Apr 7, 2011
commented on Dan Savage Is Coming For—For! Not On!—Your Children!
I'm one of those rare people that has only had one partner. We've been together for 14 years. I also happen to be gay. My relationship has outlasted every one of straight friends' marriages. I'm aware it's rare, even among straight people.
I consider it to be as much a matter of chance as choice. Considering the chances of finding a person you're highly compatible when you're limited to maybe 2% of the population to begin with, it's like finding a needle in a haystack. I've placed such a high value on that find, that I feel no need to look for anyone else.
But I get that this is rare...to "hit the jackpot" so to speak so soon out of the gate. I'd never advise someone to stick with someone they're not really compatible with for the sake of maintaining some tradition. People shouldn't make sacrifices that make them miserable. People should make sacrifices when the payoff is bigger than the sacrifice...sacrifices that make them happier than they would be if they didn't sacrifice.
Feb 3, 2011
commented on Savage Love
If CWJBF actually started dating that girl it would probably ruin the friendship anyway because she's probably not bisexual.
Go ahead, call me biphobic. That term is used so much it's lost all meaning. But the likelihood of a girl being bisexual for only one girl is really low.
There is such a thing as non-sexual "romantic friendships." (See: Gayle and Oprah) And when it's between two straight people it may seem more clear cut that it's not sexual. But when one is gay, it creates a possibility of it being more.
Those of us who know we have a same-sex sexual attraction, whether we're gay or bi, have a clearer understanding of the difference between a friendly non-sexual attraction (even if it's really intense) and a "WOW that person is HOT, I wanna (insert sexy thoughts here)." We have to because it's part of the coming out process.
Straight girls get confused, probably because they've been exposed to one too many romantic comedies that downplay sexual attraction and highlight personality compatibility. When they say "I'd go gay, just for you" or "that one person" it's only true up to the point it becomes sexual. Then they're no longer interested. They're not even thinking about sex. They're thinking "gosh, we're so compatible we should be together and and...be compatible all the time! We'd be happy and never fight because we're such good friends!"
Oct 2, 2010
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Almost Sorry
To Christian folk: Instead of lecturing gays about how gays perceive Christianity due to what we have experienced, you should be spending your efforts lecturing your Christian friends, your Christian relatives and your Church for how they treat gays. That's very nice that not all of you are anti-gay, but your religious leaders are teaching heterosexism. You need to change your religion because we cannot change the pain it has brought on us. Walk the walk and take the stake out of your own eye. Humble yourselves and stop trying to exalt yourselves. You are the one's choosing to be Christian. Since I am no longer Christian, I actually have no obligation to abide by Love Thy Neighbor. I don't have a belief system that tells me I am required to forgive. YOU DO.
Aug 27, 2010
commented on I'm Sorry, But...
"Because you've been in that church to know what is preached, right?"
Most gays grow up Christian. Through my entire gay childhood, I knew that my Mother believed gays were going to hell. Even though the Church didn't spend lots of time on it, just knowing that in my faith being homosexuality was a sin was enough to make me feel like a damaged piece of shit kid. I worry about gay kids because of my own experience as a Christian. I'm not just assuming what gay kids in Church feel.
I can't not take it personally when people compare my loving 13-year-long relationship with adultery and obesity. Sins are sins because they're harmful actions. That's the accusation...that I'm harming someone or myself. I'm loving someone who loves me. That's not harmful.
That's great that some evangelical Christians can compromise and say gays and lesbians have a right to equality. Yay progress or whatever. But I don't forgive or even like people who think I'm a sinner for being gay. And since there are no thought-police I'm free to think that people who think homosexuality is a sin are sinning for thinking homosexuality is a sin. You get what you give.