Sep 19, 2011
commented on Savage Love
To NCWTD - from a moms perspective.
I just has been talking to my daughter about some of the things NCWTD is worried about.
About pregnancy worries my suggestion was:
1. "Just say No to unprotected sex. Take your boyfriend condom shopping. Choose fun condoms to try. Use different brand each time. Buy them with your own money... whatever. But don't allow entering your vagina without protection. By the way, there is no need to get into arguments. Be nice but firm! Figuring out birth control is sooooo much easier than getting an abortion or having a child! Trust me - I done both.
2. Depending on the insurance situation of your parents, they might get you birth control. The best kind currently is the IUD. It's a little more expensive than the pill, but is more dependable and is cheaper in the long run. This is what I am planning to get my daughter.
3. Don't worry if your mom will get upset that you are having sex. She will be mad at first sure, but will get over it, I promise you. She will have to face the facts and figure out that helping you now will make sense, considering the consequences of NOT helping out. In fact, your mom might be pleased that you asked her for advice, and flattered that you thought she would understand. That is exactly how I felt.
4. Regarding blow job - maybe it seems weird but try looking at a few porn sites to learn to do a blow job. That would be a great investment in your relationship. (LOL I didn't make this suggestion to my daughter, but maybe I should!)
All the best to you!!! By the way, thanks for sharing your worries! I hope that you would get good suggestions from this discussion!
Jan 6, 2011
joined My Stranger Face
Jan 6, 2011
commented on Savage Love
Dan! Quite a few people here point out that the pill can have a very serious negative effect on the sex drive.
In fact, Dan, I recently picked up a book that you published 15 years ago (by the way, on the photo in that book you look exactly the same as now! Good for you!). So, in it you reprint your answer to a young girl who is thinking to start on the pill and wondering about its side effects. You tell her all the good stuff, like her breast will get bigger and she will be happier overall, etc.
Well, I started taking the pill in my late 30s. I came from a country, Russia, where its use was not widespread, so I was very excited to start it! Sadly, in a few years I started getting a feeling that sex does not excite me any more. Being now in my 40s, I thought - that's it, I am so old, I am pre-menopausal! When I asked my doctor, she agreed. She said - just a couple years more for you! (The doctor was probably in the same condition, because she was almost happy to greet me into menopausal realm!)
Naturally, our sex life with my husband became worse and worse, compounding other relationship issues and soon we got separated. At that point I stopped taking the pill, for the lack of need... And guess what? It all came back at once, and in a couple months I became as horny as I was when I was young! I started wearing red and looking at men straight in the eye.
Is it a sad story or a happy one? I guess it's happy for me, but sooo bad for hundreds of other women who take the pill and may be in my position!!! Now I am reconnected with my husband, but it took a few years. During that time which were my "cougar" phase, I've been with so many young men, in their 20s and 30s, whose wives/girlfriends don't have any sex drives! These are all good men who were forced to cheat, their lives are so miserable! I suppose many women who went on the pill in their teens/early 20s didn't even have a chance to become real sexual beings... True, the pill gets the pregnancy rate down but at what cost?!
I will never suggest the pill to my teenage daughter. Thankfully there are other options available, such as safer IUDs.
Dan, it would be such a service to humanity if you could bring this to everyone attention in your column. I bet you are the only one who would dare to do so!!