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Jan 18, 2011 BrooklynM commented on SL Letter of the Day: Peace On The Side.
@59 You're correct, Dan doesn't like to give permission in advance for cheating without grounds (though I can imagine situations where he would, e.g., 'Dan, I'm 45, I've been faithful for ten years, and I have the opportunity to sleep with someone whom I will soon be unable to attract without paying for it. I promise to be safe and never see them again after this. Can I cheat, just this once?'). This is another difference between his approach and seandr's: Dan is backward-looking (it's okay to have cheated, so don't keep beating yourself up for it) where seandr is forward-looking (it's okay to cheat, so go for it). People who share seandr's perspective and still agree to monogamous commitments baffle me; I don't know what else to assume than that they have no respect for their partner and want to feel free to fuck whomever they choose while being fairly certain their partner isn't doing the same.

And that is some solid, well-timed advice from Prudie.
Jan 18, 2011 BrooklynM commented on SL Letter of the Day: Peace On The Side.
@51 Dan has said that, especially if it is the context of the cheating partner giving in to temptation on VERY rare occasions and feeling guilty afterwards - if you slip up once or twice, don't contract any STIs, and don't want to make a habit of it, then you can do it and not tell or need to negotiate an open relationship. The difference between that attitude and seandr's (at least the part about seeking hot sex outside your marriage, not the bit about having a get-one-free card) is that seandr seems to be talking about semi-frequent, intentional cheating. Saying an infidelity or two over the course of a relationship isn't a big deal is not the same as saying infidelity is never a big deal.

I'm a woman who isn't into monogamy, but I think if I was then I would feel a difference between being cheated on a handful of times over a few decades and being cheated on a handful of times each month. The former is an example of someone trying hard and failing on rare occasion; the latter is someone who isn't trying at all and doesn't care about the supposed commitment we made.
Jan 10, 2011 BrooklynM joined My Stranger Face