Pittsburgh, PA
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27 year old non-gendered pansexual psych PhD student. woot.

queerness is goofin off.
Jul 10, 2013 queerness updated his or her location.
Jul 10, 2013 queerness updated his or her bio.
Jul 10, 2013 queerness commented on PGP: "Wise in theory but obnoxious in practice.".
As someone who prefers neutral pronouns, but recognizes that it's hard to change a lifetime of lingual habit, I often tell new people to use whatever neutral pronoun works for *them*. It tends to go down easier and sticks better than insisting on one particular (yet arbitrary) neutral. Since they often find themselves at a loss to come up with any neutral pronoun (thank you English), I tend to suggest ey/em/eir because it seems easiest to grasp. It's just they/them/their with the "th" dropped off (and one would trade "are" for "is" in the sentence). Ey is going to the store. I like em. That's eir dungeon.

I also only bother to broach the use of neutrals with those I grow close to. Once I do, I try to keep in mind that it will likely still be hard for them to use neutrals. It only really gets to me when someone makes a fuss about saying how ey will be so sure to use the neutrals and then never does; I'd really just prefer ey say "I'll do my best" and we can leave it at that. I have caught myself applying a (perhaps unfair) higher standard to other genderqueer people however; it stings when I don't get neutrals from them.

In the end though, I must say that people who start off with asking my preferred pronoun, and those who pick up a neutral and use it consistently, warm a very special place in my heart.
Feb 13, 2013 queerness commented on Savage Love.
DUD, you can also couch the safe sex convo in these terms- "I don't trust the schools to give you a comprehensive education on this stuff, so we're going to have an uncomfortable conversation right now but it will be vital to you and your friend's health. And because your friends might not get this same education and might end up having questions or confiding in you one day, I'm going to tell you how both opposite and same sex couples can be safe, so you have the information for yourself and anyone in your life who you want to be safe too."
Mar 9, 2012 queerness commented on SL Letter of the Day: Minor Dispute.
@ankylosaur- You seem to be arguing that an ideal sexual relationship (healthy, happy, consensual) could indeed exist between a minor/child and an adult. I believe that is entirely possible- in an ideal world. However, we do not live in such, and while some of the aspects that are less than ideal can be addressed and improved, other very practical ones cannot.

It’s hard to argue against healthy, happy, consensual sex activities. However, if society made a “space” for these kinds of activities/relationships, it would not stop child abuse from taking place. And unfortunately, creating a “gray area” where in some contexts (healthy, happy, consensual) sex acts with young people are ok while in other other contexts (unhealthy, coercion) they are not may only make distinguishing the two harder. How do we tell the difference between a child who has consented and one who has been coerced? Can you imagine a child at their rape trial hearing arguments that they asked for it, or that they were willing then but are lying now? I am not willing to put a child through that horror just to make some "actually ok" sex acts (happy, healthy, consensual) legally ok (all adults & minors).

Teaching a child good sexual and self preservation habits still does nothing to address the power imbalance that is inherent in all adult/child relationships. Maybe this child would be empowered to say no, and then report it if the worst happened, but then the child would somehow have to prove that the rape/molestation (as opposed to a consensual act or nothing at all) occurred. Taking the hard line against any and all sex acts with minors removes this problem. And because the bottom line is that there is absolutely no need for minors and adults to engage in sex acts together, both can do without and stick with age-similar partners.

Of course the ideal of happy healthy sex acts between any consenting partners is better than our current system which does punish and cause harm to those who don’t deserve it. But when you take that ideal and try and enact it in the real world you find it is bound to another ideal- that the difference between consensual and coerced sex acts would be as plain as day and night and visible to all so there would never be any question whether someone had indeed been assaulted or not. That second ideal can never be realized, so we do what we can with our imperfect system to minimize pain. Which pain is greater, that adults and minors have to avoid sexual relations with each other, or that a child might be raped and then further harassed through a trial and then may or may not ever be believed or have justice? My personal answer to that question is “protect the kids, everyone (kids & adults) can get their rocks off another way”.

Jul 21, 2011 queerness commented on Stephen Colbert: It Gets Better.
he's lucky his friend wasn't shot and the killer let off because his friend had been "acting sexually aggressive"
Apr 26, 2011 queerness commented on SL Letter of the Day: Former Wife, Current Pain Slut.
@35- go Cave Johnson!
Apr 20, 2011 queerness commented on Savage Love.
sooo sick of how it seems like so many fetishes are immediately linked to mental/familial issues. lactating fetish = mommy issues? give me a break
Jan 31, 2011 queerness commented on Dept. of Stopped Clocks.
My two cents:

A) this commercial perpetuates the "men in drag" misconception about transpeople at a time when so many people still don't even know that it's a misconception. When it opens with "I'm a dude who...", that's just plain wrong. It is hard for me to conceive of a transitioning transexual who would refer to theirself by the wrong gender.

B) for those who are saying that the skit is making fun of awkward commercials, why does so much of the humor of the skit revolve around the appearance of the transexuals? why didn't they feminize their male actors or use before&after shots in which the transexuals actually transitioned into feminine appearing women? they didn't do that because if they did then the skit would actually look like just a proper commercial for a new kind of hormone therapy. watch it again, only imagine the actors looking like women instead of men in drag. suddenly there's no more humor and its just a commercial about hormones! so yes, this skit was entirely about making fun of the appearance of transexuals
Jan 18, 2011 queerness commented on Confidential to Students at the University of Maryland.
oh, and how/when do we get you our questions?!