Jul 24, 2014 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: License to Dump.
Nobody who was absent through the entire pregnancy and about half the child's life, who isn't providing financially now, and has never been married to the mother has a prayer of custody. It doesn't hurt that most states seem to think ovaries are what you nurture children with. His threats have no bite, and he shouldn't be threatening anything anyway.
Jul 24, 2014 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: Kinky Niece.
I'm of two minds on this. We have here a situation where a legal adult has a mom who goes through her things and an aunt stalks this young woman online; both of whom talk behind the young woman's back. This is creepy as hell and if the young woman is taking her mom's things, one might wonder where she learned to have crappy boundaries, no?

And frankly, if your loved ones are making bad relationship decisions, there's really only so much you can do. They're going to do what they're going to do... the only thing that will change is whether or not they tell you about it. She already didn't, so the niece in question obviously doesn't think her family will listen and reserve judgment. And she's right.

THAT SAID... Hooo boy. young girls just getting into this stuff, at least in my region, are often sought out for not knowing the rules and being gullible by the unscrupulous. It would be good if someone in the know could watch her back. The aunt is clearly not that person.
Feb 5, 2014 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: Confused And Depressed.
Confused... some of us don't get easy answers. Sometimes it would be great to have a one word identity that would make everything make sense, but some of us have to do a little more work than average to get ourselves. And even if the destination is simple, sometimes the road is long and detours a lot.

It's ok, you've got time. Listen to your instincts. Your life is yours to make. Now is hard because you're stuck in your parents' decisions. Your life may never be easy but it will be YOURS, and in my experience, that's what made life get "better".
Dec 3, 2013 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Painful Subject.
exactly, 150.

Look, I'm not saying he's a rapist. I think overall, the tone of this thread could have been dialed back long before it got to baby shaking. I think we should always bear in mind that the people concerned may read these, and if you want your advice to be taken, you kinda have to watch offending your target, yes?

What I AM saying is that he's gone past the limits of partners in the past, and felt bad about it, implies heavily that he didn't have their universal consent either. I suspect participants in several of his past encounters regret said encounters. That's gotta stop. Should never have happened, in fact. (ugh, tomayto tomahto. I guess I AM saying I put pretty good odds on him being a rapist.)

If this guy is as clueless about BDSM as he sounds, and that's a big if to me; I mean he has the internet, yes?... then he needs to get a clue, like Dan advises. And submitting without safeword to someone with so little experience would be insane and nobody should do so, compatible kink or no. This stuff is a skillset, darnit.

He's basically refusing to play baseball if he can't be in the majors. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, as they say. Light kink is not necessarily the gateway drug to dark kink, but this guy needs to treat it like it is. Also, because something doesn't perfectly scratch an itch, doesn't mean it won't be fun if you give it a shot. If you hate your kink, add to your kink collection.
Nov 29, 2013 KDru commented on SL Letters of the Day: Two For Black Friday.
Ok, Catgirl, you've just been handed license to cuddle, rub against him, make him pet you and give you treats, plant yourself in front of whatever he's doing if he neglects you, knock stuff over or bat at him when annoyed, bite playfully, and basically be spoiled...

And that's just off the top of my head. Have fun. If the tail looks like a furry turd to you, cuz it kinda does, I'm sure he'd take ears and a bell collar to start.
Nov 29, 2013 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Painful Subject.
To 95, there's definitely room for that sort of thing in the world... among people who know what they're doing, trust eachother, know where the boundaries are in the first place (so they have a way to gauge how far to go past) and understand what they're doing to their partner anatomically.

Which doesn't sound like that guy.
Nov 27, 2013 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Painful Subject.
I don't know if the guy's a rapist. He hasn't raped THIS woman, but a sexual sadist who doesn't believe in safewords who has "crossed some boundaries in the past"? I think there's good odds in betting he's at least keeping a therapist or two busy.

And even if I wouldn't call his current treatment of his wife "rape", that doesn't mean it's got much to reccommend it.

Whatever else he is, he's being an ass. if you're kinky, and a partner says that they're not sure about your kink, but they'll try to meet you halfway to start, if you're at all invested in the relationship you go ahead and do that, then. Sheesh.

I suspect the moment he shows his face at an actual BDSM event, he will get quite an education. And quite an earful.
Nov 27, 2013 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Painful Subject.

I'm sadistic, and I still just can't sympathize with this guy. He has very specific desires he didn't disclose before marriage. Desires he has evidently never tried to research, meet halfway, or make peace with. His wife says sure, but wants to go slow and use the SAME PRECAUTIONS EVERYONE WITH ANY SENSE USES, but that's not good enough. He would rather try nothing at all, hurting her as much as he can get away with in the process, consigning them both to miserable unsatisfaction. Still refusing to do any homework and making his lady feel guilty.

Seriously, fuck this guy.
Nov 20, 2013 KDru commented on Savage Love.
You know, I'm not saying this is the case but if libido's ladyfriend doesn't even want to make out, but they otherwise get along, well, that sounds like me at that age. I turned out to be a lesbian. Either way, it doesn't sound like incompatible libido so much as no chemistry and I'm not sure there's a fix, there.

I kinda want to give Burned's lover the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he feels guilty for hurting her. In which case, time and kindness will heal that. If its that he thinks the injury is ugly tho, then fuck that noise.
Nov 8, 2013 KDru commented on SL Letter of the Day: My Widow's Dog Collar.
There were, the last time I checked, a few states with laws against "consensual battery", which slipped through federal legislation because of technically not being a law about sex. I found out about this through a friend in Michigan, to whom it was a passing concern. He acknowledged that actual prosecutions were super rare tho.