myStrangerFace Yeah, it's a copy of that.

Libya

Refresh

Mar 21, 2012 Libya commented on Savage Love.

Yay for natural menstrual sponges! I used one for many years, and found that it worked way, way better than tampons, and was only a fraction of the cost. A win-win situation. You can purchase large hunks of sea sponge at a craft or paint store - they are sold for faux painting, but who says you have to paint with them? Then I would use regular scissors to cut off a piece that fit comfortably, rinse it in water to soften it, squeeze out and insert. It always went in much more easily and painlessly than a dry tampon. Then I just removed, rinsed and reinserted as needed. I did not try to sterilize the sponge, and never had any problems with infections. The vagina is actually self cleaning, so sterility is less of an issue than you might think. And besides, the sponge gets to dry out completely in the 3 weeks between periods, which means that any bacteria would not survive. I imagine you could soak it in bleach for a few minutes, but I never found that necessary. The only thing that stopped my love affair with my sponge was menopause, but I still have fond memories ...

Jul 14, 2011 Libya commented on Savage Love.

I have to say that my first thought when I read C&S's letter was that the father might be incesting or might have incested the little brother. About 10% of boys are sexually abused, most abusers are family members - so it's very possible. But whatever the situation - erotic fantasy or sexual abuse - all that C& S can do is let his little brother know that he's there for him, with love and no judgment, in whatever ways he can. Whichever situation it is, it's very delicate. If the little brother is being incested, then this is a very serious trauma that could affect him for the rest of his life, and it would be incredibly helpful if he got some love and support.

Jun 19, 2011 Libya commented on Savage Love.

Dear NIC, I really feel for you though my situation is a little different - I too am not able to have sex at the moment - any moves in that direction and I freeze in panic and it is totally out of the question. At some point I started to regain memories of having been raped as a toddler, and it's clear that my panic is a kind of PTSD from that event. It was a great relief to get a reason and a diagnosis! I am currently working with a great therapist and things are improving slowly. I think Dan's suggestion to see a therapist is right on - I'd suggest someone who specializes in working with trauma, just in case you have some kind of sexual abuse trauma that you don't yet know about. I wish you all the very best - hang in there, you are not alone.

Oct 21, 2010 Libya joined My Stranger Face

Oct 21, 2010 Libya commented on Savage Love.

My heart really goes out to you PTSD. I have had a very difficult time myself after being savagely raped by a 'friend', and then finding that the trauma was totally triggered by my husband, and that I was simply unable to turn off the sexual freeze. It was certainly not a matter of choice. Who would live with the horror of PTSD if they actually did have a choice? Anyway, it has taken a lot of therapy to get to the point where I am no longer triggered by his touch - hopefully sex will be next.

Besides therapy and an understanding husband, what has helped me the most has been to research PTSD, so I could understand why I was acting the way I was, and also to read the stories of other rape survivors. I highly recommend 'Denial' by Jessica Stern-really helpful.

Dan, I hope you might also get some more info about rape PTSD. In my experience it's a different order of difficulty than the usual relationship difficulties, because it's mediated by a primitive part of the brain that's not under conscious control. I thought you were kinda harsh on PTSD. If anyone had accused me of being cruel to my husband it would have only added to the trauma, shame and guilt I was already feeling. It would have added another layer to what was already a really difficult recovery.

More...