Jul 24, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
@283 I agree for the most part, which is why I kind of wish there was a legal way for parents to agree on split custody in the case of a divorce when the child is born.

Still "what's in the best interests of the child" is a phrase often echoed despite the fact that the concept which is simple in theory changes radically person to person when they're asked how to put it into policy/action. In California they're considering passing a law to make parental rights available to more than the biological/legal guardians of a child.

In another state a woman fought to get custody of her children and lost it only because she found out she was terminally ill with cancer. Now her children have to move in with the father in a completely different state, away from their mother who only has years left to be with them.

So as you can see the idea of what's suitable for a child changes state to state, judge to judge. Plus financial resources play a big role in deciding custody. Women in America, despite only earning 75% of their male counterparts earnings and being taxed at a higher rate than their husbands, are very likely to end up paying child support AND alimony.



Jul 23, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
@256 No problem. I actually feel silly for even bringing up an issue about something that was a minor point in a larger arguement.
Jul 23, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
@EricaP The relationship dynamic you describe isn't just a really weird way to make a point about rape, but also very disturbing. Your hypothetical people don't just need therapy they need a divorce. They aren't even real partners to be honest, just two people paying each other with different currencies to fulfill assigned roles. Where there's fear true intimacy is always absent regardless of were your genitals are.

Or as Nietzsche put it:
"Are you a slave? Then you cannot be a friend. Are you a tyrant? Then you cannot have friends."

Now I'm not trying to attack all marriages/relationships were one partner is submissive and the other dominant. I think those are as valid as any other type of marriage/relationship as long as they both at some point consented to that dynamic (either by action or verbally) and find a healthy way to express it. You can't really consent to emotional or physical abuse, regardless of whether you stay or not.

Sorry, to just throw that out there, but out of that whole discussion that hypothetical couple was the most disturbing counterargument to me even though I agree with you, mydriasis, nocutename, and etc regarding the broader rape discussion. And also totally agree Prudie's LW is in the wrong.

And regarding intoxication/impairment plus sex; sure you may regret it, but it doesn't mean you get out of taking responsibility for your actions or in this case accepting them as your own. People do things they later regret or try to rewrite behavior as "not me" when they're angry, sad, tired & etc that they wouldn't do in their "normal" frame of mind but we still expect them to answer for it.
Jul 20, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
@114 Um...Damn. If I wasn't making minimum wage I'd totally donate money for the sole purpose of sending you to a brothel in Nevada. (Note: If you have the money DO NOT get a hooker in Vegas, ONLY hookers at licensed brothels a short trip outside Las Vegas are legal and routinely screened for sexual diseases.) As things are though, all I can say is I'm sorry that in the context of a LTR sexual partner your wife sucks.

I wonder if you can attach a sexual needs fufillment requirement into a prenup or marriage contract. Probably not, but someday?
Jul 9, 2012 mygash commented on That Pagan Baby Should Be—Gosh—In Her Forties Now, Right?.
I just love how the shinny little blond white child is baptizing those poor clueless non-whites with Gerbers oatmeal.

Reminds me that my favorite way to piss off my evangelical friend in high school was to tell her Jesus was black. So much fun. The only thing that's funnier is telling a christian Jesus was Jewish (no one's been able to convince me he wasn't yet). Just watch their faces, it's hilarious.
Jul 6, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
Just to throw this out there;

When these types of discussions come up it's easy for the two groups to talk around each other without really hearing what the other is saying.

And in cases like this it's very hard for a group that has very long detailed accounts of their oppression (in this case women) to concede that the more "dominant" group (aka men) in a society may need us to give them something or simply admit we're wrong in a cultural and sociological sense without feeling like they're trying to undermine the hard earned progress that's been made.

[I don't think anyone here is advocating that or that one of the other female commentators is suggesting that anyone thinks that, I'm just talking about a gut reaction]
Jul 6, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
"It's basically a version of "Mommy gave birth to you, and it hurt like hell, so you can never criticize her about anything". It's fucked up, and it sucks, and it can only contribute to adversarial relationships between the sexes."

Damn, guess I can't have my kids births' recorded onto DVD to pull out when they start acting up in their teens.(jk)
Jul 6, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
Regarding the suffering of males in American society (which I completely agree is a very real thing), I had a lot of male friends and acquaintances in high school plus a brother close to my age so I thought I had a pretty good idea of some of the baggage that came with manhood. Then one day at the library I stumbled upon a book by a lesbian who pretended to be a man for a year. Needless to say I spent most of the book feeling a mixture of denial, shock, sadness, and guilt (she helped by including some light comical commentary and some deep personal moments).

Jul 6, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
@mydriasis, Thanks.
Jul 6, 2012 mygash commented on Savage Love.
I know this is off topic and I apologize, but...
@120 brought up something that's been bothering me for awhile by mentioning this;

"...it's also good to have a period in your life when you have lots of casual sex so that you don't look back with regret, or resent your future partner for holding you back from the libertine life you wish you'd led."

I've dated a few dudes and had a FWB, but no NSA. Now I doubt I'll be pulling my hair out or anything like that twenty years from now. It's just, does not having that kind of experience hurt your ability to sexually satisfy a partner? And is there a way to make up for it (w/o the NSA obviously)? I'm only asking cause I want to date again, but I don't know how obvious/bad my lack of experience will be since I'm at an age where I'm suppose to be well versed and I don't have the Virginity-bump holding me back.