May 19, 2012
redpanda commented on Savage Love.
Thanks, EricaP. I don't feel ethically bound to stay faithful, and I have spent some time getting to know people in my local BDSM community. I have come to feel that whatever I want there is someone out there who wants the same thing. But it is hard to find someone over 40 interested in a part time relationship who wants friendship first, not just to act out their own sexual fantasies, and recently it hasn't seemed worth the time and energy.
May 19, 2012
redpanda commented on Savage Love.
WHIP:
From my experience, I urge you to stand up for what you want. I had a sexual awakening in my late 40s, and my husband was uninterested. It was partly my fault--he had been gracious about not pressuring me for sex during a long healing process. But I expected him to be so happy when I was enthusiastic again. Some of what I wanted to do he would not try (anything to do with pain). He would try different positions, and then tell me that they didn't do anything for him. He stopped me when I tried oral sex on him; he didn't like it. I think a lot of the problem was that he was conditioned to his hand, but he claimed to like PIV sex in the one position and rhythm that worked for him (and in the afternoon--sex at bedtime interfered with his evening routine).
I didn't have enough confidence that I had the right to my wants, and we still had kids at home. My awakening gradually faded away in the face of his disinterest. When we reached empty nest I pushed hard for us to work on our relationship. I had changed a lot in my healing process and he had no interest in change or growth. Then six months later he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and the beginnings of dementia (at age 63). Now it is too late I wish I had pushed for what I wanted earlier. And/or left him while I could.
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From my experience, I urge you to stand up for what you want. I had a sexual awakening in my late 40s, and my husband was uninterested. It was partly my fault--he had been gracious about not pressuring me for sex during a long healing process. But I expected him to be so happy when I was enthusiastic again. Some of what I wanted to do he would not try (anything to do with pain). He would try different positions, and then tell me that they didn't do anything for him. He stopped me when I tried oral sex on him; he didn't like it. I think a lot of the problem was that he was conditioned to his hand, but he claimed to like PIV sex in the one position and rhythm that worked for him (and in the afternoon--sex at bedtime interfered with his evening routine).
I didn't have enough confidence that I had the right to my wants, and we still had kids at home. My awakening gradually faded away in the face of his disinterest. When we reached empty nest I pushed hard for us to work on our relationship. I had changed a lot in my healing process and he had no interest in change or growth. Then six months later he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and the beginnings of dementia (at age 63). Now it is too late I wish I had pushed for what I wanted earlier. And/or left him while I could.
Sep 15, 2011
redpanda commented on Pat Robertson Urges Man to Divorce, Abandon Sick Wife.
I came over here to try to get this to Dan's attention, only to find he had already written about it. If you want to listen to the clip go to: http://www.cbn.com/media/player/index.as…
I had the same impression Dan had, that Robertson advocates divorce because having sex outside of marriage would be worse. Pretty messed up values. Someone who is abandonned in a nursing home has a much worse life than someone who has a family member visiting often and advocating for them.
I had the same impression Dan had, that Robertson advocates divorce because having sex outside of marriage would be worse. Pretty messed up values. Someone who is abandonned in a nursing home has a much worse life than someone who has a family member visiting often and advocating for them.
Dec 24, 2010
redpanda updated his or her location.
Dec 24, 2010
redpanda updated his or her bio.
Dec 24, 2010
redpanda joined My Stranger Face
Dec 24, 2010
redpanda commented on Savage Love.
I loved the answer to MOM because I am in a somewhat parallel situation. My husband wasn't horrible when the kids were young, just very off in his own world (due to ADHD). Now he has Parkinson's disease and the beginning of dementia. I don't choose to leave--somebody has to take care of him and there is nobody but me and two kids in college. But it hasn't been a marriage in more than 2 years, and there are parts of me that didn't get a chance to grow long before that. I'm trying to hold off from an affair for another year, until he is more out of it and our kids are a little more mature. My daughter told me how much she trusts me, and I hate the thought of either breaking that trust or putting her in a situation where she feels caught in the middle.
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Her pediatrician said adults sometimes complain about reduced sex drive, so he at least clued her in but was dismissive about it as a problem for teenagers. She doesn't talk to me about her sex life but she is still with the same boyfriend. The doctor was fairly strong in his recommendation that she should stay on it no less and no more than a year; that studies show the lowest relapse rate that way. It worked for her.
The Zoloft did raise my LDL cholesterol 30 points or more. I chose to go off it (tapering down very slowly) and when I was retested my LDL was right back where it had been before taking it. My doctor seemed somewhat convinced by my numbers and the small study I had found, but she said she had never heard of that before. So I think the problem with side effects not being taken seriously is much broader than the sexual.