1:19 PM yesterday drjones commented on Savage Love.
I dunno, I think Dan leans towards 'butt out' too hard sometimes, and in the case of FRIEND there are too many unknowns to tell if Dans read of the situation is correct. Just because the guy is on fetlife does not mean that he's cheating, just because the friend expresses horror at BDSM does not mean she isn't actually into it etc. etc. He could be a blameless sap being taken advantage of, we don't know. Personally, I'd let the guy know and stop hanging out with such a drama-generating 'friend' if I thought so little of her.
Apr 16 drjones commented on Savage Love.
Wait, where did I go?
Apr 15 drjones commented on Savage Love.
SMOOSH: Screw you for not telling us your secret!

LADIES (or gents): if you want to have fun weird roleplay scenarios, date a theatre nerd. They are trained to not be self conscious, to get into character and to have powerful imaginations. Reading the last letter all I could think was how much this guy was missing out (assuming he has any dom tendencies) . Playing the bad guy is so much fun! You get to vent the darkest parts of your id in a totally safe, fun, everyone gets an orgasm kind of way. I played the heavies in a lot of plays and was surprised when I had groupies showing up for those roles, but not for more standard stuff.

Years later I got into sub/dom sex and it all made sense! Some ladies (and gents) just really love the (sexy) bad guy and really want him to do bad things to them. And a theatre nerd can be perfect to fulfill that need. I mean, assuming you can get past their vanity, neurosis and other issues of course ;)
Apr 12 drjones commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Meat the Wife.
Get thee to a divorce attorney forthwith my good man.
Apr 8 drjones commented on Savage Love.
In my experience it's contact with real world evils that sours BDSM 'evil'. My wife and I have all sorts of sexy fun and orgasms where we touch on rape, misogyny and objectification. I don't think it has much to do with self-loathing, it just really makes her pussy wet to be used like a fleshlight. Go figure. And then when we are done we cuddle and eat pizza.

The problem is when reading the news it's not hard to find people using others in a similar way, but nonconsensually, and it feels gross that the same thing that's loving fun for us is life-ruining trauma for someone else. I made the mistake of reading the wikipedia article about Dahmer while baked the other day, and I couldn't 'dom' for long time after. Even though I'm not about to murder someone for my sexual gratification the ability to empathise even slightly with the desire to objectify someone else was super gross and disturbing.

So all that is to say our Jewess should go for it (after all, it's just for sex right? Little to lose, lot's to gain.) but do so from a lighthearted, fun place that shows to her partner that this is about playing pantomime dress-up, not about real tragedy. Start light and work your way up. let him know that you can be trusted not to break down sobbing, or report him to the Mossad. But try to reinforce the line between your naughty play and the real history, that he can be the Aryan meanie of your dreams and still be a good, caring person. I'll bet he'd come around eventually, I mean have you seen German porn?
More...
Apr 5 drjones commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
What is the correct point in a relationship to roll out to your partner that you are an insufferable a-hole?
Apr 1 drjones commented on Savage Love.
I would lean a little more towards communication with the spoon person before looking elsewhere. Some men are trained not to be rough/dominant/selfish in the sack but would be willing to go there, and enjoy it, if they knew their partner was into it. I know for some subs never, ever admitting what they want out loud is part of their thing but if you don't ask for it, you won't get it.
Mar 30 drjones commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: What To Do?.
The heart wants what it wants. But sometimes it doesn't get it.
Mar 17 drjones commented on SL Letter of the Day: Defensive Dumping.
I've been dumped a few different ways, but never have I seen the 'I think you are dumping me so I am going to dump you first' move.
Mar 16 drjones commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: A Family Affair.
That would be a great Buzzfeed listicle: 10 great ways to impress upon your tinder match that you really want to fuck your dad, number 9 will amaze your brother!