A place for Canadians.

percysowner
report this user
7:38 AM percysowner commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Forgiveness and Ashley Madison's Innocent Victims.
I have no advice about going to the police. However, I think you need to talk to your siblings. The promise to not talk about this raises flags for me. You say your siblings have never seen your dad be violent, but they may be operating under the "this was only one time and please don't tell anyone" directive. You at least need to make certain that this hasn't happened before so that you can assess how serious this is.

I do go along with the people who say throwing a vase or any object through a wall is less of a problem than the fact that the father also tossed the mother around. The second is abuse and may indicate a potential issue.

In any case, my heart goes out to you. This is a horrible situation and you should not be in the middle of it. Whatever choice you make, it it goes badly, it is not your fault. You are doing the best you can.
Jul 24 percysowner commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Gone Camping.
You are far more tolerant than I am. I would tell the LW to not give this guy a second chance. Not because he ignored the rules but because he's trying to guilt trip her into feeling like SHE is wrong for asking he stick by the rules. What bothers me is this My partner thinks I'm the one who handled it poorly and cannot be monogamish due to jealously. That's more than ignoring the rules or even being a dick by "finishing up" when she had clearly said no. That's attacking her by stating that her reasons for being angry are a defect in character. She's asking for different actions to make this work. He's calling her a jealous witch for holding him to the rules. To me that's manipulative and a warning sign that monogamy aside, this could easily become a bad controlling relationship. Find someone who is willing to abide by the established rules and who, if they break them, doesn't say that you have no right to be upset about it. Find someone who wants to be monogamish AND will take responsibility for his actions if he screws up.
Jun 22 percysowner commented on Is Hillary Clinton In Trouble?.
Salon HATES Hillary Clinton, so I take anything they say about her with a whole mountain of salt. Bernie Sanders has wonderful progressive ideas, but he won't win the nomination. He may well push Hillary to the left, which is a good thing.
Jun 13 percysowner commented on Hillary Clinton Campaign Kickoff Speech.
I think "if necessary" means if she can't get a Supreme Court Justice appointed that will overturn the decision. Passing an amendment takes a lot of time and it's hard to get to the required number of states to pass it. The best bet to overturn it is change at the Supreme Court. The safest but hardest way is an amendment that can't be overturned by the SC
May 21 percysowner commented on SL Letter of the Day: Send the Flowers.
@#1 I too only send flowers to friends and family, however the LW stated that he sends flowers and a card to business acquaintances. So, Dan isn't being harsh. If the guy hadn't said he would send them to his lawyer, his doctor, etc. it wouldn't be an issue.
Jan 29 percysowner commented on SL Letter of the Day: Betrayal and Ball Ache.
I don't see what is victim blaming in telling the person who doesn't want more kids to take every precaution they can to not have a kid. He assumes the wife lied. Many readers are taking him on his word that his wife lied. Some people have said natural family planning worked for them. I pointed out that NFP doesn't work for everyone and there is at least a chance that the wife actually BELIEVED she was in a safe time. Plus, NFP puts the entire burden on the wife. She has to track her temperature. She has to monitor her cervical mucus. She has to keep track of the exact time of her last period. And she's doing this while raising a baby, and the LW didn't come off as a help tons with the kid type.

Yes I'm a woman. When I didn't want kids, I was on contraception. After I had my daughter I made my husband wear a condom. I was nursing so no hormonal contraception and you can't fit a diaphragm until your body returns to normal size after a birth. If you don't want kids, take the steps not to have them. That isn't victim blaming. That's telling him to do what will make him not be a father again.
More...
Jan 29 percysowner commented on SL Letter of the Day: Betrayal and Ballache.
Dear LW, contrary to the Pope and the Catholic Church Natural Family Planning is NOT effective for every couple. Your wife may well have believed she was in the time frame when it was "safe". Secondly YOU have said that YOU only want one child. That says to me that you are, in fact, the one who should take the burden of contraception on yourself. That means condom use every time you have sex or a vasectomy. Refusing to get a vasectomy puts the burden on the person who wants more kids. It also gives the message that you may want more kids, just not with her. It absolutely tells her that you want her to do all the work on making sure you don't have kids.

I do think you need a full medical evaluation to make certain you aren't in the 1-2% of men who do have physical problems after a vasectomy. You also need to decide if you really think your wife is a manipulative bitch who tricked you into getting her pregnant. If that is what you truly believe, then it is time to cut your losses. If you are right, then you deserve better. If you are wrong then she deserves better. A marriage with such mistrust and resentment is not good for you, your wife or your children. At least you won't have to worry about having more than 2 children.
More...
Nov 18, 2014 percysowner commented on Death to Self-Checkout Machines.
And I'm the odd duck that LIKES self-checkout. Usually the wait is shorter and I like being in control of checking out. If an aisle with a checker is open then I'll use it. Otherwise, I do the self checkout.
Aug 19, 2014 percysowner commented on Savage Love.
I think you are jumping the gun on the wife with the snoopy mother. There are tons of reasons to not want to be disowned that have nothing to do with money. It is hard to break from a parent. Sometimes it is harder to break from a parent who was emotionally controlling or abusive. You want to earn your parent's approval. So being disowned really hurts. Plus, depending on family dynamics, being disowned may also mean losing contact with the rest of the family. It's easy to say she shouldn't want to be related to someone like her mother, but it's a lot more complicated than you realize. My dad didn't leave me a penny when he died. That wasn't what hurt. What hurt was that he made it clear he didn't give a damn about me when he was alive. From what I know, you had parents who did love and support you. Those of us who had more complicated relationships with our parents can have many mixed feelings about losing them altogether.
Jul 30, 2014 percysowner commented on SL Letter of the Day: Love and Lyme.
I have to agree with #2. This is not a response to the question. This is saying that the LW should live the way the guest expert thinks is right. The LW and her husband have worked through all the issues facing their sex lives and have decided that hiring a professional is the best option. Being judgement and saying they haven't tried enough is pretty dismissive and insulting. Unfortunately I don't have a suggestion as to where to find someone to work with. I do think the one suggestion the guest expert gave, to find a sexual surrogate is a good place to start. To the LW and her husband, good luck to you both.
 

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy