Jun 8, 2011
Fuck You Shay
commented on Dear Street Canvassers, Stop.
I'd like to take a moment and grind my axe for a moment on the biggest dipshit out there with a clipboard. Yup, I'm talking to you Shay. You 6' tall read bearded, beanie wearing fucktard. How 'bout you size me up from a half block out again, continuing to dance back and forth across the sidewalk like I'm going to try and score a goal for commuting Seattlites while you protect some invisible net for Children International ... brah.
I've been kind and said "no" like the naive folks here think will work. I've had rational conversations with you explaining that you're in fact violating section 4 of Seattle Municipal Code 12A.12.015 and that your tactics are piss-poor, short sighted, and are enraging our city. I've changed my commute to avoid you and your clipboard toting guilt guild only to see you on entirely new blocks. I've told you to fuck off a dozen times. I've told your friends to do the same. I've stood 6" from you and told you to try and remember my face ... you see it almost every day so it can't be that hard ... and no my name's not Sam, despite introducing myself to you three times now. I've written to your shitty organization, Dialoge Direct, and a host of charities who employ you (as well as loads who don't) to call out your "shake my hand brah, just shake my hand" antics. I could give half a fuck that your organization raised $91M last year, because you're doing it at the expense of others who are trying to do good in their own world and are left with an awful taste in their mouth heading home from work.
Shay, you're an asshole and a blight on our city. The only way that I'd ever give to your organization, and by your organization I mean Children International, ever again is if I received a personal letter saying that they fired you and the rest of Dialogue Direct for misrepresenting them, for jumping in front of thousands of people daily like some coked up hippie with a hard-on for shaking hands and manipulating people with decent souls. You are the Moby Dick of dipshits in the Westlake "gauntlet" ... the Molly Moon's Planned Parenthood folks are minnows compared to you and the rest of your company.
Feel proud for your notoriety for a moment, after all, you personally got a shout out in the comments on The Stranger from someone who loathes seeing you every day! You've made a difference in lives! Childish of me to solo out this one chugger from all of his peers? Maybe, but so is being an absolute douche for your job by pissing off the city that feeds you. Passive aggressive? Gotta go with no there since I've told you directly to fuck off numerous times, Shay. Think of this a a PSA for other commuters who haven't had the pleasure of meeting you.
With that I raise a glass to you Shay. Rain or shine, sleet or piles of hobo shit, you're out there 5 days a week ... sometimes more ... standing up for your 1st Amendment right to speak your mind as an asshole cloaked in a charity vest with a clipboard. Here's to livin' the dream, sir. See ya tomorrow Shay, and no, I won't shake your hand, brah.