clashfan
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Jul 21 clashfan commented on Savage Love.
What would you tell a woman who wrote in that her brother in law kept saying "Sure do miss being single, and banging all the single ladies!" every time her sister left the room?
Jul 9 clashfan commented on Dumbest Letter Ever.
@50: No, you don't have to bake cakes for the KKK. Membership in the KKK is not a protected status by law.
Jul 7 clashfan commented on Baker Refuses to Make a Cake for a Same-Sex Couple.
@31: Due to mention of Girl Guides (and not Girl Scouts) I think 29 is not from the US. They also may be taking the piss.
Jul 6 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Bonus Advice From Esther Perel for "Heartbroken And Devastated".
@9: They had phone sex and online flirting up until LW discovered the whole thing two weeks ago. He's not really an ex.
Jun 12 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Dramatists Club.
I think only one person was suggesting it long-term, meaning until the younger kid leaves high school. I think most of us are thinking on the order of a few months.
Jun 12 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Dramatists Club.
@130: So wank off. That's what people are telling her to do, in the short term. Until she gets herself on more stable emotional ground, without these terrible people around her.

Apparently she's working double shifts for the next two months, assumedly at the old job and the new one. Maybe once that's done, she can focus on self-care, making sure her kids' needs are being met, and getting some treatment for her depression. Try dating when she has a decent floor beneath her. In the meantime, wank away. It's not the same as partnered sex, but it's better than nothing and it takes the edge off.
Jun 10 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Dramatists Club.
In re: the husband being abusive or neglectful or emotionally absent.

"We've had our problems in the past, most notably a history of chronic depression on my part. His response to that left a lot to be desired. I lived despite an almost total lack of support from him, . . . "

"My husband, with the unwitting support of his girlfriend who is physically and psychologically *exactly* like his mother and sisters, is defaulting back to some really negative behaviour patterns toward me and the kids."

"I remember one night I had to leave the apartment and lock myself in the car to get away from my husband."

With these quotes more firmly in mind, I retract my earlier opinion/advice on trying to save the marriage. She should still drop the Shit-Show Boyfriend, and work on her own mental health and the needs of her kids. This includes making as safe a place as possible for them away from their dad, and entirely separate from any dating she does.
Jun 10 clashfan commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Dramatists Club.
@2: Not sure her marriage is salvageable. She says he's falling back into negative patterns of behavior with her and with the kids. It may be worth laying her cards on the table with him, though: Tell him you're breaking it off with Shit-Show Boyfriend, and taking a step back with Opposite Coast Best Friend. Don't address his relationship with Family Resemblance Girlfriend. Say that you are going to refocus on your own mental health and the welfare of your kids. Tell him the behaviors you've seen reemerging from him, and how they negatively affect you and the kids. See what he says.

If he can own some of that, and say he will do better--try to get through the next eight weeks of double shifts (old job and new job?). Don't blow the whole thing up unless he does something outrageous. Review how the summer went on Labor Day Weekend, and reassess.

Make other friends. Try not dating all summer. Do fun things with your kids and include your husband if at all possible. But for God's sake, drop Shit-Show Boyfriend.