it by suggesting that breeding fucks up relationships, because, well, it does. There are actual studies about THAT. (Why are some “happy” people so defensive about what makes them “happy” anyway?)
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
@37 Blahblahblah, yes, nothing I say forces anyone to do anything, it’s my opinion, blahblahblah, god I hate having to say this every time I express a thought, fucking internet.
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Pregnancy Derails Poly Bliss.
@27 Well, and also, "tell her what you to be with her" is *that, which I wasn't going to bother mentioning, because I figured they're both typos/brainos/result of him writing his response high/getting on an airplane/any one of his usual excuses for slapdashery. :)
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
@32: To be perfectly honest, I don't care if it makes me/the woman in this example feel awkward/annoyed. I just don't care. This is an interaction that needs to be moved forward if we are going to start taking each other seriously as equals. I also want to specifically mention the great divide between "feeling awkward" and "feeling threatened." Different advice/behavior for those situations.
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love.
LW1: It bothers me when women use either “I’m gay” or “I have a boyfriend” to waylay unwanted suitors. We need to get better at saying “no thanks” and/or “I’m not interested.” And keep saying it, regardless of the question. "I have a boyfriend" just seems another way of saying "I'm already someone's property, and you respect others' property, right?" When what they should be hearing is "I, an individual, a person, am not interested in pursuing this interaction." I know a lot of women will say they are physically afraid to outright reject a man, but the kind of man who will react with some measure of violence to “no thanks” is also going to react with some measure of violence to “I’m gay,” don’t you think? Perhaps even worse, because now he thinks he actually simply has to overcome the “competition.”
Jun 29 shefightslikeagirl commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Pregnancy Derails Poly Bliss.
With apologies for anyone for whom this sort of relationship works (I personally have never met anyone for whom it did work), this is why I can’t even imagine having multiple relationships. Christ. When one relationship is stable and moving forward (“yay! a baby!”), some other one is drama-llamaing the joint up (“oh no, mostly-my-husband’s girlfriend of four entire months is dancing away slightly!”). To expend this kind of energy during this phase of life…ugh, no thanks. Even as gentle and gracious as this letter writer was, it still seems to me that multiple-relationship people just can’t live without all the sturm und drang.