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Aug 13, 2013 seeker6079 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Exing Out Exes.
Just for fun about exes:
“We'd like to think we left a mark on our ex-lovers, but most if not all are probably fully engaged by their present lives and glad to be rid of us” By David Edelstein - “So Far Away” Slate, Thursday, Aug. 4, 2005
Aug 13, 2013 seeker6079 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Exing Out Exes.
Dan's being kind and offering hope of salvaging things..
"Hey, there's hope. We might not sink. This is the Titanic, after all!"

Nah. This seems more like the Wilhelm Gustloff.
Aug 13, 2013 seeker6079 commented on SL Letter of the Day: Exing Out Exes.
A man who says "for the love of god don't have a kid together, that will handcuff to this crazy, controlling woman!" one often gets called a misogynist or an MRA. You're lucky, ADD, that you can avoid that sort of sanity-shaming and for the love of any god in the vicinity, take Dan's advice and RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

No second chances, no new agreements that she will supposedly keep. Dan's right: the second the kid arrives all the nasty stuff will return, and be ramped the hell up. Not "might", will: Manipulative and controlling people do not change, but they can be tactical.

Ricardo: Don't get cocky, kid.

Aug 13, 2013 seeker6079 commented on Savage Love.
the boyfriend just deflects the older brother's criticism by saying, "Sorry, I can't keep my hands off such a hottie."
That's not a deflection, that's a direct challenge wearing an apology hat.
The older brother doesn't say this behavior continued after the chastisement. [...] it's unlikely there were any further opportunities for the boyfriend to offend the older brother.
Yeah, because people write in about solved problems all the time, referring to them in the present tense.
Aug 13, 2013 seeker6079 commented on Savage Love.
seander, no, I didn't mention that.

I was seventeen once. And if I thought about moving in on a fifteen year old girl who'd just lost both of her parents and was struggling with her new relationship with her sole surviving family member, seeking to put myself between her and that brother, I would have been -- and thought myself -- predatory. Seventeen is old enough to know that you don't behave that badly, that you show some respect for boundaries, for the partner's family, and for good manners. The BF has shown none of these, which makes him an asshole. To do it to a grieving kid under the age of consent is predatory and there is no way in heaven, hell or therapy that you can, or should be able to, sugarcoat or excuse it.
Aug 13, 2013 seeker6079 commented on Savage Love.
@183: See, please, @185.
Somebody capable of that level of stonefaced sarcasm is well capable of defending himself.
Aug 13, 2013 seeker6079 commented on Savage Love.
Oh, I think seandr's more than capable of thinking for himself without having some condescending enabler of fifteen-year-old-fuckers point out the big bad scary commenters for him.
Aug 9, 2013 seeker6079 commented on Savage Love.
@118: And if that works for you, god bless'ee sorr and long life to you.

But the LW has a dickhead actively trying to undermine all of that good work, and enablers like Allan Gilliam airily dismissing LW as not even family, just some 25 year old guy.

You seem to have far more patience for collaborative approaches than I do. (I have seen them used to fuck over people far too often to trust them.) How would you rate the possible success of a joint family sit-down with BF's parents and the two little Romeos?
Aug 9, 2013 seeker6079 commented on Savage Love.
@115: Hence my use of the word "just". He should have been arrested; he should not have been the only one arrested when there was videos showing assaults and furniture-throwing by pretty much everybody concerned and especially most if not all of the women. My point is that in 99 out of a 100 cases cops will just arrest the man.
I pretty sure that if you don't hit her you won't get arrested.
I'm sorry for your shitty childhood, but that has to the most fucking naive thing I have heard all day, and one completely at odds with my own past experiences as a family lawyer and the past and current experiences of my criminal colleagues. And even in those cases where the cops don't arrest anybody (even where the man is actually bleeding) they lean on him to leave the home to "calm things down". And the second he is out that door he has lost the family case because the court will accept his departure as an implicit admission that he was the problem, or as a convenient way of saying "that's now the status quo" while pretending not to take sides on who struck who.
Aug 9, 2013 seeker6079 commented on Savage Love.
@101: But in many cases like this it is the submissive (in the metaphorical rather than BDSM sense of the word) partner who is making themselves property. Take a look at how the BF in the letter treats brother15: like something he owns, and in a way which directly challenges what we can call the "protective ownership" of the brother and replacing it with what we can call "the sexual ownership" of the BF, and one which specifically challenges the familial authority of the brother. (And, yes, there is authority there, and there should be.)

In a dynamic where the BF has created an ownership game and brother15 has accepted being property, why on earth is brother25 the only one not allowed to play to win that game? The only thing I'd suggest to brother25 is the thing that Dan finds unacceptable: waiting until BF is 18, if for no other reason than to increase the odds that the cops won't arrest him. "Knocked the BF on his ass when he went too far" may result in brother25 being charged; "knocked BF who is statutory rapist on his ass" far less so. That said, the "softly softly / talk / awareness" approaches outlined here are -- IMHO, and while objectively vexing and morally odd -- far more likely to produce positive results than the well-deserved ass-whooping.