commented on SL Letter of the Day: Betrayal and Ballache
Wow Dan. Surprised by how one-sided and wife-hatey your answer was. This guy seems like a ball of rage,and I suspect that his wife has a slightly different take on the events he recounts. Along with everyone above, I'd like to say "If you only wanted one kid, why didn't you use birth control yourself". Or say, get a vasectomy. Also- she can't MAKE you get a vasectomy. Surprised you didn't challenge him on his lack of taking responsibility.
Nov 29, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: The Care Package
Dan-Great catch on the narcissism, but I gotta say I think you missed on the gift basket thumbs up(I think it was a completely understandable gay man bias.)
As a lady with lady parts I say "Elaborate gift basket as a response to an unplanned pregnancy and abortion?! Ugh. A WORLD of "no"."
Oct 20, 2014
commented on Sarah Treem, Cocreator of The Affair, Is Realistic About Her Own Marriage
Umm... Hello Dan Savage? The guy who coined "monogamish"?! Why are you assuming that this data about people having sex outside of their marriage means they are *unfaithful*?! Could be an increase in consensual non-monagamy....
Gotta be careful about those assumptions! (Sex outside marriage does not necessarily equal cheating)...
Sep 23, 2014
commented on Raising Awareness of "Lopsided" Bisexuality During Bisexuality Visibility Week
I think this is a great conversation - to really allow the range of sexuality to be acknowledged. Lopsided bisexuality certainly seems like it is out there- and many LB's just 'round down to straight' . As I read this though, I wish you or Blow might have commented more on the 'raped as a child' part.
It would be helpful if we could talk more about the enduring impact trauma can have on our sexuality-- our feelings and our choices-- in a long-term way. For some it can make something that would otherwise be erotic, frightening. For others it can make something associated with fear strongly erotic. It can make some people who were abused engage in repetitive re-enactment of those scenes, even if the gender of the person is not who they are typically attracted to. And the thing that seems to characterize these 'reenactment experiences' is that the person does not really enjoy them or find sexual freedom in them. Blow's own comments about having to get really drunk to have these encounters and then regretting them after certainly raises this question for me. And I think that it is helpful to separate 'orientation' from 'trauma reaction'. One is innate, the other is a reaction to a difficult event.
(By the way, in NO way am I suggesting that most bisexual people are reacting to trauma. ) If someone experiences sexual trauma and has a lot of sexually confusing impulses after that, there can be a connection.
Sep 22, 2014
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Played Out
Yes. Yes. Yes.
God, yes you are being played.
He seems to like cheating on people. Probably why the sex stays so hot year after year. There's a lot of power in keeping things secret. If you want to continue with him you have to just assume there are others getting laid by him without your knowledge. If you can't live with that then break up with him. But you could also think of it as his kink and let him exercise that.
But yes, protection.