Nov 1, 2012
commented on Republican John Koster Opposes Abortion In Cases of Incest and "the Rape Thing"
The "rape thing" is nothing compared with the rest of that quote. Koster says letting a woman choose abortion when they are raped is “putting more violence into a woman’s body.”
Obviously, no one ever explained to this man where babies come from. Because anyone who has even passing familiarity with the concept of birth understands the violence inherent in pushing an 8 lb baby out of a vagina--especially when it is against the will of the mother. This is the essence of violence: forcefully causing physical damage and interfering with personal freedom (source, OED).
Clearly, John Koster is confused and he needs our help. Let's help him understand what it means to give birth by sending him real, unedited pictures and descriptions (or whatever else you think helps get the point across) of the experience of birth and it's aftermath. Don't forget to include c-sections, because nothing says non-violence quite like a bloody scalpel!
Here is his campaign site: http://www.kosterforcongress.com/
Sep 27, 2012
commented on Fight Voter Suppression... With Voter Suppression?
Dan, people of color cannot (and probably should not) do the same thing in white neighborhoods. Why? Because white privilege. For attempting this sort of action, non-whites would be putting themselves in much greater danger of being arrested, beaten, and maybe even killed. These white people are doing this because they *can* as whites they have the privilege to haunt other communities without fear of serious physical or legal repercussions.
Of course, people of color could respond in kind in spite of those risks, and perhaps that would be an even more powerful statement, but it would be a mistake to equate the actions and risks taken by of those communities with the actions and "risks" taken by these white communities.
Jul 23, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Pair of DTMFAs
There is a lot of good advice here, though you have to filter out what will work best for you.
I didn't see anyone mention this (I could have missed it) but I've found (SAFE) sex on the first date to be an extremely good way to find out whether a guy is worth keeping around--if you *want* to have sex with them and you're the kind of person that can handle casual sex/one-night stands. (If you're on a date with someone and you don't end up *wanting* to hook up with them, they probably don't qualify for additional dates anyway.)
Sex on the first date tells you pretty accurately whether or not they care about your pleasure, your safety, and your feelings. If they doesn't listen to you, what you want, your rules of engagement etc., then make it a one night stand. Or if he's too terrible, call it off in the middle. You are allowed to change your mind about what you do *at any time* and he needs to be able to handle that graciously.
After you have sex, you can also often find out a *lot* more about someone. In my experience, they will tell you things that they would not have said otherwise b/c they were trying to impress you for sex. I've found out a lot of disqualifying info during pillow talk, like whether they are habitual cheaters, what they lie about and when they think lying is ok ("This girl and I aren't really dating so I don't need to tell her who I have sex with but we don't use condoms cause they feel so bad!!"), why they are into certain sexual acts and not others (I just don't do that cause it's icky! Anyone who does that is just awful!). I've found that once the tension is relieved people tend to open up.
For me, casual sex is enjoyable enough that this tactic has worked extremely well. I walk away knowing whether the sex is might be satisfactory, whether they respect me or will try to shame me, how considerate they are, and potentially some really important details about who they are from pillow talk. If they don't pass the test for a second date, at least I still got something I wanted out of the evening--an enjoyable sexual encounter.
Jun 20, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Do Monogamous Gay Couples Exist?
Great response. Hooper's reply was pitch-perfect and you didn't rise to the bait of SFMCN's apparent hostility.
You treated SFMCN's question with respect even though he didn't offer your perspective on relationships the same courtesy. Often, one of the hardest lessons to learn is that two people can follow two different paths and both people can be right in their choice.
SFMCN's lack of respect might stem from the fact that he feels alone and fears he will be judged by the gay community, which causes a defensive backlash against those (the gay community/other gay men) whose rejection he fears. It seems like it would be extremely painful to struggle with accepting your sexuality as a gay man only then to feel like "your" community might reject you because you don't meet perceived expectations (or stereotypes).
I hope SFMCN gets what he needs from this response.
May 22, 2012
commented on Sandra Fluke Kicked Their Asses and They're Never Going to Get Over It
Lesbians don't need birth control.
Fluke's future-husband knows what hes got and he gotta nail that down. ;)
Tangentially: As a straight woman, I'm envious: lesbians have the freedom to plan their families (who carries the child in addition to when to try for a child) without pharmacological aids. Lesbians can make all those decisions based on discussion and mutual agreement. How fucking amazing is that?! Lesbians ... so OP.
Feb 23, 2012
commented on SL Letter of the Day: Infantile-ism
@seeker6079 (63, etc)
The anecdotes you have collected in your tenure as a divorce lawyer are no more or less reliable than the anecdotes supplied by kinky women here. Neither are data, and neither are a more valid a source of information or truth than the other--and its embarrassing to pretend otherwise.
Sep 15, 2011
commented on Who You Wanna Take Sex & Relationship Advice From?
@34 If you're Protestant then you believe that the Pope is a man, not a divine representative of God on Earth, not 2 millenia of teaching, but a flawed and fallible human being--just like you and I and, dare I say, Dan Savage.
Thankfully, the printing press and the internet have given us all access to the same 2 millenia of teachings that The Pope has access to (I'm sure you're familiar with The New Testament). Although, I'm not sure how much time the Pope spends keeping up on current research so he may have a harder time keeping up with current research into neurology, psychology, and biology, all relevant fields with an insight into human relationships.