Jan 4 Xian-Qi commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Trump Supporters Want Invite To Their Gay Wedding.
If the Trump voters are opposed to gay marriage, they won't come to your gay wedding. If they attend your gay wedding, they will be more likely to be vocal supporters of equal rights by virtue of their exposure to your lives and your wonderful celebration of your commitment. If they come to your wedding and feel shamed (or don't come and still feel shamed), they will think you're assholes and become more likely to backlash against having their morals dictated to them.

Years ago, we in the gay movement said that simply being out of the closet and living normal lives -- proudly -- was the best way to combat homophobia. Show the homophobes that we are their friends, colleagues, neighbors. They will be more likely to accept other gay people and equal rights when they know that gay issues are their own issues when they touch so close to home.

We didn't say it was best to go, "Mom, dad, friends, colleagues -- I'm gay. And here's an envelope for your mandatory donation to LAMBDA. If you don't donate, get out of my life."
Jan 4 Xian-Qi commented on Buffy the Psych Prof: Someone You Should Follow On Twitter.
Did she submit her PhD clause-by-clause in a thousand Twitter feeds?

Anyway, the fact that she says she'll be paying back her student loans for the rest of her life and "that's okay" --- THAT'S the problem. Carrying that kind of debt for a lifetime should not be normal. "Real America" can't even afford college, let alone a PhD, and that's what creates the resentment. If she thinks it's okay to have that amount of debt -- and that most young Americans have the ability to even qualify for it -- shows some degree of being out of touch.
Jan 3 Xian-Qi commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Marathon Man & Woman.
*** complacency; Democrats who stayed home and didn't vote. ***

Election is way over. Time to stop using non-Democrats as your fucking punching bag at every turn. At least third-party voters had a conscience and exercised their democratic right. Trump lost by more votes than Romney won. Which means -- THIRD PARTY VOTERS WERE NOT THE PROBLEM.
Dec 28, 2016 Xian-Qi commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Dispatched To (And a Dispatch From) the So-Called "Friend Zone".
I'm a gay man and once had a couple of people like that in my life when I was younger. The best way to accept them as friends was for me to go out and date, have relationships, and a few broken hearts from other people. Basically, having your own life and your own experiences really does a lot to mature a person. It takes time, but just keep looking for another girlfriend, and if that doesn't work out, keep dating. And Dan's right, go with the Peace Corps, and if that's no longer possible, do some other volunteer gig somewhere else in the world, or just travel and work abroad for a few years. Get your own life and you'll be able to accept Kathy's (and others) into yours without hard feelings. Takes a while to build that, but make the effort.
Dec 23, 2016 Xian-Qi commented on The Rockettes Inauguration Performance and Trump's Nuclear Arms Race are the Biggest News Stories This Morning.
The decision was made by management "in conjunction" with the union. The union says they will be fired for boycotting. Some union!
Dec 13, 2016 Xian-Qi commented on Congressional Leaders, aka Republicans, Call for Investigation Into Russian Hacking.
I used to agree with Dan on everything. But now looking at Savage Love makes me sad. Sad because it's the strongest reminder of how Dems have been brainwashed over to the right. It used to be that Dems were the anti-war party who didn't buy into the Republicans' dangerous "evil Empire" anti-Russia bullshit. And it was the Republicans who made paranoid, responsibility-evading bullshit excuses for losing elections. But now like millions of other Americans, Dan's been body-snatched by neo-Republicans into Russia-bashing. One can count all the reasons why Clinton lost -- some of them the fault of herself and her party -- all of which Dan has heard a thousand times over. But it's easier to blame an a foreign government than own up to your own shit. As if America is some banana republic that can be manipulated by a foreign power ... You really think your country and system is so weak that Russia can corrupt it with a few leaked e-mails?

