Helenka (also a Canuck)
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♥ As a Gemini, I acknowledge many dualities of which woman/child and bold/timid are but… more »

Oct 21 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Fly In Coconut Ointment.
Another red flag for me would be the fact that they had enough money to buy a swing, but couldn't part with a few bucks to buy condoms!
Oct 15 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Column A and Column B.
@55, 56, 57, 58
I like to socialize and go out to see movies and bands, eat dinner with friends and family, and take trips away for leisure.
Mind you, that's HER own description of herself and she might be someone who leads an extrovert-to-the-max exhausting shallow whirlwind version of a life ... which means that she and he are extremely mismatched, even without his inability to clean up for her.

That is why I mentioned her possible fear of being alone as she ages. She's settling for him and that is sad. Even more than her acronym, SAD.
Oct 14 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Column A and Column B.
Some commenters have suggested that SAD's uncooperative partner's problems stem from severe introversion along with depression. I have a couple of other observations. Could he be somewhere on the spectrum and hasn't been socialized in one-on-one interactions? The other possibility? That he's displaying (stereotypically male) goal-oriented behaviour - as in, when the sex/his orgasm is over, then there's no need for him to hang around in the same bed for any reason. SAD is already resigned to having sex ONLY when he wants it, and even then only in positions where his mouth isn't in kissing proximity, so I can understand how frustrating it must be when she doesn't even get to cuddle as a sort of consolation prize.

Is SAD feeling the pressure of aging that she would lock herself into a pale reflection of what a mutually happy relationship should be. And I'm not referring to the not-bed-sharing per se ... but his only rarely sharing purely social activities means that SAD has a partner-in-name rather than one who would be dedicated to not only trying to meet her minimal and pretty traditional current desires but also to think about other new ways to please her.

I know my description of our problems make him sound unappealing but he is a kind, loving and thoughtful man who is a dear friend to me as well.

He might turn out to be someone's "ideal" partner, but he isn't SAD's. Unfortunately, he is NOT "thoughtful", not when she's forced to become Mom (normally the kiss of death in a romance) regarding vaping and dental hygiene. She's already exhibited a Pavlovian response to kissing him even after he brushed his teeth. SAD, reclaim your dignity and dwelling, try to salvage a "friendship" with him only if you want to, but don't try to redeem a relationship that's been mired in a sad pit for years.
Oct 3 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Does a Lesbian Bridesmaid Have to Suck Dick?.
@124 (PlaidWoman)

It's not only the members of the wedding party who must undertake a (significant) financial burden; nowadays, guests are expected to arrive with gift-in-hand (a cheque for about $200 per person to cover the cost of dinner, etc.).
Oct 3 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Does a Lesbian Bridesmaid Have to Suck Dick?.
@114, 115, 116 (Ricardo)

SLOG added all sorts of inconvenient features ... but where's that EDIT button that would simplify our ability to correct a comment? Probably in an alternate universe.
Oct 3 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Does a Lesbian Bridesmaid Have to Suck Dick?.
I've always considered these pre-wedding segregated parties to have one purpose only: to get drunk as quickly as possible and do stupid stuff. Which - to me - seems like a colossal waste of time and money. And that's not because I'm an old fuddy-duddy. But there seems to be an overriding need to have excessive amounts of alcohol on hand as a social lubricant or convenient amnesiac ("How drunk was I really?"). And, once again, I wonder why. So I can see how more than one person might be uncomfortable participating, say a recovering alcoholic.

I don't think that dick shapes would have been the extent of this particular party as many are held in male strip clubs ... gay male strip clubs, where management accepts bookings from raucous groups of women (because of the profit factor and steady business) while the strippers cringe knowing they'll be pawed by drunk women rather than the target gay or bi male clientele.

I've enjoyed reading about some integrated pre-wedding parties where the focus is on everyone having a terrific time doing something they find enjoyable. It can involve hiring a luxury bus and going on a tour of a local attraction or out to the countryside ... or a cheesy mystery dinner theatre private performance ... or a roller-skating rink where everybody can have a good-natured laugh at how uncoordinated they are ... or a bouncy castle for grown-ups (gee, I hope something like that exists) ... or, for something a bit rougher, playing paintball. Now that's bonding. Rather than being bullied by a MaidZilla-of-(dis)honour!

Let's not forget that most of us here abhor bullying when it comes to young LGBTQ kids. Just because the participants are all (presumably) adult doesn't mean they should just shut up and deal.
Oct 3 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: You're Asking the Wrong Person.
Hmm. "Bonus letter after the hump"???

The LW may also be experiencing some bodily changes as she ages - good ones, where the nerve endings in her vulva are more responsive to gentler/different stimuli. And she shouldn't forget that not all tongues (mouths) are made the same, nor the way the bearers of such equipment use them. But bravo for her finding gratification from an unexpected source!
Sep 30 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Well-Adjusted People Problems.
I always like looking through people's own words to see what they're hiding. In this case, the LW gushes about how fabulously well-adjusted she is. But is she really - if the most important thing when she was younger was the illicit feelings she got for doing something naughty ... rather than just physical pleasure and emotional fulfillment (as if THAT weren't the most valuable reward all on its own)? That doesn't sound "well-adjusted" to me. It sounds like immaturity in general (Woo-hoo, see what I'm getting away with!) and a mild case of religious damage that has resurfaced to begin sucking the joy out of her relationship.

Perhaps she should apply some introspection to her need-for-naughty to allow for a course correction. When she feels herself slipping into unwanted thoughts (Must. Have. Naughty. Or. Else. It's. Just. Not. Good. Enough), she can push back with positive ones.
Sep 17 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on SL Letter of the Day: Spawn of Satan.
"... but is willing to date me anyway."
One of the most pathetic attitudes a POS could exhibit. LW, you don't need his kind of controlling, religioustic (I think I just combined religious and masochistic) sanctimony, even if you're probably giving him a pass because he's your first "love". As long as he's on his high horse, you definitely have no future together, let alone the present.
Sep 10 Helenka (also a Canuck) commented on Watch Sarah Palin Sprinkle Words Blown From Without Her Ass.
I felt myself getting sick (vertigo from the whole upsidedownness) listening to her cafeteria word collage, so barely made it to the 5 minute mark. Had to stop.