Thank you for your apology earlier. Now I'm going to criticize your @202. Hopefully respectfully.
You say that you get "steamed" when men say "there's no place for us in feminism". First, it's not my job to perceive Feminism as a movement that has a place for me. If Feminism wants me to perceive it as an movement that has a place for me, it's Feminism's responsibility to make itself an attractive place for people like me. To put this in perspective, if many "women of colour" didn't feel that Feminism had a place for them, you wouldn't be angry at the "women of colour", you'd start thinking about what Feminism was doing wrong. The fact that if I replace [women of colour] with [white men] in that sentence, you blame the men, is a reflection on you, not on men who don't think Feminism has a place for us.
The fact is that Feminism does not owe people like me anything, and, conversely, I don't think we have a meaningful place in it. And those things are both OK. But if you're going to get angry because I don't feel I have a place in a movement whose members regularly use me as a synonym for "Evil" because of my genitals, skin colour, and sexual orientation, you're going to spend a lot of time being angry.
I disagree that Feminism is about equality because my experience of Feminism strongly contradicts that. I'm aware of the definition you have for yourselves. But MRA's also define themselves as being pro-equality, and you (collectively) don't take that at face value: rather most feminists I know seem to view MRA's as similar to Orcs, except with less moral ambiguity. (I had no idea that the acronym "MRA" could be hissed before I heard a feminist pronounce it!) If you're allowed to not accept MRAs' self-definition, why do we have to accept your self-definition when it contradicts our lived experience?
And no, the situation of middle class white women is not remotely analogous to that of "people of colour". There's (lots of!) objective evidence that black people in the US are worse off than white people in the US. Black people have lower incomes than white people, they have lower life expectancies than white people, they have worse educational outcomes than white people, Black men are, per capita, more likely to be imprisoned or shot by police than white men, etc. etc. etc. There may be a demographic variable where US blacks are better off than US whites, but I don't know of it. Whereas with women vs. men the stats are a mixed bag. Better off on some stats, worse off on others.
Incidentally, Ally Fogg, a columnist for the Guardian who has a considerably more sympathetic view of feminism than I do, has a thoughtful essay on why he doesn't identify as a feminist: