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Feb 9, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
118: If the husband knew that the relationship would be that way from the beginning and was okay with it, then no, he doesn't have the right to feel betrayed, tricked, or cheated. If the wife never told him and the not having sex started to become more and more common as the relationship progressed, he should feel cheated and tricked. I don't support not being honest with your partner, end of story. In no way do I support women (or men or people of other genders) who get into relationships with people without telling their partners that they really are asexual/of a sexual orientation that doesn't make them sexually attracted to their partner. If you read my posts, you'd see that.
I'm talking about the relationships out there in which two people are open and honest with each other about everything, including sexual attraction, one person is asexual and one is sexual and they're both aware of this, they're both okay with it, and they find a solution to the difference in sexual orientations that both of them are happy with. That's not cruel. That's what makes two people happy. That can work. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely not impossible.
Feb 8, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
"a relationship that is going to proceed to turn sour."
"rather than trying to date into a pool of people with whom they are fundamentally incompatible."

You seem to imply that all ace/sexual relationships /will/ turn sour, and that asexuals and sexuals are always going to be incompatible. You may not have used the words "Everyone" or "impossible", but there are places where you left out important words like "most" or "many". In that last paragraph of yours in #112 you spoke generally without making any sort of exemptions or using terms that imply that it's all just a trend and not in any way absolute law or constant.
Feb 7, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@112: Like I said, if you don't want to deal with it, don't get involved in that kind of situation.
You=/=everyone. Some people don't bond emotionally over sex. Some people are okay with their partners bonding with multiple people. You seriously need to understand that. The relationship is not "going to turn sour". The people aren't "fundamentally incompatible". I hope you realize one day how offensive statements like that are. Just because many times, an asexual/sexual relationship won't work, it doesn't mean it's impossible or requires that somebody will get hurt or will be unhappy. It's like saying that just because some white people would have racial/ethnic issues if they tried to date a black person, interracial couples as a whole can never work. You can't generalize when it comes to relationships, because romance and sexuality are super complex, and generalizations can be really hurtful, especially when they're directed towards groups that are already oppressed and marginalized.

At one point in time there were societal expectations that looked down upon people having sex before marriage or dating people of other races or ethnicities. Should those things have been continued just because society said they were good? If people don't break the bonds of societal expectations, social change will never happen. If somebody didn't stand up for their love and date outside of what society found acceptable, homosexuality would never be accepted, and neither would interracial relationships. Like I said, it's all up to the individual's preferences and comfort levels, and I definitely support being up front with any potential partners about sexuality, but to say it can't ever work and that people shouldn't even attempt it is pretty damn closed-minded and offensive.
Feb 7, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@109: I didn't see any comments where an ace was trying to deceive a sexual into a relationship, but I admit that I haven't read the whole page completely. I think that if the sexual person is okay with giving up some sex, it's their call, and that everyone else should just step back and not criticize. There is no thing that anyone should or shouldn't do. IT'S ALL PERSONAL PREFERENCE. NOBODY SHOULD CRITICIZE THAT EITHER WAY. How many times do I have to say it? Nobody's forcing a highly sexual person to give up sex, as far as I know. If they realize such a relationship isn't for them, they can leave, simple as that. It's like saying that a Christian and a Jew should never date or that an Aussie and a Canadian should never date. It's obnoxiously nosy. Why should you care? If two people are in love and they can make their relationship work and they're both happy, why the hell should it matter what they are?!?!?!?? Seriously. You stick to your relationships and let other people stick to theirs.
Feb 6, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@107: Any good relationship can only work between two honest people. Lying about/leaving out important information of any type in a relationship means the relationship isn't going to work, or at least won't work well.
Feb 6, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@102:"But in return, asexuals need to realize that those with a different orientation, i.e. sexuals, may not want to be in a romantic relationship with them. That doesn't make the sexuals shallow, or incapable of "real" intimacy or romance. It just means that sexuals want to be in relationships with people who have the same orientation."
I think you mean /some/ or /most/ sexuals may not want to be in a romantic relationship with them. On an asexuality forum that I frequent, there are some sexuals who are dating/married to asexuals, and asexuals who are dating/married to sexuals, and their relationships seem to be working. Obviously, such a relationship isn't for everyone. If you have a hetero- or bi/panromantic homosexual (it does happen, guys! Romantic and sexual orientation aren't always the same!) and woman who is sexually attracted to men, their relationship is in no way ridiculous or impossible. Of course, it all is highly dependent on the individuals, and is, as I've stated before, not for everyone.
In no way do I think sexuals are shallow and I have no clue where the hell you got that idea. I know that sexuals are perfectly capable of intimacy and romance. They just want sex as well.

