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Mar 21 KateRose commented on Savage Love.
Don't worry, Auntie G, wasn't directed specifically at you. :) Just clarifying because there's a lot of misconceptions about sex vs gender.
Mar 20 KateRose commented on Savage Love.
We really need to get away from talking about cis women as XX and trans women as XY. Cis women just agree with the gender they were assigned at birth. The concept of biological sex is just as much a social construct as gender is, tbh. Unless you've been karyotyped you have no idea if you're XX, XY, XXX XXY, etc. That's not a test they typically do, because it's not cheap. So we don't know how common any of these actually are.

There are a lot of different things that come together to make up bio sex, and almost no one has ALL the characteristics of the gender they were assigned.
Mar 9 KateRose commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: When Should She Tell Her Date She Wants to Bang?.
I don't understand how asking first can be considered less confident. Obviously you've never had someone look at you intensely, say, "So, you wanna make out?" and waggle their eyebrows (in the sexy non silly way, or in the purposely silly way, both can work depending on the scenario).

Consent is super sexy when it's done right. My HUSBAND will still ask if he can fuck me when we're making out, or at the very least say something else that lets me know that's where he wants it to go so that I can decide whether that's going to be a thing or not. And it's still sexy.
Mar 6 KateRose commented on Savage Love.
I'm surprised anyone remembers me. I've been reading along, just haven't logged in to comment. :)
Mar 6 KateRose commented on Savage Love.
@79 That's pretty accurate a lot of the time, honestly. I work in the downtown area of my city, and I always have headphones in, and have sunglasses on any time I can justify it. There have been plenty of times there isn't even anything playing. I'm just making it easier to ignore anyone who might try to speak to me.
Aug 19, 2016 KateRose commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blown Opportunities.
Bah, my reply didn't submit.

@52, while I agree that there is a definite distinction between having "intercourse" vs "sex", so that was my bad for not being specific. It still doesn't change my statement in 51.

If someone told me they couldn't have intercourse, my response wouldn't be to fling myself face first at their crotch. I'd want to know if oral sex was also off the table either by doctors orders or their own preferences.

I was more concerned with the fact that 45 was recommending grabbing someone's genitals without asking first. Which, sure, if you've been with them a long time, there's an idea of whether they'll be receptive. But if you've not even done that particular sexual act, asking first is always the way to go.
Aug 19, 2016 KateRose commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blown Opportunities.
@52 Very true, and definitely a distinction. But, if someone said they couldn't engage in intercourse, I'd imagine it better to ask them if receiving oral sex was on the table instead of just falling face down onto their crotch.
Aug 19, 2016 KateRose commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blown Opportunities.
@45 There is definitely a difference between just going for it with an established partner and with a new one. Sure, there are plenty of guys that would be totally fine with a girl just pulling out their dick and going to town on it. But that doesn't mean it's ok to do it without getting consent.

And the LW said he can't have sex. Oral sex is a type of sex. So without clarifying, she could be going against what his treatment plan is.

So, she could try it, and it could be well accepted and wonderful. Or, she could try it, and potentially cause him injury. OR she could try it and be sexually assaulting him.

So, maybe erring on the side of asking first is a good plan.
Apr 1, 2016 KateRose commented on Savage Love.
@79 " from the twee profile pic (“I'm really just a cute kid on the inside, folks! Don't you like me? Just a little? Please?”) "

Not that this has anything to do with the rest of your statement, but I definitely don't consider the kid from Pet Sematery to be the best example of adorableness.
Mar 30, 2016 KateRose commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What To Do?.
I was definitely more concerned with the idea that she had considered leaving her husband than him asking her to marry him. Plenty of poly people are married (in name, obviously, not legally) to more than one person. I have several friends who either married a second partner, or are in the process of planning a ceremony to do so. Not everyone has primary/secondary/tertiary type relationships. Some people try to keep things more equal.

But if she's talking about leaving. That's a different thing entirely.