I liked the world better when you could tell the left from the right. Now Dan and so many other gay allies dump on the left while engaging in this neo-rightwing McCarthyite shit. God it's a nightmare, please wake me.
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Dec 10, 2016 Xian-Qi commented on Intelligence Agencies: Russia Was Trying To Help Trump Win Election.
Like America has never tampered with elections or political systems in other countries. The Russians were probably getting even with America for installing the drunken stooge Boris Yeltsin, a hated, incompetent idiot put in place by US strategists, and who did America's bidding while trashing his country. What comes around...
Dec 8, 2016 Xian-Qi commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Current BF and the Ex-Intern.
@23 BiDanFan: I respect your perspective, but about the "studying for exams" thing ... When I know my partner is too busy to leave the house, I still extend the invite as a courtesy. "I know you've got big exams coming up, but if you need a break and can spare a few hours, come join us at Cindy's birthday." If he has a legitimate reason to not do that, then so be it. It's up to them if they accept that as a white lie or a big lie. But whether she's irrational or he's cheating, either way I just think it stinks when relationships get to that level. Lying/omitting truth about hanging out with a hot girl on her birthday is way more than a "your ass doesn't look fat" lie. It's tiptoeing around landmines.
Dec 7, 2016 Xian-Qi commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Current BF and the Ex-Intern.
Opposite advice here.

a) Why can't your bf invite you along to these events and outings? It's normal for couples to make friends together and socialize as a couple. Does she have a boyfriend? Double date. Is she single? Try to set her up. Or just include her in your lives as a mutual friend.

b) If your sex life was great, there wouldn't be a problem. If he was hanging out with this co-worker then coming home and banging you, nothing to be jealous about. But he's spending time with an attractive co-worker and then somehow he's too drained to have sex with you? 2 plus 2 equals ...

c) They "haven't been in contact in sex months" (Freudian typo!) then suddenly they meet up again ... but only because you found out on her Instagram. If you hadn't found out, you'd continue to believe they're not hanging out. Which means, for the past "sex months" they've been hanging out. And not telling you.

d) Doesn't your bf have MALE friends he can hang out with? I personally know straight guys who have opportunities to hang out with their attractive co-workers/students/ex-gf etc and they DON'T simply because they know the issues it will cause in their marriages/relationships. For gay men it's different. Men need male friends, gay or straight, and we have flexible attitudes about it. Straight men have way more options than the fuckable female co-worker to be friends with. And again, if it is platonic, why doesn't he include you in their plans?

Your feelings are not irrational. Maybe following his co-worker on IG and looking at his phone are stalker-ish and invasive, but if he's doing things that make you feel this way, you shouldn't be with him. Tell him you want to be included in his social life -- and include him in yours. If he says no, he's cheating, or giving you reason to believe he is. Either way, it's not worth being with someone who makes you feel batshit, whether you own own your crazy or he does. One of three things here: 1) He's cheating, 2) He's being inconsiderate, 3) He' doing nothing wrong and you're an over-reacting mess. In any of those three scenarios, you're not a match. If it's #3, nothing to feel guilty about -- you're just emotionally incompatible.

But personally, I think he's being a dick. Find a bf who has better judgement and puts your feelings before an unnecessary friendship that has completely suspicious, inappropriate optics. I'm sure their colleagues look at them hanging out and are saying, "Doesn't he have a girlfriend?"
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Nov 26, 2016 Xian-Qi commented on How Green Is My Recount?.
Dan, you have always worked on the assumption that Green voters would have voted for Clinton if they had no other option. Given that Democrats stayed home in disastrous numbers (Trump won with fewer votes than Romney lost with) why don't you blame Democrats WHO STAYED HOME. Because if Stein wasn't in the race, her supporters would have joined them, and then you'd have no visible target.

As for Stein's instigation of the recount, it has nothing to do with the fact that some states swung to Trump than is does with her desire to see the democratic process work properly. If America voted like other functioning democracies, voters would use paper-n'-pencil ballots and votes would ALL be counted by hand. No hacking, no hanging chads. And the process would be uniform in every polling station across the country.

I supported Hillary, by the way. But I'd rather win voters back rather than demonize them. Some of their concerns are legitimate.