Alison Cummins
Montreal QC
website report this user


Recently hit the big Five-O Lives in Montreal with her beloved and two dogs Fantasizes… more »

Dec 21, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Open & Free (But What About Money?).
I like ‘More Than Two,’ and Franklin Veaux would have something to say about Dan’s unclear use of the word ‘boundaries.’

These days the formalized body of knowledge around sexuality, consent and relationships distinguishes carefully between boundaries (for oneself; good) and rules (for other people; bad). In this framework,
• ‘I will not date sex workers’ is a boundary, and good;
• ‘You will not accept gifts of money from your sexual partners’ is a rule, and bad.

This avoids hand-wringing about exactly what it’s acceptable to tell other people to do (the answer is always ‘nothing’) and the endless arguing and processing that ensues when someone doesn’t do what you tell them.

Personally I might be disappointed in my young partner’s lack of imagination. I would imagine him laid off (ESCORT says he was fired -- for an offense or display of bad judgement?), lying around the house smoking weed, watching porn and thinking, I Know! I’ll Blow Some Hotties For Money! Which is the kind of low-level thinking I might expect of someone depressed or fearful or otherwise lacking in ambition. (I do know people who have deliberately chosen sex work as a career and who work hard at it. This doesn’t seem to be the boyfriend’s approach.)

It’s possible that ESCORT is less worried about the industry and more worried about the boyfriend not being on a track in life that parallels his own, or of not sharing important values like ambition. It's possible that the boundary ESCORT needs to define is,
• I will only date men with similar levels of motivation and ambition to mine.
Nov 30, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
RE: “It’s my house and I’ll fiddle with my dick if I want.”

Sounds kind of like the “It’s my house and I’ll walk across your nice clean floor in my muddy boots and smirk at your helpless protests if I want” of yore. Don’t know if that’s what’s going on, just something to think about.
Nov 30, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
RE squeezing: If a guy’s dick isn’t that sensitive (say, circumcized and condomed) and he gives himself most of his orgasms so is used to his own firm grip, it’s totally possible that he needs a tight squeeze to come.

Alternatives to the ultra-kegel:
• Hold your legs together.
• Reach down and grab the base of his cock between two fingers.
• When he wants to come, have him pull out and jack off.
Nov 17, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
Sep 16, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
Thank you, Jina.
Sep 15, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
Fichu @79,

In my mid-twenties I was repeatedly and politely mistaken for a sex worker. It wasn't a problem and was reassuring rather than unsettling. I worked a late shift and would sometimes end up walking through the red light district at 2h30. A van might pull up, I’d get a gruff “baby are you dating” and reply with a “nope,” the van would leave. No fuss, no muss, purely professional.

In my early twenties though, someone treated me like a sex worker even though it was clear I wasn’t one. That was scary. I put up classified ad for a roommate and said “call Alison at ____.” I got a big load of crappy calls from lingerie salespeople wanting me to try on their samples, men with foreign accents hesitantly enquiring whether sex was included in the rent, the usual. And one man who used a confident, pleasant voice to make me an offer. We could meet, and if we got along he’d pay my rent and I’d have sex with him. I could clearly use the money so it would be a really good deal. I said no, I wasn’t interested. He argued: how could I know I wasn’t interested if we hadn’t met? I hung up and he called back. Repeatedly. He accused me of being unfair and irrational for not considering his perfectly fair and rational offer. I tried to be pleasant and well-mannered, but finally resorted to yelling at him and telling him I’d call the police if he called again. He stopped.

No, not polite. Not polite at all.

In the first case, I wasn’t dressed like a typical sex worker but I was in the right place at the right time, so an honest enquiry was not misplaced.

The second case was just entitled and manipulative. Talking to someone who used very polite-sounding language to reveal that he couldn’t imagine that I might value my independence made me feel really gross. He demonstrated repeatedly that he thought that his interest in having a student mistress was more important than my right to say no. Really, really upsetting. And not at all polite, no matter what he might have thought.
Sep 15, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
The Jezebel link I posted in @70 is good. If you're still confused about what is 'polite,' the guy in the Jezebel article is NOT POLITE.
Sep 15, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
Asking for something that you have not been invited to ask for IS NOT POLITE.

Have you pro-polite-enquiry folks been following the advice about how to 'politely' get a woman to take off her headphones so that you can hit on her?……

There are a lot of men who think that as long as you aren't pointing a gun and screaming and swearing, crossing a stranger's boundaries to request sexual services is 'polite.'

It's not. It's not polite at all.

Instagram-woman appears like she might be sexually active. PHOTO thinks that since someone else has her, he's entitled to her too. PHOTO is not polite, he's a potential rapist.

If you don't know how this works, I'll tell you.

If a woman offers you something, being appreciative is polite. For instance, if she posts a picture of herself on instagram, telling her that she's pretty is polite. Even telling her that you look forward to her posts, that they brighten your day, is polite.

Asking her for something she hasn'toffered is NOT POLITE. So when she posts her pic, telling her that she should show her tits, or that you want to fuck her face is NOT POLITE. Telling her that you want to jerk off into her used underwear is NOT POLITE.
Sep 15, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love.
Chatting up random women on the internet you don't know to establish rapport so see if they want to sell their panties is not OK. It's not OK on the bus, the street, the bar or the coffee shop. What makes it OK on the internet?

MonkeyFetish @34 QFT.
Sep 15, 2016 Alison Cummins commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: He Wears Short Shorts.
RE ellipses:

I just wanted to comment that there's a valued regular contributor to these threads whose comments used to be about half ellipse. They were jeered at, but persisted. As they gained experience their comments took on standard form, appeared much more thought-through and they gained a following.

I have great admiration for this person but I won't name them because I don't wish to appear condescending.

Writing is hard. It doesn't come automatically. It takes practice.