@104: If you don't want to be in a relationship with somebody who is less sexual than you are, then by all means, don't enter into one! I don't think it's shallow or stupid, and even if I did, it shouldn't matter what I think about your relationships. It's all a matter of preference and what the exact needs on both sides are.
Feb 5, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@99: Many romantic asexuals like to kiss, touch, cuddle, be close to in a way that usually is too close for just friendship, spend a lot of alone time, with their partner(s). You can have intimacy without having sex.

@100: It wouldn't be the case for a sexual person, but for an asexual, it can be very true, and Dan doesn't take that into consideration. An asexual will sometimes be willing to sacrifice some of their comfort and intimacy to have sex, something they might find awkward or even gross, and makes them feel less romantically connected to their partner(s).
Feb 5, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
@91 and 93: Did you ever think that for some people, satisfying somebody's sexual needs might make somebody feel less romantic, ie they get turned off or feel awkward? Their romantic needs may not be met at 100%, but they might be okay with that because they're open to compromise, as is their partner. You might not be personally open to a relationship that requires that much compromise. Some people are. To assume that NOBODY is open to such a relationship is pretty damn closed-minded. If you don't want to date an asexual, then don't. But don't tell other sexuals that they can't, especially if they /are/ willing to try and make it work. Dan flat-out assumes that just because /he/ isn't willing to compromise and won't feel at all satisfied in such a relationship, nobody is. That is incorrect. Some people, believe-it-or-not, would be willing to date an asexual if they were willing to have some sex or participate in some sort of sexual activity. Some people would not mind being in an open relationship with an asexual. Some people (few, but some) actually could go without sex from their partner, even though they're sexual. Like I said, if you don't want to date an asexual, don't do it. Everyone has their preferences and limits. But don't tell other people that they're being sadistic/cruel/whatever because they're looking for a type of relationship that you would not want to be part of.
Feb 4, 2011 deltameequalszero commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Sexual Reflects On Nearly Asexual Ex.
I don't see why an asexual/grey-a and sexual relationship is doomed to fail. It's all a matter of personal preference and ability to compromise. For some relationships, a person under the asexual umbrella and a sexual person won't work. In some, it would. To generalize and say "An ace/sexual relationship will NEVER work and is doomed to fail," is a)inaccurate and b)insulting. I definitely think that an asexual, or even somebody who is sexual but has a low libido, should be very honest with their partner about their sex life from the get-go. If somebody is accepting of that and willing to compromise, then great, they might even get married and stay married. If the person doesn't seem accepting or doesn't think the relationship can work, it's best that the people stay friends or something.

Also, I can't help but ask why a sexual person's sexual needs always have to trump an asexual person's romantic needs? Seriously. Technically, neither are needs because you CAN, believe it or not, live without romance or sex, but both fill voids in peoples' lives that many people can't live without. To tell an asexual to STFU about their needs just because of their orientation is just plain effed-up. People aren't like ferrets. They don't die if they don't copulate while in heat. You never really hear of people killing themselves because they couldn't get laid. However, people do suffer immense grief, psychological trauma, or are even driven into mania because of (often unrequited, purely romantic) love. That's not to say that romantic needs are /more/ important than sexual ones. I'm just saying that romantic needs are needs too, and they need to be met, and they should be viewed as being just as important and valid as sexual ones.
Feb 4, 2011 deltameequalszero joined My Stranger Face

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