commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: You Heard It Here First, Cousin
Frankly I'm more squicked out by his characterizing what happens when her libido shuts down as "teasing" than by the cousin thing.
She doesn't owe him sex, so if she wants to continue a physically affectionate relationship while not having sex, that's not teasing, that's just what she wants. He's free to not like that and walk away, but she's not doing anything wrong.
Since some men are quick to accuse women of teasing for any action on their part that arouses him but doesn't get him laid (such as, oh, being attractive and in the same room) that word is almost always, if not a red flag, a sorta pinkish one.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Trump Killed His Wife's Libido
I've always found Dan's advice to have non-penetrative sex rather than PiV as a way to make sex a little more frequent, a bit odd.
For me, PiV is a helluva lot easier than a hand job, or a blow job, or anything else, really. If it really is a case of a mostly-checked-out, just-doing-him-a-little-favour, what's easier than lying there? It's faster, too.
If hot, both-of-us-into-it sex just isn't an option for some reason, I'd rather he take me out to the garage and bend me over the car than get a sore wrist giving a hand job, any day. Fast and fun and away from the in-laws.... give it a try, LW.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: When Should She Tell Her Date She Wants to Bang?
I'm not quite sure why "I'd like to kiss you right now, may I kiss you?" is considered a boner killer, while just making a move is the recommended strategy, from so many of you.
Talking about sex, with someone you feel sexy towards, is sexy. If talking about it is a boner killer, actually doing it won't be that great either, I'd say.
The easily-rebuffed "make a move" that several of the previous posters recommend is kinda like the teenage boy faking a stretch that ends up with his arm around the girl - more tiresome than anything else, frankly.
commented on Savage Love
Things that may seem well within the bounds of acceptable - work part time while going to school, live with strangers, take on some debt, move far away - to the neurotypical, could very well be beyond what is possible to someone on the spectrum.
It's worthwhile to suggest them, to encourage UTAH to think outside the box, but she probably has a pretty good idea of where her limitations are, and has learned to respect them.
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Engaged to a Beard
I think most men look better with facial hair.
Those who really dislike it, like Dan and a couple of commenters, I have to ask - would a partner growing a beard be a libido-killer? Are you just like the LW, in reverse?
My husband always wore a mustache, but his beard came and went, depending on what kind of a job he was doing. All fine with me. He usually wore his on-the-head hair moderately longish, not down-the-back long, but shaggy.
He once shaved his head, for a fundraiser. The shaved head was fine, kinda sexy. But it started to grow in, and when it reached angry old white guy crewcut length, it was a complete lady-boner killer. It was like he had turned into Peter Boyle from the movie "Joe" and I could barely stand to look at him.
If he'd kept his hair that length, I dunno. Long pretty good marriage, two kids, mortgage - I'm not entirely sure if all that would have outweighed how unattractive I found that hair.
Nov 30, 2016
commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Live In Nope
@55 How about "I don't want to do this anymore"?
ANY reasons is a good reason to break up, if the person breaking up thinks it is. And the person being broken up with doesn't get a say.
Yeah, that sucks when it happens to you. But the alternative is people staying in relationships they don't want, and that sucks worse.
Nov 30, 2016
commented on Savage Love
I work with small children. Three year old boys like to play with their dicks all the time, too, and we say "that's something people do in private, please".
It works pretty well with tiny little boys who can't tie their shoes yet, so it should probably work with her boyfriend - they sound like they're at about the same level.