commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Girthless And Mirthless
Dan, enough with the 'How girthy are his forearms?' retort to complaints about a skinny penis. This woman is looking for satisfying PIV sex, not FIV sex (not to be confused with Feline immunodeficiency virus).
LW: If you need increased pressure to enjoy oral sex, ask your partner to suck your clit/vulva hard and insert two (or more) fingers into your vagina. It really does make a huge difference. And don't let anyone tell you that the location of nerve endings is all that matters. Supposedly there are no nerve endings in the cervix, and yet plenty of people with a cervix can feel that swab during a pap smear.
Dec 23, 2015
commented on SL Letter of the Day: High Hopes
Just a note about putting yourself out there online as a short man: Don't fucking lie about your height. It's something dates will notice and not something you can fake in real life (she'll see those heels you're wearing). I once met up with a guy who on okcupid said he was 5'5", which is the same height as me (I don't wear heels) and when I greeted him I could see clear over his head. He was maybe 5'2", and that wasn't a problem for me at all, but that kind of petty lying is a huge turn-off and a red flag.
Nov 23, 2014
commented on Christian Sex Toy Store or Missing Spice Girl?
Dan's 'Christmas Shopping' link at the bottom pulls up the 'Christmas Spice' page of the website which features vibrators, dildos, lube, and the MINI LEG LAMP FROM A CHRISTMAS STORY!? I am all for any site or retail outlet wanting to sell A Christmas Story paraphernalia, but I'm a bit concerned that younger married Christians who were raised without exposure to 'worldly' television and movies might be confused as to the erotic implementation of the Major Award.
Nov 8, 2014
commented on Should the Duggar Girls #FuckFirst?
I think it's worth mentioning that the Christian Patriarchy/Quiverfull movement makes it very hard for adult women to leave, and not simply because it railroads young women into early marriage and early motherhood. There's also educational, spiritual, and psychological abuse that goes on in the form of inadequate homeschooling including science denialism, social isolation, and resistance/refusal to sending girls to college, and perhaps even more insidious, shunning in the case of 'rebelliousness'. Older daughters in these families are often the primary caregivers to their younger siblings, creating bonds that go beyond even the usual closeness that siblings feel. A young woman who might want to free herself from the CP lifestyle faces the prospect of having all contact with her family--especially those impressionable younger siblings whom she's raised--cut off completely and permanently. And since many of these families (and the Duggars are among them) practice home-churching, a shunned family member is also kicked out of her church. Even if the family attends a community church, that church likely supports the family's position and will shun the 'apostate'.
And as for the gay Duggar kid (or two), they will likely swallow the party line and convince themselves that they can have 'same sex attractions' so long as they don't act on them and they marry a person of the opposite sex. But hopefully we won't have to wait until their middle-age for them to realize that they deserve to have the sex and love life they want and that they can establish themselves as financially independent simply by writing the tell-all book about the family that we've all been waiting for. (Seriously--I'd buy that thing in hardcover!)
Jul 10, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: If Not Unicorns Then What?
James6 @24 has it right - Dan's original use of Unicorn was "someone who was willing to materialize, fuck you and your husband or wife, and then vanish without leaving a trace or any emotional entanglements."
Perhaps the 'junior wife/concubine/house-servant-who's-willing-to-accept-this-arrangement' combo that @4 and others describe is just as mythical a creature as the Unicorn, but for the sake of clarity, she should really be given her own name. How about Golemette?
May 21, 2014
commented on The New York Times Weighs In on the Kudzu-Like Spread of Trigger Warnings
Dan: You're wrong to assume that a writer sensitive enough to use a trigger warning for rape and sexual violence will only be writing about rape and sexual violence 'in a sensitive manner', because oftentimes it isn't merely their own writing that's part of their piece. A writer may include a trigger warning when the material they're going to discuss features quotes or descriptions from other people or source material.
There are absolutely an endless number of things that could trigger memories and emotional/anxiety responses in people and these can't be predicted, but we know that there are common themes that trigger survivors of emotional/physical/spiritual abuse, and rape and sexual abuse.
And screw Sherman Alexie if he thinks that trigger warnings are 'censorship'.
Apr 22, 2014
commented on It's Been A Couple of Days—How Are You Feeling About That Game of Thrones Rape Scene?
Given how rapey the books are (and child-rapey, since all of the characters are at least 5 years younger in the book than they're presented in the HBO series), it's surprising why they've felt the need to make the show so much more rapey. In the book, Daenerys' wedding night is not at all how it it's presented in the show, and the desperate sex between Jaime and Cersei at near Joffrey's corpse is fraught, but consensual.