Nov 30 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Live In Nope.
@55 How about "I don't want to do this anymore"?

ANY reasons is a good reason to break up, if the person breaking up thinks it is. And the person being broken up with doesn't get a say.

Yeah, that sucks when it happens to you. But the alternative is people staying in relationships they don't want, and that sucks worse.
Nov 30 agony commented on Savage Love.
I work with small children. Three year old boys like to play with their dicks all the time, too, and we say "that's something people do in private, please".

It works pretty well with tiny little boys who can't tie their shoes yet, so it should probably work with her boyfriend - they sound like they're at about the same level.
Nov 29 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Live In Nope.
Oh, and about "compassion".

Compassion is great, but it can manifest in different ways. Compassion that allows and encourages wallowing is not really very useful, or very nice. Sometimes people need to be told "Stop flailing around with that hammer. It's hitting other people, and swinging around and hitting you - you are hurting everyone".

The sooner this guy realizes that everyone is tired of his hurt feelings he'll also realize that he too is tired of them, and will stop nursing and nurturing them and keeping them alive.
Nov 29 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Live In Nope.
Hon, you're not even accepting Dan's advice, and you don't know him or feel you have any claim on him. If this is how you "accept her decision", I'm surprised she doesn't run like the wind from the sight of you.

People can, yes, be friends with exes. But not right away. First they have to let them be exes for a while. If you actually want to keep her as a friend, go away and come back in a year. Yes, I said "a year", not "a week".
Nov 29 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: She Done Dumped Me Wrong.
You don't have PTSD, you have hurt feelings.

Justifiably - you've just been dumped, and that hurts. Especially when it comes from out of the blue, and you were happy.

Be nice to yourself (which includes not rubbing salt in the wound by staying in contact with her) and when it doesn't sting quite so much, get back out there.

You are hurting her, and you are hurting yourself, with your behaviour, cut it out. It's just a broken heart, we've all had them, and we've all gotten over them.
Nov 9 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Her Husband Voted For Trump (She Thinks) And She Wants Out.
My tubal was an outpatient procedure - I had a general anesthetic, but the whole thing was about four hours from walking in the door to walking out. Yeah, it's more serious than a man getting a snip, but it's also not a huge big deal. And that was 25 years ago, it's probably easier now, with lasers.

As for advice, I'd say get out sooner rather than later. Don't depend on him being a partner in getting you started in a new life. If you have people who will help you, don't be proud, take their help. You can always pay them back later.
Nov 3 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: WOES Gets It, JABBER Doesn't Get It (But Doesn't Mind).
It's actually really good for your kid to see non-sexual intimacy between the two of you - there is zero need to cut back on that stuff just because there's a kid in the house.

My husband and I raised two kids, and while yes, that does mean some changes to your sex life at times, it doesn't mean you need to go straight to "nothing at all". You can have valuable one on one time with your kid, valuable family time, AND valuable sex with your spouse - you might have to choose in the moment, but over the course of the month, there is room for all. We also had crazy schedules and much travel, but all that means is that sometimes the two of you are alone in the house at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday - stop unpacking and doing laundry (things you can do with your kid around, or even with your kid) and use that time to put a little back into the intimacy jar.

Try doubling up on some of this - doing chores together also counts as family time, for example, as does snuggling with your spouse on the couch while working on your kid's exposure to classic movies.
Nov 1 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: His Woes Are Similar to WOES Woes.
@ 1 - so you see marriage as essentially prostitution? He'd be sexually attractive to her as long as he was making enough so she wouldn't have to hold a job?

My condolences to Mrs Comitatus.
Oct 27 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Mom's Boundless Boundary Issues.
Boundaries aren't something other people have for you, they are something you have, and maintain.

So the problem here is not your mother's boundaries, but yours. Set them, and enforce them.

You don't have to answer questions that you don't want to. You don't have to tell your mother about your sex life or your drug use. You don't have to leave your phone around without password protection. You are not a child, and you don't have to act like one.

If you were staying with someone not your parents - a well off distant relative, say, who has some room and doesn't mind putting up a poor young person for a bit - you would repay their hospitality by being clean, by doing little errands and chores, and by providing a reasonable amount of companionship. You wouldn't be involving them in the details of your personal life.

You can deal with your parents on the same basis. But to establish that basis is not your parents' job, it's yours, because you are the person who wants it. Looks like your mother would be happy to have you stay a dependent child forever, so since you don't want that, it's up to you to change the dynamic.
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Oct 21 agony commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Guys Keep Putting Him In "The Bottom Zone".
Looking at this from the perspective of a hetero woman, it all seems to boil down to "Your boyfriend is an asshole" - it's one of those things we het woman get pretty good at spotting.

You let him know how you feel, and he's been dismissive and defensive. The reaction of a non-asshole would be something like "I didn't realize you felt that way, of course we'll have to take turns or otherwise mix things up more" not "that's not my problem".

DTMFA