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Aug 7, 2014 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
@36 I used the mattress/boxsprings technique when I went through puberty back in the mid-1980's. I was really ignorant about masturbatory techniques, though--no porn to teach me, I suppose. I think because the first time I got off was by lying on my belly and rubbing and up and down on my bed, I used that technique on pillows and, eventually, saw that crack between the two parts of the bed as somehow inviting. I stopped when I tore the frenulum on the underside of my penis. Wow that was painful! I was chafed a lot of the time anyway, due to all the rubbing against cotton sheets, and I had to find another way to get off. It was surprisingly difficult to accustom myself to using my own hand alone. I remember many frustrating nights lying in bed, wanting so bad to get off but unable to.
Jul 10, 2013 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
Turista sounds like she expected that local boy to fulfill her fantasy of the American on vacation meeting the exotic lover of her imagination, but he spoiled it by being an ordinary human male. He wasn't necessarily rude by delivering her safely back to her hotel. He could have had work early the next day, or he thought the hookup was exactly what it was, a random hookup, no strings attached.
Feb 6, 2013 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
For the LW who can't come from oral sex, here's an experiment he could try: he could ask his girlfriend to wake him up one night with a surprise blowjob. Being a bit dozy, he'll also be extremely relaxed. If he finds that he can have an orgasm while relaxed like this, it probably means that there is a psychological block preventing him from orgasm during a fully awake blowjob. He could then work on being more relaxed, less anxious during sex. It might help if his girlfriend takes over as the active partner during intercourse; he should then be a passive recipient of pleasure, learning to feel sexual stimulation without having to guide it with his hand or with thrusting hips.
Jun 21, 2012 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
I think many men underestimate the effect masturbation has on their sex drive. I went into my thirties thinking I could still spank it every day like I did in my teens and twenties, and still be up for sex with my wife. That just isn't true. My body doesn't respond as quickly as it did in previous decades, and it takes longer for my libido to recover after orgasm. My general policy now is that I masturbate maybe two or three times a week, but only on days when I'm pretty sure I'm not getting any sex. Sometimes I go longer without masturbating, simply because I like to build up that sexual tension. Anyway, my point is that a man's libido is not some infinite resource. It seemed infinite to us in our teens and twenties, but eventually you have to go into conservation mode and start saving it for actual sex, rather than jerking off.
May 2, 2012 idfriendly commented on Testaments Old & New.
@3 There's a belief in certain Christian sects that during the 1000 year reign of Christ on earth, sinners who believed in Christ, but sinned anyway, will have their sins purged in hell. After the 1000 years, they will be able to join Christ in the celestial city. Meanwhile, Satan and "the unrighteous dead" (Dan and the atheist, unrepentant gay hordes) will wage war on Christ's city, but ultimately be defeated.
Mar 14, 2012 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
That "sad mattress" image could be applicable to so many topics.

@53 The problem is that we all have "little things" that inevitably grate on our partner's nerves. I bite my fingernails, and my wife hates it. She says it reminds her of a dog biting its fleas. For my part, it disgusts me that she farts so much, and so freely. Is divorce in our future? I don't know. Maybe if more of those types of things accumulate. Maybe I stop trimming my nose hair and that's the last straw for her! However, in general, I don't think these are the kinds of things that cause divorce. If my nail biting and her farting become representative of a systemic disregard of each other's feelings, then that leads to divorce--but it is our overall lack of caring, not the little things themselves, that bring about the divorce.
Jan 25, 2012 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
@54 I agree about the baby wipes. And having wiped my own kid's bum, the distinctive smell of baby wipes is something I've come to associate with runny, smelly bowel movements. If I smelled baby wipes on a partner's genital region, I'd probably gag. The woman just needs to talk to her boyfriend about his hygiene. She doesn't have to coerce him into taking a shower with her. And besides, that wouldn't take care of the "turtle head" problem. The guy apparently is just oblivious to the fact that he needs to clean himself better, and she needs to make him un-oblivious. God, I just can't imagine not caring about my hygiene to the extent of letting a woman go down while I've literally got crap coming out my ass. Even when I was teenaged and stupid, I was self-conscious about how I looked and smelled to women, naked or clothed.
Jan 18, 2012 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
I thought "cacao" was the standard safe word to be used in all BDSM situations. Hunh. Guess Portlandia isn't as reliable as I thought for information about kink.
Nov 9, 2011 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
My wife and I were virgins when we met. We were 25 and 22 respectively, and we weren't virgins by choice. We were both just shy and geeky. We did have sex before marriage, so I am wholly supportive of those saying that it's better to take a test run before committing to buy. However, looking back, the sex we had before marriage wasn't anything spectacular. Not to sound self-deprecating, but if my wife had had other sexual partners in her life, and she based her decision to commit to me on my sexual prowess, she probably would have dumped me after the first couple times. I like to believe I became a better lover after she "broke me in", and I'm glad she didn't let the test run decide our future. My point is, there are no general rules applicable to all sexual situations, as the Evangelist Christian LW would have us believe. Nor is sexual compatibility a zero sum game, as Dan Savage seems to believe--either you have it, or you don't. I don't believe my wife and I were (or are) 100% sexually compatible, but we keep trying to make it work because we loved other things about each other as well as sex. Personally, I think sexual compatibility has more to do with the willingness to play with someone whose sex drive or kinks are different than our own, rather than some mystical matchmaking of two people whose sex drives and interests are miraculously exactly the same.
Jul 28, 2011 idfriendly commented on Savage Love.
As to why CPAS would put up with her, there doesn't have to be a looks disparity. He could just have low self-esteem and/or a distorted view of his own desirability. All that is necessary for someone to stay with an abuser is for the abused to believe they can't do any better or that they deserve the treatment.