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Allen Gilliam

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Feb 11

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

More useful advice for getting a girl to "give up her ass" would be to ease her into it: Explain that it can enhance her pleasure, watch anal porn with her, let her use a small dildo on herself with plenty of lube, have her wear a butt plug during vaginal, and let her get on top the first time so she doesn't have to worry about it hurting.

Feb 22, 2011

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

It sounds like RT is a religious nut who's never had good sex. Her profession is to council teen girls against sex. She tells them that they need "to put desire aside and think about what I've said." Anti-sex religious nut.

Jan 9, 2011

Allen Gilliam commented on SAVAGE LOVE.

A rape fantasy and low interest in sex are strong indicators of sexual repression: guilt and/or fear connected to sex. Specifically, the rape fantasy is a way to avoid triggering guilt and/or fear of wanting and enjoying sex. If she's being forced, then she doesn't have to admit that she wants or likes sex. That admission would make her feel negative emotions. Indulging in the fantasy may increase UBOES's girlfriend's enjoyment of sex, but will not address the deeper problem: bad emotional programming. Dr. Fulbright is right, she would benefit from sex counseling, but she could also educate herself about therapy for sexual inhibitions. Her enjoyment of sex will be hampered as long as she needs fantasy tricks to get around bad emotions connected to sex.

Dec 28, 2010

Allen Gilliam updated the link to his or her website.

Dec 28, 2010

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

TO BLOWJOB: One of the reasons guys don't cum from blow jobs is their needing to be dominant, to be in control. If you like being in control from time to time, BLOWJOB, you may just not be fully sexually compatible with your guy. You could try letting him fuck your face. He'd hold your head and do all the moving. He may also be helped by you being tied up while you blow him, or doing some role-playing fantasy that gives him power. For example, pretend that he's blackmailing you into blowing him. You can also try to encourage him to accept you being in control. Let him know that you don't buy into the macho stereotype and you won't think any less of him if he lets you make him loose control and cum. Deprogramming sexual blocks and inhibitions is a slow process, but possible.

Nov 28, 2010

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

Just because 75 percent of women can't climax from intercourse alone doesn't mean it isn't due to a sex-hating Christian upbringing. The percentage has nothing to do with whether it's psychological or physiological. That study was of women in the United States. Given how Christian the US is, and how frequently people still feel ashamed about sex even after rejecting religion, 75 percent seems unsurprising.

Nov 18, 2010

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

I doubt Dan's theory about people eroticizing fears. There are lots of common fears that are never eroticized. Perhaps the reason some women find rape fantasies more exciting than consensual sex is because it allows them to get around a narrowly defined shame of green-lighting sex. If they're being forced, then they don't have to feel ashamed of allowing themselves to be fucked. Less shame equals more pleasure. Applying this psychological framework to cuckolding, it could be that the guy is ashamed of giving women pleasure. He wants to see his girl in the throes of passion, but if he isn't the one doing it, there's more pleasure for him because there's less shame.

Nov 17, 2010

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

Dan was completely wrong about fantasizing about fucking someone when they were alive after they've died. Masturbation is all about fantasy. There's no reason not to fantasize about what it would have been like to fuck a person in the past who is now dead. There's nothing creepy about imagining yourself as JFK fucking Marilyn Monroe in the White House or taking Mae West up on her offer to come up and see her some time. The reason masturbating to photos of Anna Nicole Smith seemed creepy to MAN was because she had died RECENTLY. You can't help thinking about the death when someone has just died. Once you get used to the death, it'll stop seeming creepy.

Nov 16, 2010

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

There are lots of professions that involve pain for pay. Nobody would say that it's unethical to watch pro football because the players suffer pain to get a paycheck. It's their free choice. But somehow when sex gets thrown into the mix, people start getting all moral. Whether she realizes it or not, I think HELP's problem is more about her disapproval of this type of sexual pleasure than about pain for pay.

Nov 15, 2010

Allen Gilliam commented on Savage Love.

It sounds to me like the rape made PTSD realize that she didn't want to have sex with her husband anymore. It made her realize that she was doing it just because she was married to him and not because she wanted to. The marriage sex is too much like rape for her to tolerate it after actually being raped. She should try to figure out what's gone wrong with her marriage, and if it can't be fixed, she needs to end it and be with the boyfriend. Your true feelings are far more important than a piece of paper at the courthouse.