Jul 12, 2011 Siggy m commented on Savage Love Episode 247.
Dan, I think I was one of the asexuals who yelled at you at some point, but I think the points made here are alright. Disclosure is very important. Personally, I've always disclosed before the first date. I think David Jay was going into a lot of complications with disclosure, but that's because he thinks a lot about the details, not because he's trying to make excuses.

And yes, I've met some asexuals who appeared to be running away from a sexuality which scared them. Not too common though, and I don't think it looks like what outsiders think it looks like. I figure asexuality is a much healthier place to go than the priesthood.

@10,
"Asexual" does not mean "not sexual", it means "not experiencing sexual attraction". Asexuals who masturbate are asexuals with sexual behavior. It is confusing, but there you go. I don't like identifying by "autosexual", which immediately emphasizes how much I masturbate, go figure. Also, some people experience romance as more than just close friendship plus sex, but if that is how you experience it, that's cool too.
More...
Feb 4, 2011 Siggy m commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@65
The asexual community, generally speaking, tries to cultivate a safe space where people feel free to explore without feeling like they're betraying anyone if they leave. For example, I used to identify as asexual, now I consider myself borderline asexual. It's a different culture from the gay community, which often pressures bisexual men to hide themselves. Is it perfect? Of course not. But it's not nearly as bad as you think.

@68
I know what people say about asexuals, that some of them are just insecure, or that they're late bloomers, or that they have hormone problems, or they're prudes, or they can't get laid, or that it's really because of their gender, their disability, etc etc etc. I've heard it all a million times. Every self-identified asexual has. Seriously, you don't even need to say it. Asexuals are not allowed to even consider the possibility that they are asexual until they have eliminated absolutely everything else. Is it any wonder that asexuals often discover themselves in the middle of a relationship? Some people are always going to be wrong, so why is it so much worse when people wrongly believe they are asexual?

Also, I was talking about compromises between sexuals and gray-asexual/minimally-sexual people, not compromises between sexuals and completely asexual people. If an asexual wants a completely sexless relationship, that is obviously a major obstacle. But for a "minimally-sexual" person, it could be a smaller difference than you might think, depending on the person. And some people are more willing to compromise than others; obviously those who write to Savage are the kind of people who don't deal well with compromise.
More...
Feb 3, 2011 Siggy m commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@57
I'm pretty sure most self-identified asexuals tell their partners about it. I don't know why Dan Savage makes it out like we're trying to hide or trick people. On the contrary, I tell partners before we even date, and then they tend to forget it or not take it seriously enough.

The asexuals who don't tell are the ones who are in denial about it, because they're told that they just "lack confidence" or something like that. You are part of the problem.
Feb 3, 2011 Siggy m commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
I think the issue is that there are no good spaces for asexual people to find each other. Sure, there are a few meetup groups... in the world. But have you ever heard of an asexual bar? And if you want something like a borderline-asexual bar, you should just give up now.

Gray-asexuals like me have only a few options: 1. Using an asexual dating site, getting extremely lucky, and being satisfied with a sexless relationship, 2. Pursuing friendships instead, or 3. Dating in normal spaces and finding a partner with whom compromise is possible.

I prefer the last option. If you think that sounds impossible, then obviously you are not the kind of person who would be compatible, and you're also projecting your experiences onto everyone else.

@52: WTF makes you think I would be okay with dating a pious Catholic? I am pretty sure that would be a much bigger problem than anything sex-related.
Feb 3, 2011 Siggy m joined My Stranger Face
Feb 3, 2011 Siggy m commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
I think the issue is that there are no good spaces for asexual people to find each other. Sure, there are a few meetup groups... in the world. But have you ever heard of an asexual bar? And if you want something like a borderline-asexual bar, you should just give up now.

Gray-asexuals like me have only a few options: 1. Using an asexual dating site, getting extremely lucky, and being satisfied with a sexless relationship, 2. Pursuing friendships instead, or 3. Dating in normal spaces and finding a partner with whom compromise is possible.

I prefer the last option. If you think that sounds impossible, then obviously you are not the kind of person who would be compatible, and you're also projecting your experiences onto everyone else.

@52: WTF makes you think I would be okay with dating a pious Catholic? I am pretty sure that would be a much bigger problem than anything sex-related.