Sep 20, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Can't Live If Living Is Without You
@65, I've been with someone for 12 years who had major depression for about half that time. Things got very, very unbalanced in our relationship and we both believed that he couldn't live without me (and couldn't work, couldn't function, etc). Too much pressure for me and I repeatedly escaped into emotional flings with others. A couple of years of Gottman method therapy have turned the situation around for us and what was going on now looks very, very different to me. I can see how much I was undermining him by fostering the inequality, and the ways I was covertly getting my needs met inside and outside the relationship in quite damaging ways without really understanding or being responsible for the impact. No doubt that doesn't sound like you to you - it wouldn't have sounded like me to me of a couple of years ago either. But having both worked really hard on our crap, we're now very satisfied together, he's studying and motivating himself, has nursed *me* through an extended period of illness, and we're excited to be expecting a baby. I'm not saying any of that is necessarily possible for your relationship, but it makes total sense to me when people see apparently non-functioning partners move on just fine after a break-up. Dysfunction happens relationally, as well as individually. In an unequal relationship there are pay-offs for both parties, and we are all blind to our own bullshit. Don't be too sure that you know everything about yourself yet - *especially* if you have had other major caretaker-type relationships in your life,
Sep 14, 2014
commented on What Would Katy Perry Do?
Can we say ixnay on the cute pedophilic gestures with underage boys? Gross on Iggy Azalea, gross on Katy Perry, and I'm fucking setting fire to someone if it turns into a 'thing'.
Sep 9, 2014
commented on Working Mom Going to Prison for Getting Her Teen Daughter an Abortion
@72 "This "culture wars" stuff doesn't have an end point. It's a bait-and-switch -- they get right wingers all riled up trying to enforce their version of "old fashioned" values, and then take all their money while they're not paying attention. Meanwhile, on our side, we spend all our energy fighting to preserve basic human rights that should never be on the table in the first place, and we don't have anything left over to fight for economic justice."
That's really astute.
Jul 17, 2014
commented on Savage Love
What @39 said. People who really, really love their animals often really, really love other people who love their animals too. It's a great way to bond.
As a cat lover, I basically found that partners who disliked cats or didn't dig my cat/s were automatically less attractive, and not long-term partner material. Now my partner and I are equally crazy about our cat, and she's like a conduit for heaps of warmth between us.
Apr 19, 2014
commented on The $15 Movement Lays Down Its Trump Card: A Ballot Measure
@43 That is one of the most foully disingenuous comments I've read on this whole subject - have a shit medal! What do you think happens to the people who can't afford rent and bills at the moment, despite their full time jobs? Do you have any imagination for what the personal and social consequences are when a whole tier of society has to choose between rent, heat and food, and still get to work the next day? You're saying wage increases equate to 'just giving' money to landlords and utilities companies. You can only say that by utterly erasing any interest in the people who are primarily affected by this, who would BUY rent and power with the money that they should be PAID for their labor. Shame on you.
It's actually a great advantage of the $15 plan that the raise is significant enough that it will take *some* over the poverty line far enough to provide some discretionary. This has strong potential to stimulate the local economy while lifting those who are worst off into a liveable situation.