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Sep 18, 2014 sfgurl commented on SL Letter of the Day: Can't Live If Living Is Without You.
Oh my gosh, I was in this relationship too, with a bipolar II man who only worsened while we were together. One day he up and walked out on me, and it was the first good thing he'd done for me in three years.

People who have not been in this kind of situation don't understand how very, very hard it is to leave someone who doesn't seem to be able to care for himself. But you know, on the day he left me, somehow my husband, who was agoraphobic the last year of our marriage, managed to walk out that door and onto a bus and a subway to stay with a friend. Twelve years later, he's still out there, doing his thing and managing to support himself...without me.

It's okay to leave. You don't have to consign yourself to caregiver status for life. You're not even necessarily making things better. I know that I, with all my earnest efforts to help my husband stabilize, didn't help him at all. And he certainly didn't thank me for what I was doing for him, either.

If you haven't done so already, I urge you to check out your local NAMI chapter for their peer-to-peer group, where you learn a lot about all facets of mental illness in a supportive environment with other caregivers of people with mental illness. www.nami.org. There are chapters in most counties.
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Apr 11, 2013 sfgurl commented on Savage Love Episode 337.
On the nudity, my dad was only occasionally naked around me, on his way from shower to bedroom, and as a teenager I objected and he stopped. No big deal all around. But I think families vary hugely in their standards and I wouldn't have fussed about it as much as Dan did.
Apr 4, 2013 sfgurl commented on John Corvino: Sodom and Gomorrah.
*Sigh* John Corvino, I just love you! You keep on makin' those videos. They are great. Wish I was a gay guy instead of a straight girl so I could make a play for you. :)
Mar 29, 2013 sfgurl commented on Savage Love.
I agree with @55 and @65—go ahead and get your brother laid, but don't get your hopes up that this is going to fix anything. If your brother wants to move forward with his life, he should be aggressively working on his anxiety with cognitive behavioral therapy. I know the LW says he's made progress...but he hasn't made so much progress that he can take care of getting to a prostitute himself. You're having to prop him up to do it. I would say, "hey bro, I really am behind you on this desire. What are the plans you're making to do it?" not "Okay, I've got to take care of this for you." I speak as the former wife of an agoraphobic man. They have to be the change themselves.
Mar 19, 2013 sfgurl commented on Savage Love Episode 334.
Did I miss something on the guy who had STIs? Does he have proof that the last girlfriend is the one who infected him? What if he already had these STIs and he also infected her unknowingly? I thought Dan would start with that. The caller didn't say he was a virgin before that relationship so...how does he know for sure it was that girlfriend?
Jan 29, 2013 sfgurl commented on Savage Love Episode 327.
For the woman with chronic yeast and urinary infections:

First, just double checking on whether these have been documented each time. Do you feel pain and then go get meds? Or do you pee in the cup/get checked for yeast and have the infection definitively proved first? I ask because in my experience, the pain from yeast can feel like a UTI and vice versa--and my doctors have on occasion taken my word for an infection and then we realized later I didn't have one, or that I had a UTI, not a yeast infection.

Second, have you used diflucan pills? I eventually realized that the topical yeast meds were causing irritation that would last 1-2 weeks after the infection was gone. Plus, as I hit my late 20s, I found I was getting more and more yeast infections. Then diflucan came out, and after 2-3 doses over the next few years, I stopped getting yeast infections. I felt like it really cleared things out.

Last, are you sure you're having pain from infections, rather than other kinds of pelvic pain? I have lichen sclerosis, a painful condition that affects only my clitoris. My regular ob/gyn didn't recognize it; you need a pelvic pain specialist. You may have something else. But I think if you're getting into that horrible fear-pain loop with sex (been there) it's worth talking to a pelvic pain specialist. They know so much more than a regular doc.

Basically: keep investigating. Make sure you are correctly diagnosed, and look into other ways to treat. Good luck!
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Oct 16, 2012 sfgurl commented on Savage Love Episode 312.
The last comment for the grieving young woman was beautiful. All three people who called in to offer her support were wonderful, but I thought the third woman was amazing.
Aug 2, 2012 sfgurl commented on Savage Love Episode 301.
I felt so bad for the woman who cried after her cuckolding fantasies. Honey, don't worry about it. You never have to do that stuff. They're just fantasies, and they're what get you over the edge so you can come. Just leave it at that. Lots of us have fantasies of things that are not something we want to do in real life. These things do not make us bad people. It would be GREAT if we could all get off on fantasies of something lovey-dovey, something totally vanilla that involves only our own partner...but many of us can't. I bet your fantasies will evolve a bit over time as your libido gets bored with one scenario and moves on to another. I bet they're always been in this general vein, however.

I think Dan spends waaay to much time in these conversations going over and over the fantasies and talking about how they can one day be realized. Let it go, both caller and Dan. They are what they are: a fleeting series of images that pushes us over the edge into orgasm.
Jun 27, 2012 sfgurl commented on Savage Love Episode 297.
Oh caller with the pain! I am so sorry to hear about this. I too have had problems with pain. Absolutely get yourself to a pelvic pain specialist. There are lots of conditions that can cause pain with sex and there is treatment, including physical therapists who specialize in this kind of issue. Your average ob/gyn doesn't know jack about this stuff. They will act like it doesn't even exist.

I went to my ob/gyn with persistent clitoral pain (OUCH!) and she just looked at it and went oh, there's nothing there. The pelvic pain specialist was down the hall from her in the same program. What an idiot. In my case, I have lichen sclerosis. Occasionally I have also had a sneaky bacterial infection that has caused serious, stabbing pain in my vagina as well. Although lichen sclerosis is not curable, it is manageable and generally my pain is okay these days. I think most of the other diagnoses have better prognoses than mine, so buck up!

You sound to me like you have some kind of muscle spasm issue, but I'm just one more armchair quack. Get to someone who knows this stuff. Be persistent. You want to see a specialist who's seen this kind of thing a million times. Good luck, sister.
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Jun 27, 2012 sfgurl commented on Savage Love.
@56 I second you. I'd get her something really simple to start, and not expensive, so there's no pressure to "have" to like it. JimmyJane's iconic smoothie is the kind of vibrator I started with. It's only $16.

And while we're talking JimmyJane vibrators, we just got the Form 3 and I am having every-time hands-free orgasms during penetration for the first time in my life. You can fit it between your bodies quite easily. I'd just like to take a moment to applaud the very good people at JimmyJane who made this possible. I never thought I'd have this experience. Testimonial over.
 

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